Before I retired I served five years as a pastor and 32 years as a hospital chaplain and clinical pastoral educator.
I would pull up a chair and sit by their bedside. Our conversations often included the situation that led to their hospitalization and their pleasure or concern about their recovery. Before concluding a visit I would ask if they would like a prayer and, if so, I would say: “Tell me what you would like in the prayer and I’ll try to put it into words.” Having patients share what they wanted in the prayer was important so my praying with and for them expressed what was important to them and not what I thought might be their concern.
I remember visiting with a man who was a paraplegic from a tree trimming accident several years earlier. He was hospitalized with a medical problem. He desired a prayer and when asked what to include in the prayer he said he was confident the medical treatment he was receiving would take care of his problem. So, he wanted us to pray for his daughter who taught high school English and directed the school plays. Opening night for one of the plays was the next day and he wanted to pray the play would go well for the sake of the students, parents, and his daughter. He also wanted us to pray for his son who was struggling to find his direction in life and had recently received a DUI citation. I would not have known what was on this father’s heart if I had not asked.
While I was a pastor I served as a hospital chaplain for two hours one day a week; it was at the hospital where our three daughters had been born. One day, I noticed an older patient who was closely connected to the hospital so I knocked, introduced myself, and asked if I might visit with him. He welcomed the visit. After visiting for a while, he asked what I did in my visits with patients. I explained I visited with them much as I was visiting with him and that before concluding a visit I would ask if they desired a prayer. He said: “So ask.” I did and he said he would like a prayer. I then told him what I told patients: “Tell me what you would like in the prayer and I’ll try to put it into words.” He replied that after work he liked to have a cocktail before dinner, but his doctor had said that at his age to maintain his strength and vigor he needed to discontinue doing that because it didn’t fit with his medical condition. He said that went against his grain, because he enjoyed having a cocktail. So, we better pray he would be able to give it up even though it went against his grain. And that, was what I prayed with him.
I could give other examples, but these two illustrate the benefit of not assuming I knew what people wanted to pray about.
If I were now an active hospital chaplain and visiting patients recovering from COVID-19 I would ask if they desired a prayer. If so, I would suggest we include making an excellent recovery from COVID and then ask if there were other things they wanted to include in the prayer.
Also, if I were now an active chaplain and were visiting patients who did not want a prayer or were of another faith I would ask if they were willing to share what were their hopes or what was in their prayer, because I would like to offer my support for their desires with my thoughts.
An exception to my usual approach was when patients had memory problems. Then, I would often share the 23rd Psalm and we would pray together the Lord’s Prayer. The Psalm and Prayer were usually something they could recall and were comforting to them.
Another exception was when visiting with shut-in church members to share Communion. We would often visit for a while and then do something lighter before sharing Communion. With one person, I would play two or three games of checkers at which he was a whiz and which he usually won before our sharing Communion. In October, when I visited with another person I would carve her pumpkin into a jack-o-lantern before we shared Communion.
Visiting either as a hospital chaplain or as a pastor was always a high point in my day. Putting into words what people requested in their prayer was a privilege. They were moments when we shared a connection with each other and with God.
