Ask Amy: Vaping dad places new baby at risk

I spoke with him before the baby was born and tried to encourage him to stop this terrible habit for the baby’s sake.

He goes outside to vape and then comes inside and cuddles with the baby.

I feel that chemicals and nicotine are in his hair and skin and on his clothes and that this is bad for the baby, but I cannot find any definitive answers about vaping in general.

What do you think, and what can I say to get him to quit this bad habit?

— Worried Gran

Dear Gran: Unlike cigarettes, which are at least a uniform size, there is a tremendous variety in vaping delivery systems, and the products they use.

People who vape ingest heated vapor from a pod filled with liquid. Because this liquid is unregulated, the smoker doesn’t really know what is in it. For instance, I’ve read that formaldehyde is one of the chemicals used in some vaping products.

Nicotine, the primary hit in most vaping products, is definitely harmful to children.

The America Academy of Pediatrics (aap.org) warns that any exposure to nicotine, including secondhand exposure from vaping, poses a risk for children.

Even if he smokes outside, your grandson will have nicotine traces on his hands, skin, clothing and in his hair. He should at the very least wash his hands thoroughly (and change his shirt) before cuddling with his baby.

He is doing the right thing in keeping his home smoke-free (he should also not vape in his car). He should take special care to store his vaping products securely. Accidental ingestion of concentrated nicotine and chemical-laced liquid from vaping pods is occurring with increasing frequency. According to a 2016 study published by the AAP, Children exposed to e-cigarettes had higher odds of having a severe outcome than children exposed only to tobacco cigarettes. One child’s death has been reported in association with a nicotine liquid exposure.

Do not focus on trying to force your grandson to quit this habit; whether or not he vapes is his own business.

His instincts to protect his baby from nicotine exposure in the home are positive. Congratulate him for having good dad-instincts, but urge him to take his efforts to the next level.

Dear Amy: I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost five years.

My boyfriend is great, but I feel like he’s trying to control me.

When we met, I occasionally drank alcohol.

Now, he doesn’t let me drink any alcohol, and threatens to leave me if I do.

He says he cares about my health, so I’m not sure if he’s actually controlling me or if he just wants the best for me.

He has no bad history with alcohol, he just doesn’t like it. I do not see a problem with drinking responsibly. Am I being controlled?

— Unsure

Dear Unsure: You don’t mention having a drinking problem, although your question is tricky because people who have a drinking problem seldom cop to it. You believe that you drink responsibly, and that you don’t become belligerent, obnoxious or take undue risks when you’re drinking.

You say your guy “doesn’t let” you drink. You don’t say how he manages this, but generally, as adult partners, you are each responsible for your own actions, not for your partner’s.

He gets to make his own choices, and you get to make yours.

However, because your drinking bothers your guy so very much, you should take an honest and searching look at your drinking habits, as well as his reasons for not wanting you to drink.

If your drinking affects both of you in demonstrable and negative ways, then yes, you should stop, but you should stop because it is best for you, not because he is forcing you.

A neutral third party, such as a clergy member or couples counselor, could help you to sort this out.

Dear Amy: I was so disappointed in your answer to “Upset Wife!” Her husband sent her flowers twice, even though she says she doesn’t like them!

I can’t believe you called her “mean.” Her husband isn’t listening to her, and she feels ignored!

— Upset With YOU

Dear Upset: I have received a huge response to this letter, and most agree with you.

Where I saw a man trying very hard to “connect” (and with absolutely no help from his wife), you all saw a man who wasn’t listening to his partner.