A dog walks into a bar ... And he says to the bartender, "I've been Yelping for an hour trying to figure out where to grab a brewsky around here. But half the bars on the list appear to be restaurants, and who knows how many of them let in service humans. What's a good boy gotta do to get a drink in this town?"
The bartender looks up and says, "Have you checked out This is Tucson's list of the best places to drink in Bisbee? I know it's a little weird and written in a cloying manner that displays the writer's tendency for overindulgence, but they've got five solid bars on there. I'd recommend each one of them!"
The dog smiles, cocks his ears a little bit and replies, "Thanks, but I can't read. Are there pictures?"
Yes there are. Yes there are ...
Bisbee Grand Saloon
61 Main St., 520-432-5900
The antique backbar at The Grand dates back to the 1880s.
Most memorable Yelp review: "For those that are into ghost stories, there's a folder filled with letters and stories from past guests of the hotel ... I was actually a bit nervous when going to the bathroom by myself, but I'm sure it was just my imagination going into action." - Jenny Y., San Diego
The Grand may feel like the Wild West Saloon exhibit at Disneyland, but this 100-year-old space is still a popular neighborhood bar. You can find a good crowd there most any day of the week, with live music on weekends. (There was a bluegrass band on our last visit.) The Grand Saloon is attached to a local bed and breakfast of the same name, so if you drink too much you can always stay the night in a refurbished covered wagon. As you sip your pint, also make sure to check out the antique backbar originally from the Pony Saloon in Tombstone.
Hours: 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Mondays through Saturdays, 11 a.m. to midnight Sundays with food options starting at 5 p.m. until close
The Stock Exchange
15 Brewery Ave., 520-432-1333
The Stock Exchange feels like sitting in an old bank, but instead of that old coffee they have beer from Grand Canyon Brewing Company.
Most memorable Yelp review: "Doll crucifix art and cocktails, oh and cookies made for a totally fun afternoon." - Betsy M., Vail
The Stock Exchange stands at the head of Bisbee's historic Brewery Gulch, a stately building of red bricks perched on a hill. In the early 1900s, the space was home to the iconic Brewery Saloon. But when Prohibition hit, a brokerage firm moved in and installed a large ticker tape to read the daily stocks, which is still displayed prominently along the wall of the bar. In addition the 14-strong taplist with lots of Arizona beers, The Stock Exchange also has a full menu of brick-oven pizzas, wings and some killer burgers.
Hours: 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Sundays through Thursdays, 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays with food the entire time
Old Bisbee Brewing Company
200 Review Alley, 520-432-2739
The tasting tray at Bisbee Brewing Company has 3-ounce pours of every beer for $10.
Most memorable Yelp review: "On a New Year's Eve visit ... I saw a person dressed as a white rat, in a mascot quality costume. I guess it was just performance art or something because the rat costume didn't allow the wearer to drink beer." - Maria G., Tucson
Old Bisbee Brewing Company is daydrinking headquarters, with a sizable patio and a reliable list of seven small-batch brews. You've not been Bisbeefied until you've tried the signature drink Salut, a clear liqueur that falls somewhere between wine and hard cider. (It's been called "The Zima of Bisbee.") But my favorite was the Mayan Stout on nitro, which tasted "like chocolate and coffee had a baby and it was born by a campfire," according to our bartender.
Hours: Noon to 10:30 p.m. Sundays through Thursdays, noon to 11:30 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays
St. Elmo Bar
36 Brewery Ave., 520-432-5578
Magic Kenny is a regular at St. Elmo Bar. You can always tell when he's there, because something is on fire.
Most memorable Yelp review: "There was a bartender, Fallon, who literally could not have ignored us more, so we didn't get a chance to hang out more than a few games of the porno-claw game. Do yourself a favor and have your fun elsewhere." - Melanie H., Scottsdale
St. Elmo's had been around a lot longer than the movie, since 1902 in fact ... which makes it the longest continuously operating bar in the state of Arizona. (The Buffet in Tucson dates back to 1934.) What's made St. Elmo's so successful? You could say it's the kitsch-covered walls, the live music or the rotating cast of characters like Magic Kenny and his sweet talkin' chihuahua Lil Magic. But I say it's spiritual. Like maybe a ghost or something, probably.
Hours: Open daily from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m.
Gay 90's
3856 S. Towner Ave., Naco, 520-432-4677
You can see Mexico from The Gay 90's, there's plenty inside to look at too!
Most memorable Yelp review: "I'm only writing this review to spare you the trouble of driving down from Bisbee looking for some gay 'ol fun. Gay + 90's = straight bar." - Shannon C. Mission Viejo
There are plenty of bars in Old Bisbee, but we definitely think this one's worth the drive down to Naco. It's called The Gay 90's, first of all, but the name actually refers to the turn-of-the-century 1890s, which was a apparently a gay old time. So it's a really old dive bar, right next to the border checkpoint for Mexico. It's got bikers, pool tables, and a bunch of cool old stuff like antique showgirl mirrors and photos of Ronald Reagan getting out of a Bronco. The beer looks pretty old too, but we prefer to think it's "aged."
Hours: Open daily from 10 am. to 2 a.m.
