Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
I’m considering selling some of the family heirlooms I’ve inherited (I have no children to pass them down to). Since some of the items are of considerable value, is it acceptable to ask my siblings to pay me a fair price for them if they want them? Or does blood trump money, and should I just pass these things along so that they stay in the family?
— A.S., Silicon Valley, California
Dear A.S.:
Blood does matter. But how much depends a lot on the history associated with each piece. For example, if an heirloom was left to you with the understanding that it was to remain in the family, you should give it or leave it — not offer to sell it — to a relative you’re confident will want it. Similarly, if you’ve inherited, say, your mother’s engagement ring or something of comparable sentimental value, you should offer to give it to one of your siblings.
But the less personal meaning an item has, the more appropriate it is to ask your siblings if they’d like to buy it. If there are valuable pieces they’d like to have but are unwilling to pay for, too bad for them. You are not obligated, simply by virtue of being childless, to give away every family heirloom you’ve inherited.
P.S. For the record, the “fair price” you speak of should be what you could realize selling the item to someone else (e.g., a dealer), not what it would cost you to buy it. Once you’ve determined that price, consider offering your siblings a 10 or 15 percent “family discount,” for the sake of goodwill.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
Here’s another dining-out question for you. Friends we see frequently do one thing that drives my wife and me crazy, namely: Whenever we go out to a restaurant together, they ask the person who seats us to give us a better table. We’ve told our friends we don’t think this is necessary — that we’re happy sitting anywhere. But they always say “the food’s no more expensive at a good table,” and they make it a point to get the best one available. What can we do about this?
— Mark, Stamford, Connecticut
Dear Mark:
There’s nothing wrong with politely asking a head waiter or hostess for a table other than the one to which they first take you. After all, not only is the meal no more expensive at a table by the window, you don’t get a discount for dining at a table that faces the bathroom or adjoins a noisy service station. So unless your friends are pushy or unpleasant when they ask for a better seat, their behavior is not out of line.
Of course, you may feel it’s definitionally pushy to ask for a better table. If that’s the case, you can always stop eating out with these folks. But we encourage you to try to relax and enjoy the benefit of their efforts. Because unless you’re a regular or a celebrity, the first table you’re offered at most restaurants generally is not the best one available.
