News and Opinions on Proposition 123

Stanley

Feldman

Proposition 123 may sound like a good deal, but it’s not. In fact, almost all of Proposition 123’s supporters concede it’s a bad deal, and here are some reasons why:

1. Prop. 123 only pays about 70 percent of the amount the courts have already ruled is due the schools under Prop. 301, which the voters passed in 2000.

2. Of the future funding contemplated by Proposition 123, about two-thirds will come from the Arizona State Land Trust Fund that Congress established when Arizona became a state. Approximately 2½ percent of the annual earnings from trust land sales or rentals is paid to schools each year.

But Prop. 123 increases that to over 6 percent per year, thus depleting trust principal and depriving future generations of the security provided by the trust. It is truly a case of robbing Peter to pay Peter — using the schools’ money to pay the debt owed the schools.

3. Prop. 123 contains a number of so-called triggers enabling a future legislature to renege on its obligation to make future appropriations contemplated by Prop. 123.

The current legislative majority reneged on Prop. 301, which is how we got to this point, so who can say that future legislatures would not be as willing to violate the public trust?

4. Prop. 123 will not provide enough money to fix the underfunding problems created by our past and present legislatures. Its supports call it only the “first step.”

5. Prop. 123 may well violate the congressional act that enabled Arizona to become a state and that created the trust.

6. The state presently has an almost $1 billion budget surplus. If the Legislature and the governor want to fix our schools, they could and should give some of that to the schools right now.

7. Neither the governor nor the Legislature has bothered to tell us what they are going to do after we take the “first step” by passing Prop. 123. Gov. Doug Ducey has said that he’ll worry about that after it passes.

He has also said, and the 2016-17 budget contemplates, an approximately $30 million tax cut for next year. The governor has also pledged to never raise taxes. Where is the future money going to come from? Another raid on the trust fund?

Almost all of Prop. 123’s proponents concede that, standing alone, it is a bad deal and will not provide enough money to schools. But, they argue, it is a “first step,” and future legislatures will go forward to appropriate needed funding.

What possible basis is there to believe that a legislative majority and administration that have starved the schools in the past will experience some sort of epiphany and reverse course?

Given the position of the Governor and current legislative majority, any hope that they will cure the problem is pure fantasy. We need to do a lot better, and we need to do it the way Arizona’s founders envisioned for our schools.

Let’s follow through with what the taxpayers ordered in 2000 with Prop. 301 and fight it out in the courts, which have already held that the Legislature must obey Prop. 301.

Let’s not indulge in this fantasy that the current legislative majority and the Governor will do what is necessary to solve the problem.

If they were willing to do that, they would have done what they were commanded to do in Prop. 301 or could have allocated some of the current $1 billion surplus for our schools.

Vote ‘no’ on 123.

So. How are you feeling today – about your life, our community, the country?

I’ve been feeling a bit meh, myself.

We’re in unsettling times. This happens every presidential election, because it’s our time to take stock and think about the future. We’re supposed to weigh possibilities and evaluate potential leaders from a group of qualified candidates.

The undercurrent of hopelessness I sense, and maybe I’m projecting here, but it’s tied to the rise of Donald Trump. The realization that so many Americans agree with this sexist, racist and vapid con man is downright depressing. Add on the realization that Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is seen as the “reasonable” and Republican mainstream alternative and we’re in angst overload territory.

On the Democratic side the animus is more personal between the two candidates’ supporters. Allegiances have been made to Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton, and that’s become a litmus test, even among friends. Value judgments and assumptions are made about the people in the other’s camp, and things get nasty fast. The bigger goal is lost in personal pettiness.

In Arizona we’re facing a decision on Prop. 123, the measure that would get some more money into public schools in the near term, but at a long-term price.

People who are usually on the same side of issues, particularly on education, are divided. The quarrel isn’t over whether schools need, and legally are entitled to, more funding — the disagreement is over whether Prop. 123 is the way to get it done. The proposition would settle a lawsuit over the Legislature’s elimination of inflation funding for schools, which back in 2000 voters mandated be paid.

Alternatives to properly fund schools are out there, proposed by Prop. 123 opponents, including state Treasurer Jeff DeWit and supported by a number of prominent Democrats.

That alliance brings together odd bedfellows — DeWit is the Arizona campaign chair for Trump. But for this, they’re on the same side. That’s encouraging.

But even if the alternatives are the most brilliant ideas ever, they’re not on the table. They’re not an option, and rejecting Prop. 123 as a fulcrum to get the Republicans to support something better is a losing bet.

My dad’s mom had a thing she’d say about circumstances out of her control, like the weather or the bus running late: “Eh, but what are you gonna do?” It was more of a figure of speech, I thought, but it’s evolved into a real question.

I acknowledge the discord in my position on Prop. 123. It’s a bad deal. But there’s no other way, in the near term, to change the atmosphere at the Capitol enough to get significantly more money into public schools.

We need to harness the energy from the presidential campaign into local politics, and to make changes in the Arizona Legislature. Get more Republicans to vote in their primaries, so better candidates end up in the general election. There are ways to improve the system, but they require the long game, and that’s hard to sustain.

I’ve said it before – it’s easy to get discouraged about politics in Arizona. But the Prop. 123 discussion has created some alliances between people who don’t have much else in common.

That, at the very least, is a good start.

World View opinion was missing something

Re: the April 24 op-ed “Will investment in World View pay off?”

Two opposing views are presented: one by Pima County Administrator Chuck Huckelberry and the other by Jim Manley, a senior attorney for the Goldwater Institute, a conservative and libertarian public policy think tank.

Huckelberry writes “the county signed an economic incentive agreement with World View” that will provide “nearly 500 high-paying new jobs.” Manley writes that economic improvement is “a job for entrepreneurs .”

In order for Star readers to reach an informed opinion about the relative merits of providing government incentives to World View, it would have been helpful if Manley had included the names of the entrepreneurs who stand ready to provide “nearly 500 high-paying new jobs.”

Tom House

Midtown

World View math not adding up

Jim Manley of the Goldwater Institute states that Pima County’s economic incentive agreement with World View will not show a return on investment until Year 18 of the 20-year plan. It appears that he must have gone to one of the public schools defunded by the efforts of his organization and the American Legislative Exchange Council.

Otherwise he would know that, since the World View monthly payments are greater than the monthly cost of financing the project, Pima County will make a return every month of the agreement.

Yes, this project does have its risks. But these pale in comparison to risks that his organization foist on the people of Arizona through their advocating for defunding state spending on roads, health and child protection.

Peter Dean

Sahuarita

Broadway widening project is pointless

Re: the April 26 editorial “Why I voted against Broadway project.”

I applaud Steve Kozachik. The Broadway widening plan is a project without a purpose. (Unless the purpose is to create business for the road construction industry and for real estate developers who will benefit from customers fleeing the upheaval.) What problem are we trying to solve here? We seem to have planners who want to turn our midtown area of neighborhoods into a series of intersections on the way to parking lots.

There is room to make bus pullouts at various locations without having to destroy properties. Other than that, let us beautify our neighborhoods, not destroy them.

Margaret Goonan

Midtown

Claims on pothole damage don’t work out

On Oct. 29, 2015, I was on my way to an oncology appointment. It was a day of heavy rain and hail. Going up 22nd Street, I hit a pothole that resulted in a damaged tire that needed replacement. I contacted the city risk management department. They sent out a claim form that I completed and mailed back.

It was returned, saying that “the exact location wasn’t named.” Due to the stress of the weather, the traffic and the nature of my appointment, I really didn’t notice the exact location. Later I drove that way again to find the pothole and resubmitted the claim form, noting the exact location. By this time the hole had been filled. The claim was denied, again, with the excuse being that the pothole was not previously reported before I hit it and ruined my tire. What a convoluted system.

Marcella Leight

Green Valley

Take a closer look at Prop. 123, please

All of us would like to think that Proposition 123 is the best deal possible for Arizona’s school children present and future, and for their teachers. However, as Rep. Bruce Wheeler has come to realize, the proposed settlement of the lawsuit for the refusal of the Legislature and governor to fully fund our schools in accord with the requirements of the state’s constitution is a sham. It is a doozy of a deal that would condemn public education in our state to perpetual penuriousness.

