Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
There’s this nice guy at work whose grandmother died unexpectedly six weeks ago. Because his credit cards were maxed out, I lent him $300 so he could fly to the funeral. He was really appreciative, and, long story short, we became involved soon after he returned. I’m extremely happy, except for one thing: He hasn’t said a word about paying me back. Does our being together mean he doesn’t have to? At the time I gave him the money, he said he’d repay me out of his next two paychecks, but that hasn’t happened, and I don’t know what to think or do.
— Victoria, Buffalo, New York
Dear Victoria:
Don’t start planning your wedding. Look, an honorable person would never assume that initiating a romantic relationship meant a debt like this one was washed away. On the contrary, an honorable person would have paid you on schedule or apologized for being unable to, regardless of his involvement with you.
As it is, your new boyfriend’s credit card situation suggests he has trouble living within his means. This, plus his behavior toward you — specifically, his apparent presumption that he doesn’t owe you so much as an explanation for not repaying you as he promised — suggests a serious lack of character. Continue seeing him if you must, Victoria. But whatever you do, don’t lend this guy another dime.
One more thing: Come next payday, ask him for the money he owes you. Trust us, you’ve got absolutely nothing to lose.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My elderly father remarried following the death of my mother. While she was still alive, I know their wills called for their estate to be divided between my brothers and me after both parents were gone. But none of us know if Dad has rewritten his will to include his new wife and her adult children, and, out of respect for his privacy, none of us wants to ask. What do you suggest we do? Dad isn’t a wealthy man, but still, we sibs would like to know, as we plan for the future, whether we’re going to receive the inheritances we once were told we’d be getting.
— Concerned in Pennsylvania
Dear Concerned:
Especially since he once shared his estate plans with you, it’s a bit remiss of your father not to address the uncertainty he should realize his remarriage has created. But while it would be nice for him to bring you up to date, he is, as you say, entitled to his privacy (as is his new wife), and he has no obligation to show you his will.
That said, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for you and your brothers to ask your father whether the status of those inheritances he once spoke of has changed. If, however, you’re worried about how he might react, or if you still don’t feel comfortable asking, then all you can do is wait ... and be very nice to your stepmother in the meantime.
