How do you have meaningful conversations with people whom you deeply disagree with on a personal level?
A recent Pew research study determined Americans are more divided today than at any point in our history. We are less likely to compromise, which means we are not listening to each other. A conversation requires balance between talking and listening, and we seem to have lost our listening skills.
Celeste Headlee, a journalist and author, says we live in an environment where every conversation has the potential to evolve into an argument. People are passionate about topics that used to be considered trivial. Headlee shares some of these tips in her TED talk, βHow to have better conversations.β
Listening is the most important skill you need to develop. Everyone has something they can teach you.
It is important to enter each conversation assuming you have something to learn. According to the Buddha, if your mouth is open, you are not learning. Do your best to listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to reply.
Stories and ideas will come to you while the other person is talking. Let them come and go. If you try to remember your idea so you can share it later, you stop listening to the other person. True listening requires a setting aside of oneself.
Try not to equate your experience with theirs. If they are talking about losing a family member, do not share your story about losing a family member. It is not the same, it is never the same. All experiences are individual, and remember you are listening with the intent to understand, not with the intent to reply.
If you enter every conversation with a focus on learning, your conversations may become more meaningful and fulfilling. Become the student and not the teacher.
