You remember what it was like to be a young girl.
Maybe you didn't feel as pretty as the other girls in class. Or maybe you saw commercials or television shows that made you feel less than. Or, perhaps a boy you liked didn't think you were good enough.
It was hard to feel validated at times.
Even with more attention on empowering women and girls in recent years, they still face challenges on developing confidence.
The growing awareness of the world around them and what it says is important has an impact on a girl’s self-esteem, says Velia Nuno, assistant professor of health promotion sciences at the University of Arizona.
“As girls age, they develop more cognitive skills, which allows them to interpret their environment in greater depth,” says Nuno, who is a mother to two daughters. “A sense of belonging is an essential experience during adolescence as girls distinguish themselves from their parents and caregivers. Girls do this as part of their identity development.”
Those changes start around middle school and make girls much more sensitive to the opinions of others, said Marie Fordney, director of the teen and pregnancy programs at Child and Family Resources.
As parents, there are things we can do to help our daughters grow into confident women.
Lily Luna Rose, 7, rides a bike at Fort Lowell Park, with assistance from mom Natalie.
1. Give girls freedom to make decisions and pursue their interests.
One Tucson mom, Natalie Luna Rose, describes her daughter as fearless and independent. She attributes that to allowing her to explore her own interests.
"Whatever she gravitated toward is what I allow," Luna Rose said. "I didn't ban pink or princess dresses. If she wanted to explore those on her own, I allowed her to."
Erin McKay keeps stirring while Anna Valencia pours in the fresh dressing they made for the pasta salad.
2. Give them chores and responsibilities
Simple chores like helping with dinner, making the bed, putting clothes away or caring for a pet can go a long way. It makes them realize they can do things themselves.
Real work experience is the whole point of JTED. Above, Danielle Baca, 18, conducts an experiment in her BioScience 1 class at Sunnyside High.
3. Show interest in what your daughter wants to learn or do
That means going to the skatepark if she decides she wants to try skateboarding. Or taking an interest in what she's reading. Maybe read the same books and go to the movie when it comes out.
"If she asks for a chemistry set, buy it. Women are underrepresented in STEM careers," Fordney said.
4. Really listen, with your eyes, ears and heart
Just because your daughter is little doesn't mean her experiences are not real. They're real to her and important. "She feels validated that you're listening to the conversation," Luna Rose said.
Listening with your eyes and heart means noticing changes in behaviors to figure out what’s going on with your daughter, since older girls don’t always want to talk to their parents, Nuno says.
“It offers the wonderful benefit of building a closer relationship with your daughter,” Nuno says. “Listening with the heart means being present in such a way that you feel the experience of your daughter. ... It shows compassion and a genuine interest. It means moving any negative judgment thoughts or reactions out of your mind to make room for listening to your daughter.”
5. Teach her how to deal with disappointment
“She may get cut from the volleyball team, or maybe you can’t afford a chemistry set,” Fordney said. “We want to give our children everything they want, but a better gift is to help them learn to deal with disappointment. It is actually good, because then she learns to cope with loss with our help and in situations that are lighter than adult situations like losing a job.”
Thalena German, left, and Stacie Bliss cool off after the race. The Tucson Fire Department sprayed the girls as they crossed the finish line.
6. Enroll her in a confidence-building program
Programs like Girl Scouts of Southern Arizona, The Grrrls Project or Girls on the Run are great self esteem builders.
The Grrrls Project is a program of Child and Family Resources for girls ages 11-15. Girls will be able to connect with other girls, learn about communication, decision making and build their self image.
The Girl Scouts of Southern Arizona teach girls skills they can use throughout their lives through its cookie program, camps and many activities. The organization's mission is to build girls of courage, confidence and character.
Girls on the Run is a program that aims to teach girls to take charge of their lives and to teach them that they have no limits. Each session concludes with completing a 5k running event, which gives the girls a tangible sense of achievement and a framework for setting and achieving life goals.
Excerpts of this story were taken from an article that was written by Angela Pittenger and published in the Arizona Daily Star.