With Gov. Ducey and the legislative majority determined to cut taxes every year, how long will it be until the present 42 percent of the budget devoted to education becomes 50 percent, a no-no under Proposition 123? Thank you, Rep. Wheeler, for continuing to study the issues after deciding to support Prop. 123, and for sharing your change of mind with the people you truly represent. Any others having second thoughts? Speak up now before it’s too late.

Frank Bergen

Northeast side

Vote for 123 supports anti-public school stand

Re: the April 25 editorial “Our View: Vote yes on Proposition 123.”

What a disappointment that this editorial supports Proposition 123. We have become a state of low/no expectations and seem to have lost hope for anything better.

I have become increasingly convinced that passage of 123 will successfully reduce future funding for K-12 education and go a long way to destroying the environment of the state as Gov. Ducey sells state land to the highest bidder.

Why would anyone vote to support a proposal from a governor who has made clear his intent to destroy public education? A vote for Prop. 123 supports this vile effort.

Porter Edwards

Midtown

Ducey’s school plan shrewd, destructive

Gov. Ducey’s plan to satisfy a financially starved public education system is both shrewd and destructive.

It is shrewd because it provides the state with the ability to avoid a voter mandate while simultaneously enlisting the sympathy of desperate recipients who reason that it is better to receive 30 percent of a promise now than it is to struggle to get the entire promise.

It is destructive because it will not satisfy a desperate need in the short run while permanently compromising the source of that satisfaction, and it will defer the need to provide a permanent solution to the financial dilemma facing public school education.

If Prop. 123 is passed, what will change for the better? Public school funding (and teacher salaries) will still rank near the bottom of all states.

Its passage will ensure that the payout from the trust will be greater than the earnings, so the principal value will decline, thus causing future payouts to decline. A hundred years of inheritance will be quickly squandered.

Ben Tuchi

Northwest side

Protest is a problem, but vote snafu isn’t

Re: the April 22 article “Traffic blockers at political rallies draw senators’ ire.”

Sen. John Kavanagh and Sen. Jeff Dial are highly indignant about a group of protesters who blocked roads, supposedly preventing people from attending a Donald Trump rally in Phoenix.

Yet, as the article pointed out somehow Jan Brewer, Joe Arpaio, and even Trump managed to get to the rally, as did many of the other attendees.

As a consequence of protesting, our dear legislators now want to impose an even-more-stringent penalty. Yet, when it came to voters having to stand in line for hours to express their civic responsibility on primary day, these same self-centered legislators did not even raise an iota of “protest” about how this state interfered with the democratic process of its citizens. Who really should go to jail?

Patricia Baker

Oro Valley

Dog noise incessant in ‘Bark-muda Triangle’

I live in the Palo Verde neighborhood of midtown. My partner and I have renamed the 1400 block of North Camilla Boulevard and adjoining area as the “Bark-muda Triangle.”

We are literally surrounded by obnoxious dogs; combined, this cacophony of canines barks round the clock. One desolate animal barks nonstop for hours at a stretch.

Another howls along with every single siren, no matter what time of day or night.

I would respectively ask that these pet owners take better care of their animals and see to it that they are not left unattended for long periods, nor should they be allowed to bark or howl for solely recreational purposes.

A guard animal is one thing; a bored, lonely or neglected animal is another. I would also ask my fellow sleep-deprived neighbors to report offending animals to the county animal control.

Lou Fitz

Midtown

Nation needs complete Supreme Court

Both of Arizona’s senators have decided that it is proper to wait until after the election to work on confirmation of the Supreme Court nominee.

What will happen if there are constitutional questions about the election and the Supreme Court cannot achieve a majority decision because it lacks the ninth judge? Remember the Gore/Bush election decision by the Supreme Court was not that long ago.

The question of the Obama executive order on immigration may also not be decided. There may be other decisions that will be postponed — how long?

Can our nation survive a serious constitutional crisis without a complete Supreme Court? Isn’t it the obligation of the Senate to anticipate and address this catastrophe quickly?

Pat Desai

North side

Lawmakers keep state from its potential

Do our governor and Legislature believe we’re stupid? We allow the power of money to usurp sound policy and lawmaking. Money influences elections and bills. We allow politicians to cut taxes and sweep monies from our roads, schools and courts.

Then once they have us “over the barrel” they offer (1) a controversial funding mechanism for schools in exchange for legislative changes altering our powers, and (2) a promise to restore funding to the courts in exchange for an expansion in the number of Supreme Court justices, even though the justices feel expansion is unnecessary.

The American Legislative Exchange Council lists Arizona as fifth in the country for economic outlook citing our “lower taxes, fewer regulations and right-to-work laws.”

A great outlook, but we’ve been looking to attract new businesses and jobs for years. We have cut taxes and intend more cuts. Without good roads and schools we may never attract them.

Guy Brunt

West side

State deserves better than Prop. 123

Our teachers and students cannot wait for our legislature to obey the Proposition 301 law, upheld by Arizona courts. But, they deserve better than Proposition 123.

Why should our Legislature and governor be rewarded for their willful disregard for Arizona voters and blatant illegal violation of Proposition 301?

Prop. 123 is a short-term scheme with many hidden negative funding provisions. Interest from the state land trust currently provides $80 million to public education annually. The trust could be drained in about a decade when Prop. 123 depletes the trust’s principal. In our anti-education environment, what could possibly go wrong ?

Proposition 301 needs to be restored. To immediately help teachers and students, our Legislature and governor should release a majority of Arizona’s $600 million budget surplus. In November, voters need to select new leadership.

Kathy Krucker

Midtown

Citizens should benefit from solar energy

Re: the April 16 article “Initiative seeks to block solar use ‘demand charges’.”

It is yet another commentary on the sad state of Arizona government that we apparently need a constitutional amendment to guarantee Arizonans’ right to benefit from solar energy.

The Nobel Prize-winning chemist Frederick Soddy listed energy along with “discovery” (i.e. advances in human knowledge) as principle ingredients in the formation of wealth.

But, taking a page from the nation’s too big to fail (TBTF) banks, the state’s utilities have apparently decided that they alone should benefit from the generation of electricity.

When the TBTF banks realized they could have the Federal Reserve create interest-free money to balance their books, they decided to stop paying depositors for the use of their money.

When Arizona’s utilities discovered they could use the Arizona Corporation Commission to repeal the laws of physics (favoring distributed electricity generation), they decided to stop paying their solar customers even what they charged their non-solar neighbors for excess power they generated and sent next door.

Steven Lesh

East side

You pick up your ballot, you think about Prop. 123, and you get angry.

It’s a common feeling among Southern Arizona voters now, as we consider how to vote on the proposal that would raise funding for public schools by increasing withdrawals from the state land trust.

Many voters, I’ve found, are irate about the position we’ve been put in. Voting for the proposition rewards legislators for thwarting our will, the ballot proposition we voted for in 2000 to pay for schools.

But voting against the proposition leads … where?

Nowhere helpful, supporters of the proposition say. But opponents are more optimistic about a rejection, arguing it can lead to a better deal for schools.

Morgan Abraham, the chair of the “no” campaign, suggested I think of the situation politically. Voters are demanding that the state fund the schools adequately, and if we vote this proposal down, that demand won’t go away.

For legislators and the governor, “There’s no path forward without funding education,” Abraham said. “No one is going to be talking about anything else in politics unless this gets resolved.”

They will be forced to use the state’s general fund or a new tax proposal to do it, he argued, because that’s what voters will have shown they want.

Treasurer Jeff DeWit laid out a plan Thursday to use the budget surplus to pay for education, rather than spending the land fund, which he administers.

“If Prop. 123 fails, it is not Arizona saying they don’t want teachers to have money. It’s saying they want to do it the right way,” DeWit said. “Everyone I know who is against Prop. 123 is for teachers getting more money.”

He says there’s another way, beyond political pressure, to get the job done within the context of the lawsuit that 123 attempts to settle.

By virtue of his position as treasurer, DeWit is a defendant in the suit by school districts. Naming him as a defendant is just a formality, and it’s the Legislature that has actually been fighting the will of voters.

But DeWit thinks maybe he can use his formal position as a party to the suit to intervene and present his proposed settlement. If the proposition fails, he’ll try, he said.

