After both her parents suffered from debilitating strokes within about a week of each other, Brenda Chaffee’s role changed from daughter to caregiver.
The stroke was the second one Chaffee’s father had suffered in the last 10 years. While still mobile, Chaffee’s mother, who previously cared for her father, could no longer adequately care for herself.
“It affected her short-term memory; she doesn’t realize she should be eating, she’s not hungry,” Chaffee said of her mother. “She remembers she used to take care of my father, but now she can’t.”
Chaffee, a paralegal in Tucson working 40 hours a week, felt overwhelmed and wasn’t sure what steps to take next to properly care for her parents.
Chaffee isn’t alone. A recent survey by Home Instead Inc. suggests more than half of working female caregivers feel they have to choose between their professional life and being a good daughter.
In an effort to educate caregivers on the options available to them in caring for their elderly parents, Home Instead Senior Care, a worldwide home care provider, has launched a “Daughters in the Workplace” program.
“Daughters in the Workplace is an educational campaign to help people understand there is support available,” said Evie Stamps, executive director at Home Instead Senior Care in Tucson.
“What this campaign is hoping to do is reach out and educate people, employers and employees about this epidemic that’s going on and teach them how to talk to employers to get the support they need.”
Chaffee has struggled with balancing work, her own family and caregiving, but the Daughters in the Workplace program has helped her find some clarity.
“I’ve taken over all the finances and their home is my second home,” she said. “I have two separate families, it’s overwhelming to me at times. Now I’ve finally come to the conclusion that they may need to go into assisted living and that breaks my heart.”
Chaffee said she has paid as much as $9,000 per month for in-home care for her parents to supplement the care she cannot provide while she is at work or taking care of her immediate family.
“They’ve been a great help, but it’s expensive to have (caregivers) 24/7, and that’s why I chose to do the assisted living,” said Chaffee. “I feel horribly guilty that we’ve come to this point; I think it’s a natural feeling, but it’s very upsetting to me.”
Planning and finding support are crucial first steps for caregivers, according to Adina Wingate, public relations director at the Pima Council On Aging.
“We have a whole department made up of social workers who deal with anybody who calls us to talk about what happens when they become a caregiver and what happens in terms of life issues, balance issues, work and home-based care,” she said.
The PCOA also offers monthly support groups for Tucson caregivers to talk to others about their experiences, helping to alleviate stress.
Guilt and depression are common for caregivers having to make tough decisions for their elderly parents, according to Stamps.
“It’s a very personal choice, and people need to be allowed to make that choice,” she said. “The more people understand others are making the same decisions they make, the more they’ll be OK with it.”
Caregivers also often feel isolated because they feel others don’t understand their situation, according to PCOA caregiving specialist Laura Michaels, a finding echoed in the Home Instead study.
According to the study, about one-quarter of daughters who care for their elderly parents worry caregiving is stigmatized, and roughly the same amount believe their supervisors are unsympathetic to their situation.
Chaffee, however, says her co-workers and supervisors have been exceptionally understanding and flexible with her situation. She says she also signed up for the Family and Medical Leave Act, which provides job protection and unpaid leave for medical purposes and family obligations.
Some employers offer an Employee Assistance Program, which can assist caregivers with issues in their personal lives or work-related problems that may adversely affect job performance or their mental, physical or emotional health.
Human-resources departments are a great place to inquire about assistance programs and receiving help when faced with stressful personal circumstances, said Stamps.
“We want people to know about the resources available, so people don’t have to choose between work and caring for loved ones,” said Stamps.
These resources can help pay the costs for care and reduce the financial impact caregivers often struggle with. People can also hire caregivers at varied costs depending on income, according to Stamps.
“I hear people say, ‘I should have known’ or ‘I should have prepared for this’ a lot,” said Stamp. “If mom and dad have a problem, we want them to have the resources available.”
