Leaning In, Tucson-style: A local librarian goes to Facebook and meets women from all over the world

It starts in the lobby of our hotel while we’re waiting for the bus to Facebook Headquarters. Confident handshakes, introductions, and my first big surprise of the morning: there are only about 50 of us. I had expected 1000+.

Everyone seems to have ninja-level networking skills, so I swallow my awkwardness and dive in. "Hi, I’m Lisa Bunker. I co-founded the Women of Purpose Lean In Circle at my library in Tucson, Arizona"

How did I get here? My mind went back to 2014, when Wish List Hero founder Heather Hiscox, and Eller MBA student Amelia Klawon asked if a circle was a good fit for the Pima County Public Library’s new Idea+Space. It certainly was. I had been looking for national organizations that filled a deep need and provided a ready-made framework for meetups at the library. Lean In was perfect.

Lean In Regional Leader Conference — Making introductions. L-R: Abir Abdul Rahim (Lean In Malyasia), Rena Suzuki (Lean In Tokyo), me, Ikuska Sanza (Lean In Barcelona).
LeanIn.org

Back in the hotel lobby, I meet more of the women. I am blown away. Boston, Seattle, Los Angeles, Washington D.C. … these cities I expect. Dubai, Karachi, Shanghai, Barcelona, Kuala Lumpur, Milan, Paris — easily half of women attending the Lean In Regional Leader Conference are from outside the US. I’m a little starstruck, something that I would feel over and over again during the weekend.

LeanIn.org was created in the surge of energy that followed Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s TED Talk and bestselling book about how women approach their careers in the everyday workplace.

Throughout her career at Google, then Facebook, Sandberg noticed that women were often hesitant to “lean in” at meetings and in their own career decisions. She gave a TED Talk called “Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders.” The talk struck a nerve for many women, and instantly went viral. Sandberg then wrote the book “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead” (library catalog), and created LeanIn.org, a framework to enable women to form support circles all over the world.

For the next two days in Palo Alto we would be learning how to manage Lean In Circles and Chapters by actually doing it ourselves, a way I love to learn.

I was determined be completely open about our Tucson chapter: it started well, but lately it’s been rocky. You expect that when you try something new, but truthfully, the value to members has been uneven. Often brilliant and helpful; other times we’d leave still feeling unconnected and uninspired. We experimented with the time, structure and location but by last April we had run out of steam and put the circle meetings on hiatus. The questions I would be asking throughout the weekend were: What was possible and how could we make the experience valuable to more women? What could a fresh start look like?

We head out to Facebook Headquarters

I luck out with my seatmate on the bus. She’s Linda Brandt, a Minneapolis woman who has been busy organizing additional programming to extend the learning beyond the two days of the conference. She may not be an official Lean In staff member, but she has made its purpose her life’s work. She knows everyone and her ease and joy was contagious.

Going through Facebook security was a kick for those of us who do this rarely. Oooh, a badge. I’m official. Heh. Fingerprinted, signed in, and badged, we step out onto the Facebook campus and head to our meeting place for the day. Breakfast, and “Proceed and Be Bold” swag are there waiting for us. On my left is Ikuska Sanza, representing Lean In Barcelona, and Rena Suzuki from Lean In Tokyo. Rena and I bond over the unlikely topic of Pokémon-hunting.

In which we learn about group norms and creating connections

How do you create groups where stuff actually happens? At the library we’ve begun setting “group norms” for each work group or team. Think of them as ground rules everyone is expected to uphold. For Lean In, the core norms are Confidentiality, Communication and Commitment —in other words, groups trust each other, share ideas and opinions openly, listen deeply and the members are all fully present and invested in the group’s success. Sounds dreamy, right? We started as strangers, but we lived it that weekend.

“Introduce yourself, and in one word, tell us how you’re feeling.”

“I’m Tara from YPO (Lean In Pakistan), and I’m exhilarated.”

“I’m Abir from Asia Women (Malaysia), and I’m feeling awed.”

“I’m Bailey from Clorox Leans In Together, and I’m ready.”

“I’m Lisa from Tucson’s Women of Purpose, and I’m feeling …” (gah, one word? I’m feeling delight, fear, too old, outside my comfort zone, and very excited about what will come) “… humbled.” Well I was.

I become “Team Green”

That morning we break into three smaller pods and learned two kinds of team building by actually doing them together. Yeah Team Green!