“The very next morning, I’m going to do whatever we can to see how quickly we can get a conference,” DeWit said. “A lot of it will come down to what the judge wants to do. The judge may or may not allow it.”

Separately, DeWit and others have threatened to sue over the proposition if it does pass, arguing that 6.9 percent-per-year withdrawals from the trust fund are not permitted by federal law. The suit has prospects, but as I noted in an earlier column, could be resolved either in the courts or by Congress.

So overall, the opposition is relying on politicians getting the right message from a rejection, which is no guarantee with a legislative majority as hard-headed as ours, although new leaders will be taking control after this session. That, or a favorable decision from a judge.

“I don’t see how you make a public case for more money by saying ‘no’ to money that’s right there in front of you, said Christian Palmer, spokesman for the “yes” campaign.

One of the attorneys for the plaintiffs, Chris Thomas of the Arizona School Boards Association, told me he would fight any effort by DeWit to intervene in the case. It’s likely the Legislature’s attorneys would, too. So that’s not a clear path.

In fact, Thomas has laid out what he thinks will be the timeline for the lawsuit over school funding if the proposition fails. He calls it optimistically a three-year process, in part because there are two pieces of the lawsuit that would proceed on different tracks.

The more advanced piece is forward-looking, setting the annual inflation adjustments for education required by the 2000 voter-approved measure. The piece that’s barely been argued is about how much inflation funding the state owes in “back pay” for years it skipped that funding.

Perhaps political pressure would compel the parties to make something quicker in the court system than the years-long process Thomas projects, but that’s questionable at best.

And in the Legislature? Maybe. My hope is that after November we’ll be working with a chastened Legislature in which a chamber has gone over to the Democrats, providing a check on the GOP’s tax-cuts-at-all-costs ideology in Phoenix. But that’s an iffy prospect, too. More likely we’ll continue to have a Republican majority suspicious of public education, as before.

“People don’t know our Legislature well enough,” attorney Tim Hogan, who is representing plaintiffs in the suit over school funding, told me. “All you have to do is look at some of the things they’ve passed to know they’re not as susceptible to that kind of pressure as maybe the governor is.”

Hogan is preparing a new lawsuit against the state over the uneven and inadequate funding of public-school facilities statewide, but that could be some months off, depending in part on the result of the May 17 election.

In the meantime, a rejection would likely have some practical consequences. More teachers are likely to give up on Arizona and leave. School districts that planned two budgets for next year will have to use the skinny one. Class sizes will likely grow even bigger in many districts. The general fund surplus may be used for education, but that means it won’t go to any of a myriad of other unmet needs. The land trust will grow ever larger, used only conservatively for education.

If we vote with our anger and say “no,” things may get better for public education. But the path there is rough and strewn with obstacles.

Passing Prop. 123 is the only sure way to get more money into Arizona classrooms.

Public education in Arizona is in crisis, the predictable result of nearly a decade of to-the-bone budget cuts and purposeful divestment by the state Legislature.

The existence of Prop. 123 speaks volumes about how desperate Arizona schools are to stanch the budget bleeding. The plan would settle a lengthy lawsuit over the Legislature’s decision to stop giving schools funding increases to cover inflation — a requirement that voters approved in 2000.

The courts have instructed the Legislature to pay schools $300 million immediately, which Republican majority members have refused to do despite pressure from business groups, parents, educators, civic leaders and students. A judge has yet to decide whether schools are owed an additional $1 billion.

Prop. 123 would distribute about $3 billion to Arizona public district and charter schools over the next decade. Most of it would come from the state land trust, which is earmarked to help fund public education anyway — it’s not new money for schools.

There is much to dislike in Prop. 123 — it takes more money from the public education land trust, and it includes triggers that would stop funding education increases under certain economic conditions.

But one of the main objections we’ve heard from opponents is the sense that approving Prop. 123 lets the Republican legislators who’ve starved schools, against the express direction of the voters, off the hook. They point out that it guarantees extra money for 10 years, while what voters approved back in 2000 adds dollars in perpetuity.

Defeating Prop. 123 will not hurt those negligent lawmakers or force them to do right by Arizona kids. If it fails the only people harmed will be children and educators.

In fact, rejecting Prop. 123 would give anti-education lawmakers a victory. They will claim that voters have spoken and said Arizona schools do not need more funding. It would be the wrong message to take from a defeat — Prop. 123 opponents agree schools need more money, but don’t think this is the way to do it — but that won’t matter.

Schools’ needs today are real. Students can’t wait years for the lawsuit to further wind its way through courts. Districts cannot find qualified teachers to hire, and when they do, low salaries and overloaded working conditions push many of them out of the profession within a few years. Median teacher pay in Tucson is about $39,000, compared with $56,000 nationwide, according to the University of Arizona MAP Dashboard.

Many schools don’t have enough or up-to-date textbooks, technology that works or classroom supplies. “Right now Prop. 123 is the only way” to get more school funding quickly, middle school teacher John Fife told us.

While Prop. 123 doesn’t specify that the incoming money be spent on teachers or in the classroom, schools and districts in Pima County have said they’d use it to boost teacher pay.

Opponents of Prop. 123 argue that this lawsuit is the only leverage public education supporters have, and that to give that up is folly. They might be true, but it’s a naive position. These elected officials have had years to do the right thing and have refused.

Opponents also say lawmakers should use the budget surplus to pay schools what they’re owed, and to invest more in education. They’re correct — lawmakers should use the surplus to pay that debt, but they’re not going to.

This will not change until voters elect different, and better, legislators. The way “safe” districts are drawn, it is fantasy to imagine that will happen soon.

Teachers have an opportunity to make a tremendous impact in the Prop. 123 election, and beyond. Yet, voter turnout among educators is low enough to warrant get-out-the-vote efforts in local districts.

Public schools are a frequent target of the Republican majority, and ideologues don’t respond to public demonstrations outside the Capitol, or to public opinion polls. With some 50,000 public school teachers in Arizona, their vote can make a difference the only place it counts, at the ballot box.

Morgan Abraham, who leads the “No on Prop. 123” effort, says that once the May 17 election is over, supporters and opponents will join forces to push the Legislature to do more for our children. This is encouraging.

Voters should support Prop. 123 but understand that this is the first step. Finding and electing pro-public-education lawmakers is the only way to ensure greater education funding in the long run.

School counselors worth weight in gold

Re: the April 17 article “Hectic schedules, no help status quo for school counselors.”

As a high school teacher, I read this story with keen interest. Overall, I think the writer did an admirable job. Having worked with two of the counselors interviewed, I can attest to the accuracy of this article. Like most teachers, I believe my school counselors are worth their weight in gold.

One crucial point that the article failed to make: When he first took office, Gov. Ducey was promoting the idea that we could “fix” our schools by eliminating what he and the Goldwater Institute called “non-classroom spending,” which includes these hardworking, caring professionals.

I’ve also worked in schools that don’t have guidance counselors; not a very pleasant experience for teachers or students. Please remember this article the next time you’re told that school districts are wasting taxpayer dollars “outside” your kids’ classrooms.

Bill Greenberg

Midtown

Cenpatico shouldn’t

manage these tax dollars

Re: the April 19 article “Café 54, at risk of shutting down after insurance cuts, seeks help.”

Coyote Task Force, one of the most respected providers of workforce training to people with mental illness, is at risk of closure.

Why this sudden challenge to a long-standing and successful community program? Because Cenpatico, a subsidiary of the for-profit Centene corporation, became the funding entity for these services last October. According to Y Charts financial information website, Centene’s gross profit margin posted at over 18 percent for the quarter ending December 2015, with similar quarterly trends going back many years.

For-profit companies do not belong in the business of managing and profiting from taxpayer dollars that are intended for the most vulnerable in our society. Cenpatico has taken an approach that reduces funding reimbursements, eliminates billing codes that have been accepted practice of their nonprofit predecessor for years, and brings about changes in practice that result in disentitlement of services.

This reduction in costs and services does not go back to the taxpayer or AHCCCS but lines the pockets of this for-profit Fortune 500 company.

Jan Wallace

Midtown

Proposition 123 is a shell game

Emboldened by the election to the governor’s office of Doug “The Flim-Flam Man” Ducey, the hucksters in the state capitol have embarked on their most brazen shell game to date.

