With her husband unresponsive from a cracked skull that caused him to seize and flat-line, Tara Widman pleaded with his medical team.
โI need this man in my life,โ she said, gesturing toward her husband, Rex Widman.
Rex, normally exuberant, was comatose for a third consecutive day, hooked up to tubes with a traumatic brain injury.
Tara began to cry.
Rex stirred.
Armfuls of roses
Their romance began with roses.
The Widmans, now 54, met on Tanque Verde Loop Road, on Tucsonโs far east side, in 1981. Tara, then Tara DeVries, was a surgeonโs daughter who rode horses in the area. Rex, a friendly pastorโs son, used to go running, and their paths would cross.
They eyed each other, and soon began dating. Rex used to bring Tara what she describes as armloads of beautiful stems from the 18 rosebushes he expertly grew.
They were 21 at the time, still building their adult lives. Tara was grieving the recent death of her mother. They went their separate ways โ Rex married and had two children. Tara never married, instead focusing on a thriving career as a horsewoman, which included showing circuit champions and an Arizona Hunter of the Year.
She eventually built her own horse farm on property near Benson, about 50 miles southeast of Tucson.
Years passed. Rex created a successful excavation business, Rexcavating. From time to time, Tara would notice the signature old, red Massey Ferguson farming tractor he used sitting out on construction sites. Sheโd pass by and think of the man who brought her armfuls of roses and was always a gentleman.
By 2003, Rex was divorced, and he happened to be at the Pima County Fairgrounds when he noticed a horse show. He went in, asked for Tara, and grabbed a rake.
โThereโs a cute guy cleaning your stalls,โ a friend told her.
Tara balked, then looked up and saw Rex.
That same day, she invited him to Benson and showed him a giant, bright red Ingrid Bergman rose sheโd grown. She pulled the petals, alternating โHe loves meโ with โHe loves me not.โ She swears she didnโt cheat. She pulled the last petal on โHe loves me.โ She also swears sheโs not making up what happened next.
โDo you want to get married?โ Rex asked.
โI always did,โ she replied.
They decided to build their life together at Taraโs farm in Benson, since both felt at home in the small city. It reminded them of Tucson during the 1970s. Rex became pastor at the San Pedro Cowboy Church, which meets weekly in Benson.
โIt was meant to be,โ Tara said. โHe was my first love, and I ended up marrying him.โ
Their property, Ever After, is a working farm that cares for retired show horses โ some of them sick and elderly โ as well as rescues.
The accident
At about 8:30 a.m. on Aug. 29, Rex was getting on a brown and white 14-year-old thoroughbred horse named Turn the Page, when a rattlesnake popped up from underneath the mounting block.
The snake rattled, spooking the horse. Tara, who had been tacking a horse in the barn, found him sitting on a piece of farm equipment with what appeared to be road rash on the left side of his head. Turn the Page, whom they call Turner, was bloodied on his left side and obviously upset.
They figure Rex was thrown from the horse, and that his head had slammed a slab of concrete.
โThe horse was running loose, and Rex was dazed. He said his back hurt. I asked him what day it was. He talked and he answered correctly,โ Tara recalled. โHe helped me put the horses away, and then he took a shower and put his jams on.โ
Rex got into bed and then began having a seizure. He screamed. Then he lifted up both his arms and screamed louder.
โAre you OK?โ Tara asked.
โYes,โ he said.
โWhat is your name?โ she asked.
โYes,โ he replied.
Tara called 911. Rex was flown to the University of Arizona Medical Center. He coded in the helicopter.
the challenge
Rex remembers seeing the rattlesnake and being airborne, but nothing else about the accident. His first memory was seeing Tara sobbing as she talked to one of his doctors. โI need this man in my life,โ she repeated, pointing at Rex.
Thatโs when Rex stirred, and he soon asked whether heโd broken his back. He hadnโt. That same day, his tubes were removed and he shuffled down the hall, weakly attempting one of John Travoltaโs dance moves from โSaturday Night Fever,โ one arm in the air.
