Fitz's Opinion: Tucson has survived worse calamities than this viral varmint

The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.

We’re a crossroads for the world. Eventually a Tucson hospital will treat a coronavirus patient. It’s as inevitable as summer heat. We’re Tucson. We got this.

The only thing Tucsonans freak out over is snow. See a snowflake in this town and the next thing you hear are sirens. Snow’s apparently the only thing that freaks us out. Thank God the coronavirus is just a disease, and not snow, because, if it’s just a disease, we got this. Buzzards fear us.

We have been living here at the base of these beautiful mountains for more than 10,000 years. We killed mastodons here. We fought over this gulch with war clubs and sabers and arrows and lances and canons and muskets and knives and pistols. Two centuries ago we were lynching horse thieves.

We survived the earthquake of 1887.

We weathered the flood of ’83.

We survived the 1918 Flu Pandemic.

We survived the Great Depression.

We survived two errant military jets slamming into our town.

In this harsh place there blooms a defiant, resolute and united people.

We saw it when Tucsonans responded to 9/11, shoulder to shoulder, in Kino Stadium, more defiant, resolute and united than ever.

And again when Tucsonans emerged from the horror of January 8 equally defiant, resolute and united.

We Tucsonans have been tested. A virus? We got this.

If it comes we won’t be wringing our hands. We’re going to be washing them one bazillion times a day and putting them to work, healing the sick, comforting their families, supporting our medical community and wrangling this nasty virus until it’s history. We’re Tucson. We got this. Sleeves rolled up, sanitizer holstered. Vigilant as Harris’s Hawks. Attitude sunny.

The hardest thing for people as friendly as Tucsonans to learn will be the art of keeping our hands to ourselves for a while. No handshakes. No abrazos. No hugs. Give up a Tucson smile instead, amigos.

We know in our bones you medical folks are risking your lives for us on the front lines. We will listen to your expert guidance. In turn, trust us with the truth. We got this.

We will reach out to our neighbors today to see how everybody’s doing because that’s what we do.

If we experience the symptoms, a cough and fever, we will seek care. And here’s the part that might make you flinch: we will accept quarantine. We all must prepare for the protocol that will protect our greater community. I’ve already set aside a room at my home where we can isolate a sick family member. My wife has reserved a pack rat den out back for my possible convalescence.

Is she trying to tell me something? My Tucson girl has got this under control. She’s in charge of sanitizing doorknobs and I’m in charge of sealing off our teenager’s room like an ICU. He’s online so much he won’t notice anything until I knock on his door next January with an “all clear.”

We will wash our hands thoroughly, marking time by singing songs, or in my case, inventing limericks:

A virus came to Tucson that stinks

Now we’re all living next to our sinks

We’re all washing our hands

And canceling plans

And bookmarking CDC links

At this time I’d like you all to raise your right hand nowhere near your face and repeat after me, “I won’t touch my nose or my pie hole with unwashed hands until this viral varmint is deader than jackrabbit roadkill. I will leave the masks on store shelves to the medical folks and the neighbors at high risk for infection. I’ll practice shaking hands with my eyes. I’ll protect my health, and keep our local economy alive, at the same time. And when Fitz catches the virus I’ll let him recuperate on my roof in my swamp box cooler. He deserves better than a pack rat den.”

To all our local business folks who are worried about the economic impact of this public health rodeo know that your customers and neighbors will be mindful of your difficulty. We got your back. My friend Bruce Nevins runs a retail business. “I just ordered a thousand gloves so we can keep working.”

We’re Tucson. We got this.

After next winter, when this is most likely behind us, I look forward to shaking your hand in a crowded park on a sunny day and congratulating you. “Well done, Tucson. Abrazos.”

Meanwhile here are online public health sources you should rely on to stay informed:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/cases-in-us.html

Pima County Health Department:

https://webcms.pima.gov/cms/One.aspx?portalId=169&pageId=527452

World Health Organization:

https://www.who.int/health-topics/coronavirus

And this excellent online source for fact-checking dubious claims — Snopes:

https://www.snopes.com/collections/new-coronavirus-collection/