Tucsonans share their dads' words of wisdom on Father's Day

Quentin Gessner has dispensed a lot of advice in his 95 years, especially to his five children, 13 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren.

“I send them individual notes on such things as self discipline and character,” says the Green Valley resident and World War II vet. “And then sometimes we discuss the possibilities on the phone.”

“My kids have been getting them since they were born,” says Gessner’s daughter, Michelle Steinke-Baumgard. “All of us wanted him to write them down in a book.”

And so he did: the self-published “Notes From Grandpa: Sharing Life’s Lessons,” is a slim volume packed with gems such as:

“Show understanding of others by treating them with kindness. Show and express gratitude for what others do for you. Forgive others for their shortcomings.” And “Do the right thing when faced with difficulties and follow your conscience instead of what others tell you to do. Be your own person.”

The retired educator has plenty more advice not in the book.

“When I look back, I made a couple of mistakes,” he says. “One is, it is too brief.”

There could be another volume, maybe more. In the meantime, he keeps sending words of wisdom.

Fathers are good at that. To celebrate Father’s Day, we asked readers to send us the greatest lessons they learned from their papas. And like Gessner’s advice, there are wise words that have been passed on.

“My father has been beside me through my life’s intense ups and downs and has taught me faith, resiliency and the power to persevere.” — Brie Seward. Father: Terry Seward

“My father, principal flute with the Maracaibo Symphony, was very proud of his playing of Debussy’s ‘Afternoon of a Fawn.’ He had a facsimile of the manuscript and I remember looking at it with him. … Music has always been such a big part of my family’s life. One of the many things that my brother and I will always be grateful for is how our parents empowered and supported us as young musicians. They nurtured our creativity with discipline and passion. With the passing of my mother in 2017, I realize that through music, my father, brother and I will always be connected to her deepest feelings and memories. Music unites us and soothes our memories more than anything else.” — Jose Luis Gomez, music director, Tucson Symphony Orchestra. Father: Eulogio Gomez

“Don’t spend more than you have, never give more than you can afford, and never loan more than you are willing to lose.” — Carol Boos. Father: Paul W. Kasulka

“My dad taught me the value of hard work and frank conversation. He taught that to get to the best solution you take into account all points of view.” — Tucson Mayor Jonathan Rothschild. Father: Lowell Rothschild

“The greatest lesson I learned from my late father, Dr. Francis Sugiyama of Hawaii, was to be principled and honest in business dealings.” — Carolyn Sugiyama Classen

“Dad’s favorite quote influenced my attitude towards life: ‘Good, better, best,/Never let it rest,/’Til your good is better,/And your better best.’” — Carolyn Yeutter. Father: Charles Pessoni

“My father taught me to be quiet, to listen to the birds singing and to hear the wind whistling in the treetops.” — Martha Pille, father: Howard Havlick

“I knew if I went home and found dad, everything would be OK. It was Saturday and the boys on my block had made their only girl neighbor unwelcome again. He was in the garden as usual. Hot, wet tears had welled up and were cooling on my cheeks. Half mad, half hurt I blurted out my problem. He put down his clippers, took off his gloves and took my hand. We sat together on the window well cover. His face was turned totally to me, his eyes listening to my every word. ... When I finished he didn’t ask questions or offer an opinion. All he said was, ‘Well, Beebe, there’s no such thing as a problem that can’t be fixed.’ ... I have lived my whole life with those words and they have done me well.” — Ann (Kirchner) Stables. Father: Peter Carl Kirchner

“My father, Charles Putnam, was a man of few words. So when he spoke, he conveyed a sense of reason and critical thinking. The application of these principles are invaluable to me.” — Louise Pate

“Empathy: I remember dad rescuing an inchworm I almost stomped. He placed it on the grass, saying ‘I wouldn’t like getting stepped on. Would you?’ I was 3 or 4 years old, but it stuck.” — Mina Parish. Father: John Arthur Parish

“My father had an eighth grade education. He had a PhD in love and compassion. He drove a bread and ice cream truck in Tucson his entire life. ... (He taught me) love, compassion and most of all treat people with respect.” — John P. Lewis. Father: Ralph Kindred Lewis

“My dad, John Rinkle, was a real character. ... Among the many things he said and taught his children, these two stand out: If something bad happened to you he said ‘Survive the encounter, get justice later.’ Another, which I probably use daily, is ‘Throw out the emotions and deal in facts; no one can argue the facts.’” — Janice Saunders

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“My father was not what anyone would call talkative. He had served as a foot soldier in World War I. He lost a leg and was classified as 65% disabled by the Army. He never told us how he had lost the leg. … My brother joined the Navy when Pearl Harbor was struck. Having heard about Army life, he was not inclined to join the Army. And I joined the Navy in 1951 for the same reasons. The day I left for the Navy, dad took me aside and said, ‘Sonny, that Navy has been there for 200 years. They ain’t going to change because you showed up. Just do what you’re told to do and don’t argue about it because it is a waste of time. Just do it.’ Shortly after I arrived at boot camp, we boots soon learned there was a right way and a wrong way and the Navy way of doing anything. I remembered that lesson from my dad and knew there was no use trying to discuss it, you were expected to do it the Navy way. ...That lesson from my dad served me well the four years I spent in the Navy. Superiors wanted it done the Navy way, so I did it the Navy way. It was his greatest lesson for me.” — Ron Harper. Father: William Harper

“As my father was retiring from the United States Air Force and commissioning me, he said ‘sometimes it’s good to keep your thoughts to yourself.’ What a gem!” — Diane Vickery Tatterfield Squires. Father: John Vickery

“When I was 12 years old, my father dragged me away from leisurely summer reading to teach me how to change a tire.” — Gail Remaly. Father: Col. Frank M. Wyman, Jr.

