Dear Amy: I am married to a beautiful woman. We have two wonderful daughters. For the past two years, a distance has grown between us.
This has been a rough year for me. I left a good job for another that didnβt pan out. I then landed a great job with a former employer. My wife says that she supports me, but her tone of voice and facial expressions say otherwise.
With these transitions, we have gotten a little behind with our bills, but will recover over the next month. There was a snafu in pay last week, and I received a check for only one weekβs work instead of two. The rent was due.
I wanted to discuss this when I got home (about 9 p.m.), but she was sleeping. At five the next morning she confronted me. I tried to explain the situation, but she was furious and would not listen to me. She then gave me the silent treatment all weekend.
I tried apologizing and told her that I would work on communicating better on financials.
Her only response was that I had better get more communicative about this stuff, or it is over.
Wow. Over? I have a hard time talking about things. I have not slept in two days since this happened.
I love her and want to make this work, but if she is going to snap over stuff like this, I donβt know.
β Perplexed Husband
Dear Perplexed: Financial issues always put a strain on marriages, although your efforts to keep the ship afloat are admirable.
Because your wife blindsided you with her shocking reaction to your communication issue, you should write down how you feel and what you are thinking about, and prepare to use your written thoughts as a guide when you confront her about the way she has handled this current challenge.
Use βIβ statements: βWhen you said βItβs over,β I felt completely blindsided. I donβt know how to respond.β The first rule of fair fighting is not to threaten the entire relationship.
You two should work together to find new and specific ways to communicate about finances. A regular, planned βdate nightβ (whether you go out or stay in) without kids will give you the space to catch up on business matters. You also need to emotionally reconnect. You both need to take a breath and be deliberately patient and loving.Dear Feeling: You should communicate directly with your brother about this. Tell him, βMom and Dad really should not be driving to get you at the furthermost airport. Please donβt burden them with this. If you book a flight to the closer airport, Iβd be happy to come get you. Otherwise, you should rent a car.βDear Holding It: My husband is one of 13 children. One bathroom.