So, here’s how the shell game (Prop. 123) works. Take money out of a trust fund set up to guarantee the education of future generations of Arizona children, and use it to rectify the shortfall in school funding created by the Legislature’s refusal to abide by the mandate approved by voters. This is clearly a case of robbing Peter to pay Paul, where Peter hasn’t even been born yet!

Please vote no on Prop. 123. Don’t reward these ogres for finding an easier way to take candy away from a baby.

Elizabeth Balsbaugh

Green Valley

County runs in circles instead of fixing roads

Re: the April 18 column “Pima County makes its case for more traffic roundabouts.”

I have lived in the Tucson area for 15 years and during that time I believe I have experienced two roundabouts. The experts say roundabouts will increase safety and traffic flow, but as each of us out there is dodging the poor pavement and potholes for our daily travels, we set ourselves up for potential accidents, plus poor pavement contributes to a stressful ride and more potential for accidents.

Increasing the efficiency of the flow of traffic would be enhanced by better roads in general, not by roundabouts, at a comparatively few intersections (estimated cost: $400,000 to $800,000 each).

It’s true, you can’t please all the people all the time, but practical sense should tell us to put our money where it benefits the most people.

It’s about time that Pima County avoids running in circles and repairs our roads. Let’s get around to reason and practicality.

Diane Uhl

Oro Valley

Limit the size of political signs

Re: the April 19 article “Senate approves vague measure on election signs.”

This is just an example of another example of wasted time by Arizona lawmakers. It’s vague and difficult to enforce. Instead, limit the size the signs can be. A huge sign flapping in the wind obstructing views angers me more than it sways my vote. Limit the info on them. Reading some is riskier than texting. Size limits will help reduce obstructions and views.

The signs are up way too long now. Let’s not double that. Strategically place your signs and limit how many you put up. I don’t want to see the same sign dozens of times in a 10-minute trip to the store. Such waste of campaign funds can sway me from voting someone into office. Restrict the size of the signs and how long they can be up so as to not make our corners look like dumping grounds.

Nancy Lyngby

Northwest side

Crosscurrents are buffeting leaders of Tucson’s business community as this year’s election for the Pima County Board of Supervisors takes shape.

On the one hand, voters’ rejection of last November’s county bond issues awoke the Republicans among them — and they are mostly Republicans — to the possibility that a GOP majority could take over the Board of Supervisors this year. Some have met and committed to contribute money toward that end.

On the other hand, the lawsuit against the county’s business-incentive deal with World View Enterprises does not sit well with many of these same leaders. And that legal challenge was inspired by a key Republican many are supporting, incumbent Supervisor Ally Miller, and carried out by the Goldwater Institute, the state’s bastion of free-market Republicanism.

Auto dealer Jim Click told me he is supporting Republicans Steve Christy, Kim DeMarco and Miller for the Board of Supervisors.

“I’ve committed to help Ally Miller,” Click said. But he acknowledged, “I think there are people who might be concerned about Goldwater.”

Click himself is one of them. He’s encouraging Goldwater and Pima County to work out their differences outside of court.

Another is Caid Industries CEO Bill Assenmacher, who also plans to work to get “business-friendly” candidates elected to the supervisors.

“I suggested to my wife that she stop mailing checks to the Goldwater Institute, which she does every month,” Assenmacher said Thursday.

Longtime local developer Don Diamond is on the edges of these discussions, a Republican but not much of a partisan, and isn’t completely comfortable with the idea of revolutionary change on the board. The current board has a 3-2 Democratic majority.

“Maybe I’m showing my age, but I don’t like big sweeps of anything. I’m for improving from within,” he said.

Diamond supports incumbent Democrat Sharon Bronson in her race against Republican challenger DeMarco. He may also support Republican John Winchester in his primary race against Miller, a bridge the others aren’t quite prepared to cross, despite the Goldwater suit.

While many business leaders aren’t comfortable with the acrimony Miller has brought to the board, they agree broadly with her on the issues and can imagine a GOP majority with Miller as a member and led by Christy, the former auto dealer they are all comfortable with. That would make supporting a Republican challenger, like Winchester, unnecessary.

“If we get a majority, it would be nice if everybody would work together,” Click said.

Separately, the leaders of six local business organizations sent a letter Tuesday to Goldwater CEO Darcy Olsen asking that the institute withdraw its lawsuit against the county.

“The Goldwater Institute’s lawsuit already has negatively impacted Tucson and Southern Arizona,” the letter says. “If the suit proceeds, it will further hurt the city, region and entire state at a time when our economy is showing signs of improvement.”

The letter is signed by Ron Shoopman of the Southern Arizona Leadership Council, Mike Varney of the Tucson Metro Chamber of Commerce, Stephen Zylstra of the Arizona Tech Council, Gonzalo de la Melena of the Arizona Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, Joe Snell of Sun Corridor Inc. and Michael Keith of the Downtown Tucson Partnership.

Pro-Hart letter emerges

Some Republican legislators, unhappy with the ire directed at UA President Ann Weaver Hart, have penned a letter in support of her and her appointment to the DeVry Educational Group board. Sen. Steve Pierce, a UA graduate who represents the Prescott area, led the effort in the Senate and Rep. T.J. Shope, a Republican from Coolidge, led it in the state House.

“We should be encouraging collaboration and communication between educational institutions, not attempting to shut it down,” the letter says.

It’s signed by 13 members of the Legislature.

Pierce told me Thursday he thinks Hart’s appointment to the DeVry board has been blown out of proportion and has become political. Previously, 22 legislators, largely Democrats, signed a letter demanding that Hart step down from her UA post or her DeVry job.

DuVal disappoints Dems

It came as a shock to Democrats Wednesday when their former gubernatorial candidate, Fred DuVal, embraced Prop. 123, the ballot issue that would use increasing withdrawals from the state land trust to improve school funding.

It wasn’t so much that DuVal supported the measure — plenty of Democrats do, though it seems to be a minority position in the party. It’s that DuVal appeared in an ad supporting the proposition with Republican Gov. Doug Ducey, whom DuVal had accused in the campaign of waging class warfare with his approach to public education.

Even his former Southern Arizona campaign manager, Janet Marcotte, was dismayed. She called the appearance in the ad “a bridge too far.”

“Speaking out on the issue is one thing,” she said. “Aligning yourself with the architect of this horrible choice people are being asked to make is quite another.”

Gowan goes national

Rep. David Gowan’s term as House speaker has drawn even the attention of the New York Times. Reporter Fernanda Santos, who is based in Phoenix, reported in a piece that appeared Saturday on the ups and downs of the performance of the man from Sierra Vista, noting especially his since-rescinded policy of requiring reporters to go through background checks in order to report from the floor.

Local Republicans Frank Antenori and Jonathan Paton are quoted in support of Gowan, and local Democrat Bruce Wheeler, a current member, is quoted as calling Gowan’s speakership “disastrous.”

Café 54 delivers more than good food

Re: the April 19 article “Café 54, at risk of shutting down after insurance cuts, seeks help.”

I urge our entire community to dig deep and help Café 54 with much needed financial support to ensure the survival of this incredibly worthwhile cause. I personally have been a patron of Café 54 since its inception. Not only does the restaurant serve gourmet-quality food, but the quality of professionalism offered by management as well as the staff they train is second to none!

I can’t express enough that the loss of Café 54 would be a devastating loss to our community, both as a tremendous source of “great eats” for the downtown community and as a tremendous resource for offering much needed rehabilitation services for many of our brethren in our community. Thank you Café 54, for all you have done and I hope and pray will be able to continue to do.

Joy Williams

Foothills

Mandatory sentencing should be abolished

Re: the April 17 article “Mandatory terms serve few, parents of jailed woman say.”

The Colleen Johnson story is a perfect example of the injustice of the mandatory sentencing laws. I know Colleen. I know that she had turned her life around; she had a job, an apartment, friends, and she was sober. Then a two-year-old lab test was finally processed and the county attorney’s office was forced to prosecute, and the judge was forced to sentence her to the minimum 4ƒ years in prison.

How is society served by this? We taxpayers are stuck with the huge expense of incarcerating her, Colleen’s life is destroyed because as a felon she won’t be able to rent an apartment or find a decent job. Her parents are heartbroken.

