Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My father is so tight he squeaks. Don’t get me wrong — Dad’s a sweet guy. But he hates to part with a buck.
The reason this is a problem is that he’s in his 90s, and I’ve quit my job to look after him. For the past six months, I’ve been preparing him three meals a day, cleaning his house, doing his laundry, driving him to his appointments and, now that he’s fired the gardener, doing the yard work. I’m also clearing out his house to get it ready to sell, as well as hiring and supervising the plumbers, painters and electricians needed to fix up the place. While I’m doing all this out of love, I’d still like to be paid something as a token of appreciation for my efforts. Dad’s OK with that, but he thinks the right amount is $300 per month. I think it should be at least $1,000 per month. Who’s right? We’ve both agreed to listen to what you have to say. And so you know, my father isn’t hurting for money — not at all — and neither are my husband and I.
— Anonymous, San Francisco Bay Area
Dear Anonymous:
At a thousand dollars a month, your father would be getting the home-care deal of the century. Where you folks live, he’d have a hard time finding someone to do all you do for five times that amount ... and you do it with love. Assuming he won’t be compromising his financial security, the “token of appreciation” he gives you should contain four digits.
Not that we don’t sympathize with your father. Sticker shock can be a problem for 50-somethings. For nonagenarians, it’s a chronic condition. Respectfully, though, we urge your father to recalibrate his idea of what a token payment to you should be in light of what he would otherwise have to pay for all the services you provide.
P.S. Since apparently your father can afford it, have you considered hiring someone else to do some of the more routine chores on your list? If your dad’s in his 90s, you must be at least in your 60s, and that seems late in life to be cleaning someone else’s house and doing his laundry if you don’t have to.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My aunt died, then two weeks later my mother died. In her will, my aunt left everything to her surviving siblings, yet my mother received nothing. Recently, my cousin told me that if my mother had lived just two weeks longer, she would have inherited half of my aunt’s estate, money which I then would have inherited, as Mom’s only beneficiary. Can this be right? Again, my mother was alive when my aunt passed away.
— Butch, South Carolina
Dear Butch:
It is not uncommon for wills to stipulate that in order to receive a bequest, an heir must survive the decedent for a certain period of time — say, 30 or 60 days. A provision like that probably is what your cousin was referring to. But talk to a lawyer and find out for sure what the story is.
