One might think that families whose children died at the hospital would never want to go back there.
But as an event at Banner-University Medical Center Tucson showed on Sunday, the opposite is often true.
Though it was the place where his son Lucas Price died at the age of seven weeks, Will Price returned to the central Tucson hospital to play songs for other grieving parents at a Children’s Memorial Ceremony.
Price had played guitar at the hospital for his tiny, ill son, who’d had eight surgeries by the time he died. And that’s what he did Sunday, as more than 150 parents and family members of children who passed away at the central Tucson hospital remembered and honored their children.
The hospital, which is Southern Arizona’s only top-level trauma center, has approximately 80 to 100 pediatric and neonatal deaths per year, said registered nurse Pam Spencer, bereavement coordinator in the pediatric intensive care unit at Diamond Children’s, which is part of the local Banner hospital.
The memorial ceremony includes families of children who have died in the pediatric intensive care unit, the neonatal intensive care unit, the emergency department, pediatric floors, clinics and hospice. The deaths cover a range of reasons, including prematurity, respiratory issues, cardiac issues, kidney/liver issues, drowning, motor vehicle accidents, cancers and chronic diseases.
The families at the event spoke of their “other” family — the doctors, nurses, patient techs and other staff who cared for their children. Many of their medical providers attended the event, too, sharing memories of the pediatric patients who were in their care.
“I have learned so much from your children,” Dr. Aluvia Escalante, chief resident in the department of pediatrics, said during the service. “I know we are all for the better because of caring for your child.”
The ceremony tradition began in 2007, went on hiatus in 2014 and is back as an annual event. Families of children who died at the local hospital in the last four years were invited, and many families whose children died in prior years attended as well.
Justin and Brooke Hunt drove to the event from Mesa with their four children to honor their son, Chase Hunt, who died at Diamond Children’s when he was 16 months old in 2011 following an accident. They also wanted to share their experience of grief with other parents.
“I can sum up grief in one word — ugly,” Brooke said.
As difficult as Chase’s death was, the grief has been worse, she said.
“We believe Chase is still around,” she said. “We know you will see your loved one again.”
The Hunts spoke of their family struggles after the death, and how they got through it with the help of their faith, and also with serving others. One of Chase’s older sisters told her parents that service to others was the language of heaven, and the family committed themselves to doing acts of kindness.
They also keep Chase’s memory very much alive in their home. They talk about him, they made a quilt out of his clothes that they can wrap around themselves, and they have a family belief that every penny they find is a penny from heaven sent by Chase.
But Brooke said in spite of their anguish over losing Chase, the family has also made a conscious decision to choose happiness and light over bitterness and darkness.
“We decided we were not going to let this ruin our family,” Brooke said.
The Hunt children performed in a group song with other siblings of the children remembered Sunday. Families also wrote messages to their children on paper butterflies and hung them on a tree.
Spencer said the hospital’s first children’s memorial ceremony in 2007 came out of a conversation with a chaplain, and then pediatric medical director Dr. Andy Theodorou.
“We were dealing with the loss of a long term patient, and it was very hard on her family as well as our staff. We began talking about what we can do to help both our families and staff,” Spencer said.
“The idea grew then to have a yearly Children’s Memorial Ceremony to remember all the children we have loved and lost, and to let their families know that we do not forget, that they have impacted our lives as well.”
The ceremony quickly grew and was moved to the hospital’s DuVal Auditorium for more space.
“I think more than anything else, they don’t want their children to be forgotten,” Spencer said. “I have worked in the PICU for 25 years, and this means so much to me.”
The families also get support from one another.
“It is a unique experience to walk this path,” Brooke Hunt said. “Not a lot of people understand.”
Toni Bustamante and Craig Bonn told the other families in attendance about their daughter, Brittany Bonn, who died of leukemia in 2011 at 17.
“As a mother you want to protect your children and keep them safe,” Toni said. “We both have our days when the grief takes over.”
Craig read a poem he’d written about Brittany and paused before he was able to speak the last line.
“There’s one thing cancer could not take away — this father’s love,” he said.