The Legislature needs to revisit this legislation.

Lea Heckman

Northwest side

Voters, do check your registration card

Your April 16 article titled “Good time to check voter registration Card” is important for all Arizona voters. Voters should ensure that they are registered, know their precinct, and the voting location for their precinct if they don’t vote by mail. I found that my voter registration card was accurate, but that the publication sent to voters by the Arizona Secretary of State’s Office on the upcoming referendum on Proposition 123 did not show the correct precinct number.

Thomas Hestwood

Oro Valley

Quarrel over Hart hurts DeVry graduates

Arizona and our residents benefit from a variety of advanced educational options from both public and private providers.

However, the quarrel over the DeVry Education Group’s board appointment of UA President Ann Weaver Hart, is both undeserved, and damaging to Arizona citizens, especially those with DeVry training and degrees.

It has been alleged that DeVry ran misleading advertisements four years ago in 2012, although there has been no ruling on the matter.

Nonetheless, a small group of Democratic legislators, activists and newspaper columnists have now called upon Hart to resign as UA president, simply because she did not acquiesce to their demands to step down from the DeVry board.

According to “Inside Higher Ed,” nearly one-third of all public college presidents serve on corporate boards.

Accusations by Democrats, who appear much more supportive of public educational institutions than private, have hurt DeVry and made it more difficult for its graduates to land jobs.

Irresponsible allegations by this small band of political elites have tarnished Arizona’s DeVry graduates, in spite of everything they have worked to accomplish.

Assistant House Democratic Minority Leader Bruce Wheeler stated that Hart’s service on the DeVry board is somehow “unethical,” however he failed to state why it’s unethical.

House Democrats even refused to meet with me and UA officials last week, which leads me to believe that even though Hart did not break any policy or rule, Democratic leaders really don’t want this issue to be resolved.

Their actions and accusations are not only short-sighted, they are also regrettable.

Bob Thorpe

Republican state representative, Flagstaff

Education fight requires new state leadership

As a veteran Arizona public school teacher, I have been in the classroom passionately working with our precious Arizona children while our state leadership has cut our budget to the bone.

Over the past eight years class sizes have ballooned, important programs have been cut, key positions eliminated, supply budgets decimated, and many of our best young teachers have fled the state like the flood water of a monsoon.

I am now encouraged to vote for Proposition 123 because “it’s better than nothing” to provide funding for public education. No matter how you vote on Prop. 123, I urge you to help us “clean house” of our current Arizona leadership.

We need leaders who value our children, our teachers and the entire educational system.

We need leaders who will truly represent “we the people” and follow through on the voter-mandated proposition and the court directive that schools be paid $300 million right now.

After all, our children are Arizona’s future and worth a whole lot more than “it’s better than nothing.”

Tanya Glover

Marana

Mandatory sentencing regulations need to go

I am stunned by the stark contrast between the Star’s April 13 article “County receives grant to help reform its jail system, keep people out of it,” and the April 17 piece, “Mandatory terms serve few, parents of jailed woman say.”

Kudos to Pima County for receiving a $1.5 million grant to reduce its jail population and address racial disparities.

And shame on our state Legislature for maintaining an archaic mandatory sentencing policy that precludes judges from taking individual circumstances into account when defendants are arrested for DUIs and numerous other offenses.

Unbelievably, the mandated sentence for a third DUI offense within seven years is six to 15 years.

As the second article states, a large proportion of state prisoners harbor underlying mental health and/or substance abuse problems that require treatment, not incarceration.

Having worked in the addictions field for close to three decades, I shudder to ponder how many Arizonans’ lives are needlessly destroyed by our archaic mandatory sentencing regulations.

John Newport

Northwest side

PHOENIX — The man who tried to keep Doug Ducey from becoming governor is signing onto his signature education policy initiative: Proposition 123

Democrat Fred DuVal said Wednesday he believes he was the better choice for governor in 2014. “Doug’s priority is to lower taxes for the wealthiest among us,” DuVal said. “My priority is to assure that we adequately fund schools.”

During the gubernatorial campaign, DuVal said if he was elected he would stop fighting a lawsuit brought against the state by schools over the failure of lawmakers to obey a voter-approved measure requiring state aid be increased every year to match inflation.

But Wednesday, DuVal said he supports the proposal crafted by Ducey — and agreed to by education groups — to settle the suit for less than what they claimed. The deal is contingent on voters approving Proposition 123 in a special election May 17.

Teachers in five Tucson-area school districts are being encouraged to make their voices heard, and not just by the students who sit at the back of the classroom.

Tucson Values Teachers and Expect More Arizona have been working since March to encourage educators in the TUSD, Sunnyside, Vail, Sahuarita and Marana districts to take their future, and that of their students, into their own hands by casting a vote.

The initiative is a spinoff of a pilot program that was conducted in the Tucson Unified School District with about 2,000 teachers in the fall of 2014 to engage them in the general election.

With a special election coming in May, the effort has kicked off even earlier and plans are to reach more than double the teachers as in the earlier effort.

“The primary objective is to elevate teachers’ voices,” said Erin Eccleston, vice president of outreach and mobilization for Expect More Arizona. “We know teachers are experts on education and we also know they feel sometimes disconnected from the decisions that are made that impact their classrooms every day.

“So one of the things we’re trying to do is help provide a platform for teachers to have a collective unified, stronger voice. And to make sure that voice is heard on important issues, and the first step to doing that is voting.”

While officials do not expect all teachers to have the same party affiliation or ideology, Expect More Arizona and Tucson Values Teachers are tapping into the one thing educators do have in common: a passion for teaching and for improving the lives of young people.

By working to ensure that teachers are aware of key dates, issues and where they can go to obtain more information, the organizations are hopeful that teachers will feel empowered and inspired to head to the polls.

After the outreach effort in 2014, there was a 3 percentage-point increase in voter turnout for the group of TUSD teachers who were targeted.

Something else the organizations took away from the experience is that teachers are more likely to vote if they’re encouraged to do so by a peer, which is being incorporated into this year’s initiative.

The previous initiative relied heavily on school presentations put on by Tucson Values Teachers, but this time teacher leaders have been identified at each site, and that ambassador works with colleagues to share information.

Following the general election in November, the work is expected to continue by informing teachers about key issues coming up in the legislative session and how to get involved.

“The important thing is that we know that teachers are critically important to ensuring that every child has access to a world-class education,” Eccleston said. “The project we’re working on is really about helping to elevate that voice that teachers have to take it outside of the classroom and connect that expertise to make a greater impact on education, not only in our local community, but statewide.”

Broadway widening keeps Tucson in limbo

The way the Broadway widening project has been handled has created a lot of controversy within the Tucson community.

I don’t believe this outcry has all to do with the road widening but more to do with the frustration on how our local elected officials have governed our city over the past 30 years. By following this project, you can understand why Tucson has become one of the poorest cities of its size in the United States.

The power of the neighborhood groups versus the business community has taken its toll. It is very difficult to get things done here. The future widening of East Broadway was approved by voters in 2006. Do you realize we are in the middle of 2016 without a set design? Only in Tucson would a project be dragged on like this.

I feel sorry for the business people who own or lease properties in the widening area. They have been on hold for years, waiting to see what will happen to their properties.

Pat Darcy

Midtown

Puppy-mill measure

suppresses citizen voices

Re: the April 7 article “Bill blocking local pet-shop rules advances.”

Dear House Republicans:

When you recently voted for SB 1248 you endorsed puppy mill cruelty and greased the path for this vile industry to continue exporting into this state helpless creatures from brutalized mothers living in squalor.

Please do not insult those who opposed SB 1248, either, by latching on to the fallacy that the USDA maintains adequate oversight of this industry.

With all but one House Republican voting in favor, it’s pretty safe to surmise that this was a special-interest vote with no regard for the welfare of animal pawns, including those killed in our pounds.

This was a vote to curry favor with the Koch-funded National Federation of Independent Business. This audacious move was an affront to the democratic process, a suppression of local voices and an insult to the citizens of this state.

Donald Scott

North side

Columnist used fallacies to elicit emotion

Re: the April 11 column “How should US curb companies from moving overseas?”

