Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
Friends with whom we normally exchange small Christmas presents made a contribution to a homeless shelter in our honor rather than give us a gift this year. Weโre fine with that โ itโs not like we needed another Christmas tree ornament or set of coasters. It turns out, though, that this couple did the same thing with all of their friends, and now theyโre bragging nonstop about how they felt the needs of the poor should outweigh โthe pervasive materialism of Christmas.โ Weโre sick of them acting so superior, and wonder if thereโs anything we can or should say.
โ Feeling Cranky, Arizona
Dear Cranky:
As if nothing cries out โmaterialismโ more than a Christmas tree ornament. Oh, please.
Far be it from us to take exception to supporting a homeless shelter. But your friendsโ donation to one isnโt much of a gift to you, especially if they keep on taking bows for it. Youโll probably sound as cranky as you feel if you point that out to them, though, so try to grin and bear it. Then next fall, you can tell them youโve gotten too old for Santa Claus and you feel itโs time to stop exchanging presents. Trust us, you wonโt be their only friends to make this proposal.
P.S. Were these guys so anti-materialistic that they refused whatever gift you gave them and asked you to return it and donate the proceeds to charity? Just wondering.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My brother has been divorced for more than 30 years. His ex-wife has been living with him platonically for most of that time, but according to him Iโm the beneficiary on his bank accounts. The problem is, heโs never updated his will and trust following his divorce, meaning our now-deceased parents remain listed as his executors and beneficiaries. Also, itโs possible his exโs name remains on the house they bought when they were married (they still live in it). Shouldnโt he be seeing a lawyer and updating his affairs? Iโve tried broaching the subject with him, but he seems uninterested.
โ Loyal Sister, California
Dear Sister:
Is it possible your brother thinks youโre just a tad too interested?
Youโre right that heโd do well to consult with an attorney to make certain his decades-old will and trust reflect his current wishes. But bear in mind, documents such as these almost always name successor executors and beneficiaries, and your brother may be perfectly well-satisfied with the person or persons named to replace your parents.
Had his divorce been acrimonious, youโd be justified in pressing him to check with a lawyer and confirm that his ex-wife isnโt going to profit from his passing. But as he remains so friendly with his ex, thereโs no reason for you to sound an alarm. Unless you believe your brother is somehow being taken advantage of, or unless heโs solicited your involvement in his affairs, his will and his trust โlike his platonic relationship โ are off limits.