“Look at your beloved with the greatest love in your eyes. Everyone in the room should feel part of your love. If you see a homeless person on the street, refer to them as sir or ma’am. Never deny a person their dignity. Talk to strangers. Be generous with your humanity. People long to be seen in this world.” — Lessons from Elaine Romero’s father, George Romero

“When I was a teenager, Papi told me a story about how he was selected to try out for the Olympics. It was in El Salvador. The night before Olympic tryouts, he went out with Mami. He drank and danced all night. I could hear the regret in his voice. He jumped shorter than he normally did. And he looked me in the eye with a don’t-make-the-mistakes-I’ve-made kind of gaze. Maybe he said it too. I don’t know but I knew what he meant. And it’s taken me a long time to appreciate that story. At some point in my early 30s, I fully got it. And realized that perhaps on some level that’s why I’ve been so determined. I don’t want to blow my shot.” — Milta Ortiz. Father: Mario Reynaldo Ortiz

“When I was facing a difficult task, my father always said, ‘It’s no hill for a stepper,’ meaning that if you’ve got the will to do it, you can get it done no matter how hard the job is. He showed this in his own life. After he had a serious stroke, he was determined to rehabilitate himself on his own, and to my everlasting admiration, he did.” — Sam Page. Father: Richard Page

“When it came to money, dad taught us — spend a little, save a little, enjoy a little. Was up to us to determine how much.” — Elaine Wickham Schmerbeck. Father: Bruce Wickham

“Dad was about work ethic. Two things I was taught: 1) Do the job right or don’t do it at all, and 2) Leave your personal problems at home when at the workplace.” — Teri R. Dean. Father: Marlin R. Lewis

“Our dad always told us ‘do your best with everything in life and read the instructions!’ He was the best dad; we love and miss him very much.” — Becky Damewood Wallace and Diane Damewood. Father: Lawrence “Dag” Damewood

“Advice from dad, Yuang-Ling Pei: ‘When you promise someone (you will do a) task, you have to complete the task; keep your word. It is a commitment, it must be kept. Otherwise don’t promise at all. When you lend someone your money, consider it a gift, that way you will never be disappointed. If it does get back, what a blessing it is! Philosophy of life is to live by the golden rule. You will never regret it.’” — Jashio Pei

“One of the best pieces of advice my dad gave to me happened when I became a parent. He told me that a child should always have a retreat, a room or corner or someplace where the child could go to work things out on his/her own. That place should never be considered a punishment place. So time outs for bad behavior should always be a separate place. I appreciated his sensitivity to the need we all have for a safe place, a refuge, to ponder the complexities of life.” — Katherine Conover. Father: Chet Wilkinson

“Don’t bust a gut; use your tools’ says master handyman daddy teaching me about irrigation, woodworking, power tools. Turns out it’s sage life advice, too.” — Carolyn Luján. Father: Arturo O. Ramirez

“My dad used to make up adventure stories to tell me that combined Bre’r Rabbit, Captain Nemo and an imaginary Native American tribe. Now, my own boys love listening to the bedtime stories I read to them and refuse to go to sleep until I do. Wonder if I’m channeling some of my dad when I read.” — Christopher Younggren. Father: Steve Younggren

“At 17, my heart was broken by my first love. My dad just said, ‘there’ll be others.’ This helped me learn how to go on.” — Erin Rowden. Father: Jake Rowden

“My dad’s advice that served to put everything, from a failed spelling test to a divorce, in context: ‘It’s a growth experience.’” — Kenna Smith. Father: Kendon Smith

“My father wasn’t handy. He couldn’t repair anything having to do with a house or a car. But he was an expert in turning lemons into lemonade.” — Rita Irwin. Father: Al Irwin

“My dad taught me financial independence — budgeting, saving, investing, tax planning, hedging risk, etc. I’m forever indebted to you, pops.” — Kevin Schneider. Father: Andy Schneider

“When I gave birth to my daughter, this is the wisdom my father told me: ‘Your children will give you your greatest pleasures and also your greatest disappointments.’” — Paula Myers. Father: Rudolph Oliveri

“Save taking medications until you need them to save your life, i.e., a headache: ‘Have you eaten?’ or ‘Get a drink of water and go lie down.’” — Sandra McAllister Stephens. Father: James Joseph McAllister

“My father was a Teamster. When I was 11 years old or so, he asked me if I wanted to help him with the truck. When I agreed, he asked, ‘How much do you want to be paid?’ My first thought was $3 which I thought would be fair, but I decided to be greedy and asked ‘$5?’ He smiled and said ‘sure.’ My father worked for a bakery supplier. We left his mother’s house literally across the street from the Santa Ana freeway near downtown in East L.A. at 3 a.m. Heading to San Diego/Oceanside for our first delivery, I discovered the 18-wheeler was loaded with 100-pound sacks of flour and 40-pound cans of various fruit fillings. ... As the day progressed we emptied the truck at a string of bakeries. Come sundown we had a dinner of steaks. I noticed my hands were so dirty and caked, I couldn’t make a fist. ... As I fought back tears from the pain from every muscle in my body, my father took out his wallet. He found a five-dollar-bill and threw it on my chest, ‘Next time you make a deal, find out what you’re getting into.’ I stared into that money for a long time. I’ve never forgotten.” — Salvador Quijada. Father: Carlos Quijada