The Red-Blue America column on corporate inversions was also an excellent lesson in logical fallacies. Joel Mathis’s comment, “Republicans will tell you,” uses Ignoratio Elenchi (meaning ignorance of the refutation).

The fact that corporations can contribute to political campaigns does not give them the same rights as people. The Supreme Court never said that. The real argument was about free speech.

Just because Reuters analyzed six companies doesn’t make it an expert in corporate taxation. Mathis takes a fact and extends it to a preposterous false conclusion.

He also employs the false-choice fallacy in his last paragraph. It is not an either/or situation between paying taxes and being able to contribute to political activities. Everything these corporations have done is legal. These fallacies are designed to elicit emotional responses to a position unsupported by fact.

Raymond Trombino

Green Valley

No happy ending for Hart’s Dickensian saga

In an atmosphere of University of Arizona layoffs, job cuts, empty and unfilled positions, President Ann Weaver Hart received a raise, and tuition has been

increased for incoming students. In addition, she accepted a board position with the DeVry Education Group.

It reads like a bad Charles Dickens’ novel. Chapter Two features 22 Arizona legislators publicly chastising her, along with many Tucson residents. There is a growing chorus against her. This will give our dysfunctional Arizona legislators another reason to reduce and dismiss benefits to Southern Arizona, using her as an excuse and to validate a lack of university funding.

The Arizona Board of Regents share equally in her blame. Where was its leadership and vision when the issue arose?

Ultimately she will resign one position. Sadly, if it is the UA, we’ll lose her talents and her accomplishments. Her résumé is now clouded by the DeVry decision. In the final chapter of this novel, the community, students and UA teachers lose.

Keith McLeod

Northeast side

Prop. 123 ignores voter mandates

Vote yes on Prop. 123? Are you kidding me? How gullible do you think we are?

To vote yes is to let this greedy governor and his marauding legislative minions off the hook regarding the only leverage we have — the lawsuit and the court directive that the $300 million be paid now.

The previous administration and Legislature, as well as the current, have demonstrated their total disrespect for the overwhelming desires of the citizens.

If this proposition is approved, the suit goes away and it opens the floodgates on the land trust, and they’ll ignore the rest. They’ve done it before and they’ll do it again.

Instead, take the next opportunity to put forth a new constitutional amendment that says any governor and/or legislator who puts forth a budget or other legislation that ignores previously mandated propositions by the citizens will have committed a crime calling for jail time until they correct their violation.

My special interests are the kids and teachers.

John Swift

West side

A vague sense of déja vu is starting to well up in me, something other voters may also sense.

I remember that last year a well-funded campaign for public spending in Pima County went down in flames thanks to a fed-up electorate — Democrats and Republicans — as well as a tiny, impoverished opposition campaign with a well-placed elected official, Supervisor Ally Miller, as chief spokesperson.

Pima County bonds election, meet Proposition 123.

A similar dynamic may be developing around the education-funding proposal that goes to Arizona voters May 17 — or sooner if you get an early ballot. A “no” campaign with no paid staff seems to be gaining momentum, thanks in part to outspoken opposition by state Treasurer Jeff DeWit and former holders of his office.

That’s despite the fact that Gov. Doug Ducey and the state’s power structure are behind the ballot measure. Led by the Paradise Valley-Scottsdale crowd, contributors have given $3.7 million to the “yes” campaign. The “no” campaign reported receiving $617 at the last deadline, though that figure has since reached $4,000 to $5,000, chairman Morgan Abraham told me.

And yet, there’s life in the “no” campaign. On Thursday, former Congressman Ron Barber became one of the more high-profile Arizonans to come out in opposition to the proposition.

“It is my belief Prop. 123 will do far more harm than good,” Barber said in a video. “The issues I have with Prop. 123 include numerous triggers that will allow the Legislature to keep money from public education, the fact that it changes our constitution, and the real concern that it depletes our state land trust by eating into the principal.”

I’ve come out in grudging favor of the proposition, which would resolve a lawsuit over school funding against the state Legislature and allow some additional spending for next school year. I think it’s the best we can expect from our current elected officials, and we need to change them if we want better.

But there is certainly merit in the arguments against, arguments that are embraced by many Republicans as well as Democrats. And the more people come out against the measure, the more it opens the door for others to have the political courage to do the same.

GOP delegate swarm

Like many political reporters, the Star’s Joe Ferguson is boning up on the selection process for delegates to the national conventions. He reported April 7 that here in Tucson, as elsewhere, the Ted Cruz campaign was trying to recruit delegates to vote for him on a second ballot if the process reaches that stage at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Now, Joe is massaging the data on those who will be candidates at the state convention April 30 to go to Cleveland. He passed me a list of potential delegates from Pima County Thursday. Here are a few of the names that jumped out at me:

Former state Sen. Frank Antenori, Republican National Committee staffer Sergio Arellano, attorney and former Rio Nuevo board memer Jodi Bain, campaign consultant Christine Bauserman, state Rep. Vince Leach, Tucson Hispanic Chamber of Commerce president Lea Marquez Peterson, NRA board member Todd Rathner, former congressional candidate Gabriela Saucedo Mercer, first vice chair of the state GOP Parralee Schneider and former Pima County GOP chair Bob Westerman.

They’ll be among 900 candidates competing for 55 slots.

KidsCare conclusion

For months, the outrage has been strong and persistent.

State Sen. President Andy Biggs has refused to allow a hearing on a bill that would restart KidsCare, health insurance for 30,000 children of the working poor. As we’ve explained, what’s so mind-blowing is that the insurance is paid for by the federal government.

Arizona simply needs to re-start enrollment, and a bill that flew through the House would do that. It would even stop the program if the federal government stops paying for it.

Now, a resolution to the conflict seems to be in sight. As Sen. Steve Farley, a Tucson Democrat, and others explained to me, it would go like this: When the state budget is being debated on the Senate floor, an amendment will be proposed that would reopen KidsCare enrollment. That way, Biggs and other opponents can vote against it while still allowing others to push it through.

Biggs is running for Congress in the very conservative District 5, and it could be helpful to him in the Republican primary race to be able to say he voted against the bill. That says something about the Republican primary voters in CD5.

Damaging the brand

On Wednesday, we published an op-ed piece by Supervisor Ally Miller in which she argued that it’s the majority of the Pima County board and Administrator Chuck Huckelberry who are responsible for “damaging the brand” of Pima County, if anybody is. Miller pointed out the use of that phrase by Huckelberry and yours truly.

I have no problem with how Miller described her broader argument, but it obscured where that phrase “damaging the brand” comes from. As I reported Feb. 7, it was Miller who used the phrase to encapsulate her strategy for taking control of county government. As she wrote in a November email, “I’m still not sure they realize I have been setting the table for 3 years damaging their brand.”

Early voting for Proposition 123, an education funding plan that would put about $3.5 billion into Arizona’s schools, starts April 20.

The last day to register to vote in the May 17 special election is Monday.

Here’s a primer on the proposal:

Background

If approved, Proposition 123 would settle a lawsuit filed in 2010 by several school districts and education groups over the state’s failure to adjust base level funding for inflation according to a 2000 voter-approved mandate.

The Court of Appeals and the Arizona Supreme Court found that the state did not make inflation adjustments in 2010, 2011 and 2012, according to court documents. The plaintiffs argue that the state also did not make adjustments in 2009 and that it made only a partial adjustment in 2013.

A Maricopa County Superior Court Judge ordered the state in July 2014 to immediately pay more than $300 million to the state’s schools, but rather than pay up, the state filed an appeal. The judge also ordered a hearing to determine the amount of money owed to schools in retroactive funds. That amount has not been determined.

The plaintiffs and the state went back to the negotiating table and agreed on a set of terms that would become Prop. 123.

What it does

Prop. 123 would disburse more than $3 billion to Arizona’s schools over the next 10 years.

A “yes” vote would allow the state to increase the state land trust’s distribution rate to K-12 education from 2.5 to 6.9 percent for 10 years. That would mean the base level per-pupil funding would increase to $3,600 from $3,426.74.

The plan also would pull from the general fund, giving schools $50 million annually for the first five years and $75 million annually for five years after that to support schools’ maintenance and operations.

