Taylor Swift performs on Feb. 7 as part of the "Eras Tour" at the Tokyo Dome.

Taylor Swift is a blank page in a coloring book. For years, she's been handing her fans the crayons.

This is her gift. Swift’s songs and persona balance specificity and abstraction in a way where both diehard and casual listeners can see themselves in her. 

For a while, this felt authentic. But the facade is fading. Swift’s crayon box is now brought to you by Capital One, has four collectible colorways and costs $24.99 plus tax and shipping. I'm tired. 

Let’s start with the obvious: Taylor Swift is a genuinely talented songwriter largely deserving of her fame. She also has an untouchably loyal legion of fans. And I get why — it’s hard not to see yourself in at least one Swift song. 

Quad-City Times Reporter Gannon Hanevold

But since “The Eras Tour,” a world-conquering jaunt that’s arguably the greatest live music event of all time, Swift’s everywoman mirage has faded.

She is not like you or I. She’s a billionaire. She’s the single most famous musician to ever live. With that in mind, the music feels flatter.

Take "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT," Swift's newest record. It has 15 surprise "Anthology” songs and a two-hour runtime. It also has four collectible vinyl pressings, a Spotify-run launch event and a Target sponsorship. 

On the surface, the album is a mostly inoffensive slog that borrows generously from the instrumental palettes of her previous releases "evermore" and "Midnights."

Thematically, it's nothing new, either.

Taylor Swift reacts during the first half of the NFL Super Bowl 58 football game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday, Feb. 11, 2024, in Las Vegas. (AP Photo/Ashley Landis)

A controversial ex leaves as a villain. "So High School," an ode to her new beau Travis Kelce, is a carefree guitar-driven love song that could have been plucked straight from her "Fearless" days. There's a Kim Kardashian diss that harkens to Swift's "reputation" era, and many Aaron Dessner-produced ballads that would fit right in on "evermore." 

But as a whole, the album feels like one of those credit card commercials that tries to convince you a bank is actually a family. It's further proof that this new era of pop cultural imperialism has turned Swift to an Icarian figure. 

And when she’s this close to the sun, the crayon wax melts and she looks more like a tycoon than a troubadour. 

Either way, I am fascinated by Swift's pop cultural gravity and musical output. I'd even call myself, mildly, a fan. So in this column, I'm ranking all of her albums from worst to best. As a music writer, it’s both a rite of passage and a self-inflicted wound. Wish me luck.

FILE - Taylor Swift performs at the Monumental stadium during her Eras Tour concert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Thursday, Nov. 9, 2023. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko, File)

11) "Taylor Swift" (2006)

I've got a lot of nostalgia for Taylor's debut, but that doesn't make it a great album. On it, her potential is obvious, but her musical infancy is, too. The fake Nashville accent doesn't help.

Best songs: "Teardrops on My Guitar," "Should've Said No"

10) "Midnights" (2022)

There's nothing egregiously bad about "Midnights." It's just vanilla, leveled by Jack Antonoff's production and Swift's melatonin-like emotional intensity. In my eyes, this album was the first crack in her infallible armor, a sign she's running short on fresh material. 

Best songs: "Maroon," "Mastermind," "Labyrinth"

9) "reputation" (2017)

One thing you have to give Taylor credit for is her chameleon-like knack for genre hopping. They call her albums "eras" for a reason. The downside is that this era is one of her worst ones. Trap beats and vague vitriol don't suit her, even if there are a couple keepable hits. 

Best songs: "Delicate," "Gorgeous," "Dress"

8) "Lover" (2019)

"Cruel Summer" is pure pop genius, and it's Swift's greatest hit. "ME!" is her worst one, a sonic kindergarten party that I hope to never hear again. Everything in between on the tracklist is just as polarizing, making this the toughest record to place on the list. 

Best songs: "Cruel Summer," "Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince," "Cornelia Street"

FILE - Taylor Swift performs at the Monumental stadium during her Eras Tour concert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Nov. 9, 2023. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko, File)

7) "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT" (2024)

This is subject to change as the project ages, but I'm mostly lukewarm on "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT." It's self-indulgent. It's bloated. It, so far, lacks a calling card hit. But there are also some candid moments of introspection that make it feel significantly less saltine than its sonic sister, "Midnights." 

Best songs: "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived," "How Did It End?" "Guilty as Sin?"

6) "Fearless" (2008)

The gap between Swift's debut album and "Fearless" is a canyon. Its storybook songwriting and relentless earworms catapulted Swift from country upstart to international star for a reason. It's still a little bit naive, though. 

Best songs: "Fifteen," "White Horse," "The Way I Loved You"

5) "Speak Now" (2010)

I think many casual fans still remember Taylor Swift as she was on "Speak Now": a spinster of heartbreak and optimism with effortless elegance. This was the start of Taylor's break-up song bender that lasted a half decade. Whether or not you cared, you knew who every song was about. You also knew every word. 

Best songs: "Enchanted," "Mine," "Last Kiss"

4) "1989" (2014)

On "1989," Swift metamorphosed from twangy balladeer to synthy pop siren, and the songs still mostly hold up. This album is a top-heavy time capsule of the mid-decade's Polaroid numbness. I don't think it will ever be replicated. That's worth something. 

Best songs: "Style," "Blank Space," "Clean"

3) "folklore" (2020)

Consider this and "evermore" relatively interchangeable. On these sister records, Swift is not an autobiographer, but rather a storyteller. The whispery folk tones suit her voice well, and the fictional narrative arcs are a reprieve from her pop culture-consuming tell-alls. This is Swift in the sweet spot: quippy, incisive and hooky, with no ocean of self-constructed lore to drown in.

Best songs: "mirrorball," "invisible string," "illicit affairs"

2) "evermore" (2020)

Take all the nice things I said about "folklore" and then consider the fact that "evermore" came out during a December when I reckoned with my own dating woes and felt lonely in my hometown. At one point or another, Swift comes for all of us. 

Best songs: "tolerate it," "'tis the damn season," "happiness"

1) "Red" (2012)

If Taylor Swift has a certified classic, "Red" is it. Its lyrics are relatable, and its cheesier songs are worth stomaching. The B-sides are golden, with earnest features by Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol and a young Ed Sheeran. Even the "Taylor's Version" vault tracks are great. All hits, few misses. I'm selfishly hoping Swift can return to this level again. 

Best songs: "State of Grace," "All Too Well," "Sad Beautiful Tragic"

Reader Mailbag

Last week's Reader Mailbag was left empty and now I'm sad enough to write my own tortured poetry. Here's a haiku: 

What's your favorite

Taylor Swift song and why? Tell

me in an email 

(It's ghanevold@qctimes.com, by the way.) 

___


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