Backpack? Check.
Healthy lunches planned? Check.
Resolve to not cry in front of your precious little one on the first day of of school? Check.
Well, maybe.
Mixed emotions rule when it comes to the first day of kindergarten.
On one hand, it’s a huge milestone that should be celebrated. Not to mention the added freedom that comes with your child being in school.
On the other hand, it’s the first official step in their school career. And a major step toward independence and growing up.
“There’s a great sense of pride for them hitting this milestone,” said Angela Horn, mother of two and co-owner of Tucson Doulas. “But there’s also a sense of sadness that our baby days are over and it becomes really real for me that they are moving on to the next phase of their lives.”
“I think that it’s hard to let go, but it’s a wonderful milestone,” said Alexandra Yarborough, photographer and mother of three. “It’s great watching your kids grasp new concepts and make new friends. It makes life feel so much fuller and richer once they have that added aspect.”
Another mom, Aimee Cronenberg says she’s excited to see what the year will bring, especially when it comes to math. But, it’s a little bittersweet.
Cronenberg’s daughter, Cecilia, will attend kindergarten at the same Montessori school she has gone to since she was 3, so going back will be like a “joyful homecoming” for her.
“For me? Well, I’m definitely a little sad,” Cronenberg said. “It’s hard to see the last vestiges of the preschool years slipping away, and realizing that she’s completely a ‘school kid’ now. But, all in all, it’s a happy and exciting time.”
Separation and not being in control of the kids’ day is hard to swallow for some parents. But there are ways to make it easier for nervous kids and parents on that first day and beyond.
“One of the hardest parts of sending her off to school was no longer being in control of her day and feeling out of the loop about what she did all day,” said Rachael Blackketter, blogger and mother of four. “I was fortunate to be able to volunteer in her classroom once a week and that really helped me. I know every parent can’t do that, but I would encourage families to have one parent or caregiver schedule a morning (after the teacher has settled into a routine) or afternoon in the classroom. Observe how the teacher handles behavior, what the kids do to ask to use the restroom … teachers develop almost a secret code, you know? And it can be hard to break when you are talking to a 5-year-old.”
Doing so can help you ask your child the right questions to learn the most about their days at school, Blackketter said.
To make mornings easier, Kari Cadenhead, seamstress and mother of one, said her family started the morning routine prior to the first day of school.
Leaving a little cushion of time for yourself in the mornings can help things go more smoothly as well.
“Don’t overestimate how quickly you can do stuff because things always come up,” Yarborough said. “Even if you have to get up a little bit earlier, it’s so much easier. Just leave in a little extra time to play or talk or whatever.”
Using music cues — sounds or songs to cue kids when it’s time for breakfast or to put on their shoes, et cetera — in the mornings is another good way to keep the morning flow going, Blackketter said.
“It works wonders with kids to cut down on the whining and stalling in the mornings and keeps me from being a yelling monster mom,” Blackketter said.
Ease those first-day jitters by going to the teacher meet-and-greet day, suggests Autumn Klesch, a first grade teacher.
“Meeting the teacher is a great way to establish a solid communication early in the school year,” Klesch said.
And, it’s a way for you and your child to see the classroom and talk to other students and parents.
“With both girls we met their teachers and toured the classroom before school started,” Horn recalled. “So we both had a chance to go see the classroom, meet the teacher and allow them to play in the room a bit to get comfortable while we were still there.”
Putting in an effort to get to know other parents and finding a sense of connection helps, Blackketter said.
“It’s so much easier to send them off when you really feel like they are in a good place,” Blackketter said. “Also, just because parents work full-time doesn’t mean they can’t be involved in the classroom or in their parent group. There are so many ways working parents stay connected.”
For the kids, taking them shopping for school stuff helps ramp up their excitement level, Cadenhead said.
“I was really happy to see him get excited,” she said. “That eased my nervousness.”
Letting the children pick out their first-day-of-school outfits, lunches and backpacks gets them involved and makes them feel in control.
“We did take the girls shopping and let them choose their backpack and first-day-of-school outfit,” Horn said.”It helped them have some control over those areas and it also gave them a big sense of pride.”
When that first day does come, make it a special time, suggests Shelley Pollak, a mother of one.
“Spend time with your child before school,” Pollak said. “Ask your child questions about what they think the day will be like. Take pictures of your child by him or herself and with mom and dad and a family pic if there are siblings. Take Kleenex. Just don’t let your child see you upset.”
Getting to school early enough so they could play before the bell rang “seemed to help loosen them up and helped them independently move away from us in the school environment,” Horn said of her daughters, who are now 11 and 22. “Then when it was time to line up, we put them in line with a hug and a kiss and they waited their turn to be greeted and invited into the classroom.
Getting used to not having your kids around all the time is an adjustment. But, it’s also a good time to focus on yourself or start projects. And, missing them can help you appreciate them that much more when they get home.
“I started going to morning yoga at the YMCA immediately,” Cadenhead said. “Which gave me something to look forward to.”
“I just enjoy my kids so much more when we’re not together all day long,” Yarborough said. “It gives you a chance to regroup. So, if you want to do a fun art project with your child sometime, it’s nice to have time to think of one and get the supplies.”