The measure comes with protection mechanisms in cases of economic downturn, which would suspend inflation adjustments.

Those triggers are:

1) If growth in the state’s sales tax and employment are less than 2 percent;

2) If the allocation for K-12 education is at or exceeds 49 percent of the general fund; and

3) The increased distribution from the state land trust puts the trust at a lower level than the previous year.

For Tucson-area districts, the proposition’s passage means an immediate gain of nearly $26 million. Superintendents previously told the Star that if approved, the money would most likely be used to boost teacher pay.

This settlement makes up for about 70 percent of the lost base level funding increase and half of the $1.3 billion schools say they are owed in back pay, according to a fiscal analysis by the Grand Canyon Institute.

Prop. 123 isn’t meant to cure all of Arizona education’s funding ills, said Andrew Morrill, president of the Arizona Education Association, which is one of the plaintiffs in the original lawsuit and now endorses the measure.

“We have critical funding needs in our schools across the state, and while Prop. 123 doesn’t settle all those, it does settle this lawsuit,” he said in a previous interview.

Who supports it

• Gov. Doug Ducey: “Proposition 123 not only provides new money to our classrooms but also sets in place economic safeguards to protect our state and settles the education funding lawsuit that has been hanging over our state for too long,” he wrote in an argument supporting the measure. He also emphasized that this plan boosts education funding without raising taxes.
• State Speaker of the House David Gowan: Finding funding for education has been the largest challenge in recent years for the Legislature, he wrote. “Prop. 123 is the solution to this challenge. It provides immediate funding and ensures that all increases in state spending are sustainable — both now and in the future.”
• Former State Superintendents of Public Instruction Lisa Graham Keegan and Jaime Molera: “We cannot ignore the fact that sufficient resources absolutely are necessary in order to ensure that all students have access to an extraordinary education.”

Who opposes it

• State treasurer Jeff DeWit: “Prop. 123 is a short-term fix that will leave a long-term scar on our schools and state finances,” the treasurer wrote in an argument against the ballot measure. “This is not ‘new money’ for our schools. The more than 100-year old trust fund has been entrusted in our care for all of Arizona’s children, not just the children of the next 10 years,” he added.
• League of Women Voters Arizona: President Shirley Sandelands said in a news release, “We realize educators in Arizona have been placed in an unenviable position of being willing to accept almost anything at this point and the numbers being touted by supporters of Prop 123 sound good, but it’s not a long-term solution.”

• Morgan Abraham: “(Prop. 123) robs from a trust set up by the founders of Arizona to provide long term income for schools which has worked for over 100 years. This Republican Leadership has not fulfilled its constitutional duty to fund education through the general fund.”

Resources

• Let’s Vote Yes Prop. 123 For AZ Schools: yesprop123.com

• Vote No on Prop. 123: noprop123.com

• Arizona Secretary of the State: azsos.gov

PHOENIX — Saying the state’s current education funding crisis was “manufactured” by the governor and Legislature, the League of Women Voters is urging Arizonans to reject Proposition 123.

In what could be the biggest threat to the plan, the organization said schools would be better off long term if the $3.5 billion measure is defeated in the May 17 special election.

Shirley Sandelands, the organization’s Arizona chair, said her group believes schools deserve, and can get, more.

That conclusion was disputed by Christian Palmer, spokesman for the coalition that is pushing for voter approval.

He acknowledged that the Arizona Supreme Court ruled that lawmakers and the governor illegally ignored a 2000 voter-approved mandate to boost aid to schools annually to compensate for inflation.

But Palmer said courts are still considering the exact amount schools are owed. The education groups that sued have agreed to drop their lawsuit and settle for what Proposition 123 would provide, he said.

Sandelands, however, said the plan should be rejected.

The ballot measure is the direct outgrowth of a 2010 lawsuit filed against the state by the Arizona School Boards Association, the Arizona Education Association and others. That came after lawmakers and then-Gov. Jan Brewer decided to ignore the 2000 law in an effort to balance the state budget.

After the high court ruling, a Superior Court judge calculated that the state immediately owed schools more than $300 million. But the state, rather than pay up, filed an appeal.

Still pending is a separate request by schools to get the more than $1 billion they contend they should have been paid in missed aid.

Under the terms of the deal negotiated by Gov. Doug Ducey, the state will provide $3.5 billion over the next decade above what it would normally pay.

Much of that, though, comes from a trust fund already set aside for state aid to education. That has led state Treasurer Jeff DeWit to oppose the measure because more money taken out now to settle the lawsuit will mean less available for future years.

But AEA President Andrew Morrill said his organization and others see the deal as providing something that continuing with the lawsuit does not: Certainty.

If Proposition 123 is defeated, the case goes back to court, where it could drag on for years. Potentially more significant, the courts could end up giving the schools less money than the proposition offers.

“The terms of Prop. 123 represent a good settlement,” Morrill said.

Sandelands, however, said voters should make the decision that educators so far will not.

“We realize educators in Arizona have been placed in the unenviable position of being willing to accept almost anything at this point,” she said.

“The numbers being touted by supporters of Prop. 123 sound good,” Sandelands continued. “But it’s not a long-term solution.”

Among the longer-term problems that foes have pointed out is what can happen after the extra funds expire at the end of the 10 years.

Of note is that Proposition 123 would amend that 2000 voter-approved measure which mandates annual inflation funding increases. It would allow lawmakers to refuse to provide inflation increases any time K-12 funding exceeds 49 percent of the state budget; at 50 percent the Legislature actually could reduce state aid.

Schools currently make up about 42 percent of state spending.

Sandelands said the better alternative is to keep the 2000 inflation mandate in place forever, as it is now — and require lawmakers to obey the law.

“Voters in 2000 provided that long-term solution and our political leaders decided to ignore them,” she said, creating the crisis that Proposition 123 now seeks to fix.

Morrill, however, said he does not see the measure as the end of the discussion.

“It’s a critical first step,” he said.

And Morrill said he is counting on continued public pressure on lawmakers to ensure that schools are getting what they need.

Sandelands said there’s something else missing from the deal — the 2000 ballot measure included something else: an extra six-tenths of a cent on state sales taxes, with the money earmarked for education. But that surcharge — and the approximately $600 million it raises for schools — expires at the end of the decade and there is nothing in Proposition 123 to replace those dollars.

She also criticized tax cuts provided during the past few years to business interests. Sandelands said lawmakers have caved in to “large corporate backers to their campaign war chests.”

On the issue of tax cuts, Morrill found himself in agreement with Sandelands, saying legislators should back away from making even more cuts to state revenues this year.

Ducey did not respond to requests to comment on the League of Women Voters position.

The group’s position is against what has been a well-funded pro-123 campaign. Supporters have so far raised more than $4 million; the financial disclosure report filed by the only organized opposition group listed just $617 in donations.

I told Rosa from behind my menu that I couldn’t make up my mind. “Oh, come on. The choice is easy. Scrambled or sunny side up?”

“That’s not what I meant. Prop 123. Are you for it or against it?”

Romero sulked. “There goes a perfectly beautiful morning. Can we please talk about something--”

Rosa said, “I’m for it.”

Sour Frank said, “I’m against it.”

Rosa persisted in taking my order. “Whole wheat or white?”

“I want to make up my mind on this proposition, Rosa. Why are you for it?”

Sour Frank said, “Because she thinks Gov. Doug Ducey’s harebrained scheme is the best deal she can get for her kids.”

Rosa glared at Frank. “I can speak for myself, Frank. It’s not just my kids. I have a lot of friends who are teachers. They are so demoralized and tired of living paycheck to paycheck. Passing Proposition 123 will mean a pay raise. Not years from now. Not 10 years from now. But, now. My kid’s school is on life support. Half the teachers have left.”

Frank sighed. “I get it, Rosa. The schools are broke. A lot of the teachers I know have said, ‘To hell with Arizona’, gone ‘Django’ and left this miserable plantation. But still, it’s a cockamamie scheme that will raise taxes and will amend our constitution in a way that--”

Rosa doubled down. “If we don’t take this deal it will be years before--”

Frank sighed. “Don’t you get it, Rosa? Privatizing all of public education is what Ducey, and the Koch brothers, are all about. They’ve got Koch-funded think tanks at NAU, ASU and the U of A, a Koch judge on the state Supreme Court, and Ducey wants to add two more seats! That’s what the Koch dark money is all about. Completely privatizing education. We’re just mice in a Koch lab. This ain’t no democracy.”

