Tucson comedians share their worst/best holiday gift experiences

Face it: There will be that one gift this holiday season that will have you smiling on the outside and cringing on the inside.

And if you’re a comedian, your cringe will become ha-ha fodder. (Hopefully, not in front of the gift-giver because that could be awkward.)

We reached out to several Tucson comedians about their worst/best holiday gift experience, whether on the receiving end or gifting. We wish we could say there was some higher purpose for our outreach, but truth be told: We were just looking for a good laugh and comedians love to make us laugh.

Seriously, I got it at Dillard’s

Priscilla Fernandez, 46, is a 22-year veteran of standup in Arizona and one of the founders/producers of the popular Lady Haha Open Mic for Women, LGBTQ+ & Allies held monthly at Club Congress.

“My mother has always been the worst gift giver! She is famous for gifting me stuff she buys at the Goodwill and then lying and saying she bought them at Dillard’s (meanwhile she always forgets to remove the Goodwill price tag on the bottom). In 2010, she gifted me a giant and very heavy tree ornament with the year ‘2002’ on it in giant numbers. Oof. But my favorite gift from her that made me die laughing was a used Roomba. Not only did the Goodwill sticker say ‘$10,’ but the cavity that holds the batteries was damaged, and when I went to use it, it didn’t start. I told my mom that I was so excited about getting a Roomba but that it didn’t work. Without missing a beat, my mom says, ‘That’s weird it worked when I bought it.’ Where did you buy it, mom? ‘Dillard’s of course.’”

“I also never got what I wanted for Christmas when I was a kid. I begged my dad for a skateboard and he instead bought me a pogo stick that I never used. The next year I asked for new basketball shoes and instead my dad installed a tetherball poll in the back yard. These things are all reasons I’m a comedian.”

Coming up: Lady Haha’s holiday open mic is on Tuesday, Dec. 19, at 7 p.m.; “Aunt Flow Comedy Show: A comedy show about all things periods!” on Jan. 10 at 7:30 p.m.; and the showcase’s new “Drag Open Mic” on Jan. 16 at 7 p.m. at Club Congress, 311 E. Congress St. Admission is free for most events. For more info, visit ladyhahacomedy.com.

Gifts that come with a rated R sticker

Stephanie Lyonga-Farrington, 40, has been doing standup since 2016, including regular appearances at Music Box Lounge, 6951 E. 22nd Street, and The Screening Room downtown.

“It was at a white elephant exchange Christmas party. Everyone had to bring an anonymous gift, wrapped, with no name. All the gifts are meant to be funny, by the way. Everyone writes a number on a piece of paper and the papers are thrown in a bowl. Then from the youngest person in the room, everyone picks a number and … in order of the numbers, everyone picks a gift. I ended up with a candy cane shaped liked something we can’t mention in a family newspaper. I still have it! And, no, I don’t want to give it to anyone because it’s always a great story, especially when you can show people!”

Coming up: Lyonga-Farrington will be part of the Dec. 15 Smokin’ Comedy Show at the Phoenix Center of the Arts, 1202 N. Third St. Tickets for the 7 p.m. show are $20 through PromoTix at tinyurl.com/4jjv4cny.

Back to homepage

Subscriber Login

Keep reading with a digital access subscription.

Subscribe now

Flying blind and stumbling

Nancy Stanley, 68, got into comedy a dozen years ago during what she calls “The Great MidLife Crisis of 2011.” She is the cofounder and host of “The Estrogen Hour,” a comedy showcase held at Laffs Comedy Caffé for women that raises money to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

“Back in the day, giving holiday gifts to men I was dating was always anxiety-producing. Presents seemed to have a lot of subtext: give something too expensive and it suggests ‘scary true love.’ But something too modest screams, ‘You’re an afterthought, just like this Walgreen’s scotch.’ In 1989, things had been a little rocky with my longtime boyfriend, Mark, who I later married. I wasn’t entirely sure if we were ‘on again’ or ‘taking a break,’ so I was flying blind. I ended up giving him a straw doormat with Dan Quayle’s face on it, while he gave me exquisite diamond earrings. An awkward Christmas Eve, for sure.”

Coming up: “The Estrogen Hour” returns to Laffs, 2900 E. Broadway Blvd., on Feb. 4. For updates and more information, visit facebook.com/theestrogenhour.

Cheese pizza and room service

Josiah Osego, 38, has been doing standup for 11 years, drawing comedy inspiration from his childhood, past drug use and homelessness. The father of two works as a graphic designer and life coach.

“Growing up, Christmas was restricted from our household for religious reasons. I was … never really told what it was all about. … All I knew was there was this guy named Santa spreading ‘goodwill’ through the world and he was able to do it all in one night. Now before Santa, the only other person I knew of that could perform ‘miracles’ was Jesus, and we know what they did to him. Then I realized, Santa is just Jesus in disguise. For he loved the world so much he gave his only identity for a bearded red suit so he could spread goodwill in safety. … Let me remind you, I formed this theory at the age of 6-7. Long conspiracy short, I became suspicious of everyone that participated in Christmas. I thought they all knew Santa was just Jesus in disguise and were trying to ‘get him’ again. ... It wasn’t until I watched ‘Home Alone 2’ that I found out that Christmas was all about cheese pizza and room service.”

Coming up: Osego’s last Tucson show was opening for Ryan Hamilton at the Rialto Theatre in early October. For updates on his upcoming performances, visit facebook.com/josiah.osego.