Dear Amy: I am a 35-year-old woman. I live in the same town as my parents.
My sister lives nearby. She married young, while I traveled and enjoyed the single life.
My parents spent a lot of time with my sister and her husband. They shared dinners, vacations and holidays. I have generally not been invited or included, as these were âcouple things,â though I fail to see how Christmas is a âcouples-onlyâ event.
I usually just made other plans, and so now I have a great network of friends I spend special occasions with and consider them family.
Hereâs the issue: My sister is now getting divorced, and I am now in a steady relationship.
All of a sudden, the invites are flowing in from my parents. Itâs nice to be asked, but the thing is, I donât really feel any desire to go.
Am I being mean if I donât accept their invitations? An occasional dinner is OK, but for big holidays I would rather go see the same people I have being seeing for the last 20 years.
â Ms. Suddenly Popular
Dear Popular: Declining your parentsâ invitations isnât necessarily mean, although when you do so, you are deliberately refusing an opportunity to connect with them.
On the other hand, not being invited to family gatherings (including important holidays) because you are single ... now, thatâs also mean.
Iâm not a big fan of using âcouples-onlyâ labels as an excuse to exclude people. As a veteran single gal, being the only âparty-of-oneâ was no big deal. Like you, I was happy to be with the people that were happy to include me, whether my date was a tall, dark stranger or a full-bodied Merlot.
You donât mention how your parents are handling your sisterâs divorce. Is she still welcome at these events, even though she is no longer part of a couple? I certainly hope so.
Your folks shouldnât be too surprised if youâre not itching to spend time with them now. Think of this as an opportunity to reach out to your sister. She is going to see how disheartening it can be to experience loss on many fronts.
