Comedian Kathy Griffin doesn't want to talk about her last Tucson appearance — a corporate gig in a tent at the gem show last February.
"Something happened at that corporate gig that was so heinous that after three years of doing the 'D-List,' the Bravo people actually called me and said we can't put this on the show," said the star of Bravo's "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List."
Was there nudity involved?
"I'm not going to say. You're not going to get it out of me," she sputtered. "But I will say I am glad to be going back to Tucson and a nice theater after bombing in the tent."
The gem-show gig came around the time that Griffin wowed inmates at the Arizona State Prison Complex-Perryville in Goodyear. She was a smash with the prisoners — and with the handsome warden.
"Look, let me tell you something. That warden was hot for me," Griffin insisted. "And I think I still have a shot with him. . . . I remember walking away thinking I need a good prison warden. Somebody that can whip my (expletive) into shape. And somebody who's structured, because I like structure. And I thought, I can be kind of like a girlfriend/inmate. That could be my Goodyear booty call. . . . I need a good, sensible warden that I can visit three times a year. When I say 'visit,' I mean visitation rights. I'm trying to talk his language."
Wardens chasing her, inmates cheering her, jewelers panning her — sounds like Griffin is ready to leap from the D-List.
Not so fast, said the queen of those celebrities whose face you recognize but whose name seems to evade you.
"I sold out the Kennedy Center in a day. In a day! And when I go to New York, I'm playing Madison Square Garden," she boasted. "But wait. Just when I'm feeling very full of myself, two nights ago, I'm doing a one-nighter in Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, I go for Chinese food with a couple of friends, and this guy comes up to me and says, 'Excuse me. I don't mean to bother you. . . . You're Melanie Griffith, right?' And I just said yes. . . . So, no, I'm not off the D-List. And what sucks is Melanie Griffith is on the A-List."
Further proof of her celebrity non grata: She was even snubbed at a Tucson Mexican restaurant last February.
"And by the way, just so you know, I get no celebrity treatment," she was quick to note. "I had somebody call for me: 'Yes, Ms. Kathy Griffin would like to come in with a party of gays.' They were like, 'Yeah, she can wait.' "
At that gem-show fiasco, Griffin inked a $10,000 check to the jewelers' charity. Sounds like an A-List donation, Ms. Griffin.
"Yeah, of my own (expletive) money. . . . I must have been high on pastries or something. In some kind of crazy I-think-I'm-Bill-Gates kind of moment, I write a check of my own (expletive) money."
Did you buy jewelry at least?
"No. I didn't have any money left. I (expletive) spent it all!"
So just give us a hint: What went wrong with that tent show?
"All I will say is this: It was once again my big mouth and inappropriate behavior and me doing and saying things that were an error of judgment, and once again me not being received well."
But don't these people know your comedy style when they hire you?
"I can't tell you how many times I'm on the phone with the buyer saying, 'Just hire LeAnn Rimes.' I have thrown more work to LeAnn Rimes. You know why? LeAnn Rimes doesn't offend anybody. She goes out and sings. She's pretty. She's famous."
Do you want to do a fourth season of "D-List"?
"You know, not really. . . . I don't see how I can do it without my dad. You know my dad passed away. . . . My mom's heart just isn't in it without my dad. I just don't feel I can do it without them. As far as I know, it's not coming back."
So then what?
"I'm doing my next special for Bravo. My tour schedule is way in advance. I don't know what's going to happen on (the ABC daytime talk show) 'The View.' I know they are interested in me, and I'm flattered."
So about the Tucson incident?
"I have confidence it's a funny story. I think the Tucson audience is going to get it better than anybody. . . . Bring a strong heart. This is not for the weak of hearts. I'm giving you the disclaimer here."
• When: 7:30 p.m. Sunday.
• Where: Tucson Music Hall, 260 S. Church Ave., Downtown.
• Tickets: Limited available, $35-$45 through Ticketmaster, 321-1000.
• On TV: Catch Griffin's "My Life on the D-List" at 10 p.m. Tuesdays on Bravo.
• Online: Catch videos and tidbits at www.kathygriffin.net.