I loved using the Lean In Connection Cards, a focused way of sharing stories and building trust. The goal is to go around your small group three times with the cards, each person choosing one to answer.

The questions are ones that help reveal character and the things you have in common that aren’t visible. “Tell us about a time when you overcame adversity.” “What brings out the best in you?” “What three things do you value the most?” We got to know important things about each other quickly and discovered unexpected personal details we had in common. Which card would you choose to answer?

We have lunch, and satisfy some of our curiosity

We were all curious about what the Facebook campus was like, and at lunch we had a chance to watch from our balcony. It reminded me very much of being on the University of Arizona campus at lunch: bicyclists, skateboarders, small groups, people reading and on their phones, and small shops (a bakery! And I heard there was a dentist!) mixed in with departmental offices. Pretty sweet. Soon lunch is whisked away and we are back at work.

In which we ask ourselves how we can inspire more trust, and soul-searching ensues

Trust is crucial to meaningful relationships, right? The afternoon was devoted to a really meaty workshop with Joanna Barsh, the director emerita of McKinsey & Company Consulting and president of the Centered Leadership project, that was focused on what builds and destroys trust. The exercise was especially fascinating because we were all women, and so very international.

You do it: Rate yourself from 1-7 in these four areas:

• Reliability (Do you follow through? Do what you promise?),

• Congruence (Do your words match your actions? Your belief system?),

• Openness (Is there a hidden agenda you’re not sharing? How well do you listen?),

• Acceptance (how well do you withhold judgment? Can you accept people as they are?)

At home, at work, and to yourself.

Where can you work to build your trustworthiness?

We learn from real Circle success stories: Sruti from Washington D.C., Sarah and Abir from Malaysia, Alicia from Seattle, Anna from Lean In Latina and Erika from Lean In Military.

Holy cow. Lean In Circles and Chapters are really working well, beyond what we had dreamt of for Tucson. We heard from four Chapters who were having real impact in their communities, and in the case of Lean In DC, affecting national discourse with their successful Equal Pay Day campaign. For the first time I get a real picture of how we could do better in Tucson and what it would entail.

Smaller Tucson circles, for one. They work best when the circle is 12-15 people who have common experiences. We had been trying to please 150 people with one huge circle, a good reason why our meetups were all over the place.

In which we try to remember what we packed

The first day ended with some OMG-pinch-me news: we were invited to dinner the next day with Sheryl Sandberg herself, where we would celebrate her coming birthday with our goals for the next year in six words or less. Hey, no pressure.

If the first day was energizing and thought-provoking, the second day was more reflective and relaxed. We had two tasks: explore peer support best practices, and firm up our plans for the coming year.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but it was here that I learned that our library is on the cutting edge of peer support and team building. Our team and manager meetings have begun to use techniques that help all people present have a voice, not just a noisy few. For example, discussions often incorporate written reflection and brainstorming via sticky note so that the quieter staff members can contribute in the ways they are most comfortable. It felt great to add some library-tested ideas to the conversation.

But yeah, dinner, and I’m back to being star-struck. Seriously. Sheryl Sandberg is warm, articulate, focused, and kicks ass (can I say that?) at research. Each of us had a few minutes to speak with her (I vaguely remember inviting her to Tucson) and be photographed. Then after dinner we would share our 6-word goals for the coming year. I’ll end with the six-word goal for Tucson: Rebuild anew, from the heart. Yep, I know that’s five words.

Home again, Home again

I think I’ve finally come down off the conference-high and had time to reflect on What It All Means. Here’s what I brought back to Tucson:

Lean In isn’t just for women in the business world, or even those in careers where women struggle to be heard or achieve pay parity. It’s for any woman who has ideas and wants to be a better leader, and for the men who stand with us as full partners.

Lean In’s message is universal: Be at the table. Be bold. Get involved. Own your career and worklife. Support each other.

Tucson’s Chapter and Circles can go anywhere they choose to: the support system is strong and well-networked.

Change starts with trust-building.

Life is better when you ignore your fears and dive in to something new.

Now what?

Our next Women of Purpose Chapter meeting is Sept. 29 at 6 p.m. at Scordato’s Pizza on Stone and River. Please join the group for the meeting details, and to RSVP (we need a head count). I’ll do a short presentation about the conference and present our recommendations for moving forward. Together.

RSVP here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/whats-up-with-lean-in-for-tucson-tickets-27620117515

Where to join

Women of Purpose Chapter: http://leanincircles.org/chapter/women-of-purpose