When engaging in emotionally charged conversations, it is critically important to fully understand the other person’s perspective before expressing yours. When sharing your position, the method of delivery may be more important than the message itself.
It is human nature to seek validation over truth. We seek validation because we want to be right, not wrong. Therefore, most people absorb information consistent with their beliefs, while dismissing any views to the contrary. After years of validation from a variety of sources, absolute certainty sets in. What if we are completely wrong?
When someone challenges our beliefs, we tune them out and their message is lost. The challenge becomes, how do you communicate without triggering a defensive reaction?
First, identify the important points everyone agrees on. For example: most of us agree a good immigration policy would be fast, safe and easy for law abiding immigrants, while keeping others out of the country. None of us want drugs or sex trafficking to come across the border. Since our current system does none of this, it needs to be revised.
Now we just need to develop a system that works.
Keep an open mind as you explore options. Use phrases like “may I make a suggestion,” “do you think this would work” or “what if we did this?”
These are humble, respectful, and non-threatening ways of introducing your point. It encourages further dialog and provides room for other solutions. These phrases allow you to negotiate gracefully, since you are not making demands or commitments. The other person should not become defensive since you have not challenged their beliefs.
If research is needed to verify information, look for reliable, unbiased sources. Focus on opposing views from your own.
Seek the truth, not validation.
