That didn’t take long.
Now, “Expend4bles” is on DVD – and, if you’re thinking of it as a Christmas gift, not a minute too soon.
Once you watch, you’ll realize why this was rushed out. Featuring a cast of action stars, it lands with a thud and doesn’t give anyone a showcase.
Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham get top billing (as the returning warriors) but the former disappears rather quickly and the latter has to share screen time with a bunch of others.
None of the team is particularly outstanding but at least Jacob Scipio tries to do an impression of Antonio Banderas from “Expendables 3.” Dolph Lundgren tries to rock a wig but it’s as lame as the joke that introduces it. Megan Fox is here, too, (as Statham’s girlfriend) but she’s dressed inappropriately for killing terrorists.
Her makeup, in fact, is about as realistic as the film’s backgrounds. Frequently, it looks like the actors are in their trailers while their stunt doubles are rolling around in front of a green screen.
The acting also is pitiful.
When one of the gang has a particularly dialogue-heavy scene you can almost see a teleprompter reflected in his eyes.
“Expend4bles,” yes, is aptly titled.
Stallone, strutting around like the role model for us all, isn’t in the film much, which puts the leadership weight on Statham’s shoulders. He’s good with a one-liner but the film doesn’t have any.
Instead, director Scott Waugh lets him wince and smirk to punctuate sentences that aren’t there.
Largely taking place on a ship (which reduces the film’s costs), “Expend4ables” finds someone holed up at all times. The ship has a fleet of motorcycles, too, which makes no sense, and a zipline that gives each star a chance to show his or her particular style. There’s a bedroom scene between Statham and Fox but all it does is call attention to the abs a makeup artist has drawn on his chest.
When Stallone and Statham are left alone, they banter nicely – like Bob Hope and Bing Crosby in a road picture. Their shared time, however, is short.
The rest is given to slow-moving action sequences which show their seams. The bad guy’s identity isn’t all that difficult to guess, either. By culling the herd, you can see who’s in this for the long haul.
If there’s an “Expendables 5,” pray they hire a writer who could use the work. This plays out like Artificial Intelligence at its worst.