The next day, he went home. He was told not to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. Medical officials warned that he might not be himself.
Traumatic brain injuries can cause patients to drop out of school, lose their jobs and even their marriages, said Peter Rhee, chief of trauma, critical care, burn and emergency surgery at UAMC.
โIt is a severe injury that changes everything about their life,โ he said. โEven mild traumatic brain injury can be devastating if it causes an athlete to no longer compete in their life passion, or if it affects personality or memory.โ
The changes can be long-term and subtle, Rhee said.
โHe got his bell rung pretty good,โ said Rexโs longtime friend Mark Bybee, who was in the hospital room when Rex awakened from his coma. โIt turned out much better than we anticipated.โ
A slow recovery
At the Ever After farm, with its mountainous views, expansive fields and comforting silence, Rex began to heal โ doing jigsaw puzzles, crosswords, and reading from the dictionary with Tara. He had a lot of trouble remembering words, and was quiet most of the time. Tara disconnected the batteries, shut off the fuel lines and pulled all the keys on his farm equipment, knowing heโd try to do too much too soon.
Neighbors in Benson helped out, too. One family gave Rex a big, happy Anatolian shepherd puppy named Sophie, who stays by him constantly and gently leads him by the hand if he needs help. Sheโs become fast friends with the coupleโs older rescue dog, Audrey.
Another neighbor family with a pine forest that had succumbed to bark beetles offered Rex the wood if he wanted to cut it down. Thatโs what he began doing every day, going to work across the field from their farm. On mornings when cows and ducks were on his route, heโd joke with Tara, โTraffic is terrible today!โ
Thereโs now a huge and growing pile of giant logs on the property โ fruits of his labor. Heโd like to build something with them.
The Cowboy Church meets in Robertsonโs Horse Sales arena outdoors. While Rex went back to church after the accident, he didnโt preach.
โHe sat in the bleachers, and Tara held his hand,โ said Vail resident Mary Palmer, the churchโs song leader. โHe had an awful hard time remembering things, standing up.โ
In October, six weeks after the accident, he decided he was going to try to lead the Cowboy Church again. He couldnโt read and speak at the same time, so he had to just speak what was in his heart.
He came back slowly. During one sermon, he almost passed out, telling worshippers that he thought he was in trouble, and sat down. Tara cried. The congregation sat with him and prayed.
โHe has very much improved. He has his old spark, his joviality back,โ Palmer said.
Rex says he always had hope. It was the fuel in his tank that drove his recovery โ that and love, which he says is the essence of life. Two months after the accident, he started riding horses again.
โHe still has issues and dizziness, but to know Rex behind the pulpit now and beforehand โ you wouldnโt know the difference,โ Bybee said. โThe Bible says when two or more are gathered in praying together, God is with them. God has proven that to Rex.โ
Turner has had repercussions from the accident, too. He startles easily, hates being alone and has become very attached to another horse, Rapunzel. Rex and Tara hope he will heal, also.
Gratitude
Strolling across Ever After last week, Rex was eager to show off the farm, his horses and his wife. Heโs particularly proud of Taraโs 2010 U.S. Hunter and Jumper Associationโs Amateur Sportsmanship Award.
He still struggles with some effects of his brain injury: He used to love to read, and now he feels like his head just spins. He gets tired. And sometimes he canโt find the right words. โHummingbirdโ recently stumped him.
He recently was cleared to drive again and got a job upgrading Salpointe Catholic High Schoolโs ball field.
On a break from that job, he went into the trauma center at UAMC and thanked the doctors and nurses who had cared for him. He was impressed by their kindness and how they worked as a team, he said.
Tara said her husband is like that. In restaurants, he always asks to see the manager and finds five nice things to say about the experience. The managers tend to look relieved, she said.
โThe point I want to get across is gratitude,โ Rex said.
For Valentineโs Day, Rex said, the couple were going to have a quiet dinner at the farm. And he planned to give Tara roses โ a big armful of them.
โGrowing roses is like love,โ he said. โIf itโs meant to be, it just grows.โ