“My kids are in school now, Frank. Today. They can’t find teachers willing to replace the ones who left. I’m desperate.”

Frank shook his head. “Who made us desperate? This is just a band-aid to stanch the bleeding from the cuts that they inflicted. Their thumb prints are all over the ax handle. And you’re willing to trust them? In 10 years when the state trust land money runs out we’ll be stuck back at square one with an arbitrary spending limit.

“And the lawsuit on behalf of the will of the people will have been dropped.”

Rosa said: “The will of the people? You’re kidding. In this Koch-owned plantation? Get real.”

“What about the will of the people? Doesn’t ‘We, the People’ mean anything to any of you anymore? We voted to increase funding and our state took us to court. I thought the will of the people meant something.”

Romero stopped eating breakfast. “Should I vote ‘no’ and hope against hope that voters will turn these anti-education wing nuts out of office?”

Rosa spoke the truth in a subdued tone. “It ain’t going to happen, Romero. Not in this right-wing wasteland.”

Romero smiled. “Well, in that case, could I have some salsa for my omelet, Rosa?”

“Tough choice,” I told my fellow diners.

Gomez, the Tohono O’odham tribal cop disagreed. “Not for me. It’s an easy choice. I’m voting against it.”

“Why?” I said.

“When I was a boy my grandfather told me an old story about a cavalry officer named George Armstrong Custer. The Sioux called him ‘Long Hair.’ He had been warned not to challenge the Sioux by a Cheyenne named Rock Forehead.”

“You’re making this up.”

“Shush. ‘Long Hair’ was arrogant. He led his men into Little Bighorn in spite of the warning. Every last soldier was killed. It was a massacre. After the battle Sioux and Cheyenne women returned to the killing fields and found Custer’s body. They pierced his ear drums.”

“Why?”

“So he could listen better.”

Sour Frank said, “Perhaps this is the turning point, Gomez. Perhaps we, the people, have had enough. Did I tell you Prop. 123 will change wording of state constitution from ‘We, the People’ to ‘We, the private school lobby?’”

Rosa couldn’t laugh. “Our Legislature won’t listen if the people vote this thing down. They’ll keep stalling in court. They’ll even interpret the “No” vote as a mandate to spend less on education. They listen to a different master. And it’s not we, the people.”

Look at the long haul, reject Proposition 123

As a retired educator with 37 years experience, I urge you to vote “no” on Prop. 123. Our Legislature denied a voter-approved inflation increase, refused a court order to pay schools that money, and now wants to take money from the state land trust, primarily earmarked for education, to fund education. Rob Peter to pay Peter? Ridiculous.

Approving Prop. 123, supported by Gov. (Doug) Ducey and “led by the Paradise Valley-Scottsdale crowd” (Tim Steller, Star) comprising big money, is like applying bandages to a patient when surgery is required. Prop. 123 is even opposed by the League of Women Voters, a respected nonpartisan organization.

Voters, be patient regarding upcoming court decisions and elect pro-education lawmakers. Teachers and their supporters, perhaps peaceful statewide civil disobedience in the future, would help fuel change.

Please consider Arizona’s educational needs over the long haul, and vote “no” on Prop. 123.

Ron Locher

Oro Valley

‘No’ on Prop. 123 won’t chasten lawmakers

Thank you to the Star for making it clear to readers that voting against Prop. 123 doesn’t teach legislators in Phoenix a lesson but only hurts educators in Tucson. We have spent years fighting for higher pay to stop the tide of teachers and staff leaving our classrooms and schools.

Many people forget that Prop. 123 is on the ballot because we fought the state in court for five years for inflation money for our schools. Let’s vote “yes” on Prop 123 for our teachers, staff and students, and then invest more money to bring our state competitive in education funding.

Kat Pivonka

Catalina

Tell Ducey, legislators to support the arts

The anti-arts Arizona House of Representatives and

Senate will be voting on the proposed 2017 budget, a budget put together by our “smaller government” Republican leaders. Unfortunately, this budget does not include any funding for the Arizona Commission on the Arts (ACA), an agency that grants its budgeted money to arts organizations statewide, primarily, nonprofits.

It is crucial that we send a message immediately to Gov. (Doug) Ducey, Speaker of the House David Gowan and Senate President Andy Biggs letting them know how important it is to the public that the state budget include funding for the ACA, money used to support arts organizations all over the state.

Failure to allocate the money will mean that this is the second year in a row that the arts commission will received no money from the Legislature. Corporations get tax breaks; the arts, nothing. ACA simply cannot properly do its job without this important state funding.

Flood the emails: http://azgovernor.gov/governor/form/contact-governor-ducey

Sheldon Metz

Northeast side

State GOP, utilities form anti-solar alliance

Re: the April 28 article “New measure means separate electricity rates for solar users.”

Of all the states in our country, Arizona clearly would benefit most as homeowners adopt solar energy. On the cusp of expansion of solar, reactionary forces in the Legislature are buying into a corrupt scheme to kill solar.

Arizona power companies spent between $3 million and $6 million in the last election to gain control of the Arizona Corporation Commission, which is about to rule on an industry initiative to virtually close off future solar expansion by homeowners.

Now they’ve pulled an end run around the ACC with industry-proposed legislation approved by reactionary state legislators on the Senate Appropriations Committee.

The alliance between the power companies and state Republicans shows just how much money can buy, including plans to submit alternative propositions in the fall to confuse voters about a citizens’ initiative that would preserve our right to adopt solar.

Boyd Bosma

SaddleBrooke

Foreign-policy talk by Trump was a joke

Re: the April 28 article “Trump tones it down; Cruz selects veep.”

An honor student at Tucson’s Basis High School could deliver a more serious, sensible and coherent American foreign-policy speech than Donald Trump just did.

What is frightening is not just that Trump gave it, but that he and his advisers thought it had any relevance to the real world and that it would prove his knowledge of issues.

It is not even that he badly mispronounced Tanzania, a simple word that a “C” student at Basis would get right, but that he showed no sense of what diplomacy is or that complex international questions require more than little slogans and simple declarations.

What is additionally appalling is that Republican leaders, except Mitt Romney, have shown no willingness to say what they must see in Trump’s continued bluster.

You don’t need to be a Republican to ask how Gov. Doug Ducey or Rep. Martha McSally intend to vote at the Republican convention. Silence now is effectively support for a dangerous man then.

Norman Sherman

East side

Billy “Nose Picker” Dominguez, the 9-year old emcee, stood on a crate behind the cardboard podium with “I love mom” written in crayon on the front.

“Ladies and Germs. Welcome to our first annual Mother’s Day Roast of Mom. I’m your host, Billy. Just a little note here. Ticket sale proceeds for this Mother’s Day Roast of Mom will go to taking mom out for a decent breakfast Sunday morning at the Jerry Bob’s of her choice.”

Billy acknowledged the special guests in the audience with them today.

“Sanchez, our Chihuahua, and Gomez, the hamster. Also I want to thank our sponsor, Dad, for all his help with this Mother’s Day Roast. Before we get started, I just want you to know we have some silent auction items for you to bid on. Tell them what we have, Dad.”

“Well, Billy, we’ve got a report card from 1989 autographed by our guest of honor, a vintage box of macaroni and cheese, a Macayo’s sombrero mug, a Kachina that’s missing a head and a baby shower invitation from 1983. All priceless items!”

“Thank you, Dad! Hey, Pop, how is it you and Mom have stayed together all these years?”

“I haven’t been inside the house since 1963. I’m either changing cooler pads on the roof or raking gravel in the driveway. I’m heading for the roof now.”

“All right, Dad! To get things started, I’d like to welcome my big sister, Carmen, up to the podium. When she’s not dating felons, she’s writing her number on porta-potty walls at the Pima County Fair. Please welcome the only woman I know with her own historical marker at the end of Swan, my horrible sister, Carmen.”

“You are such a liar. I hate you. Stay out of my room.

“Mom, for all the times you nursed me, fed me and changed my diapers, I just want to say ‘thank you.’ And for all those nights I kept you up late, wondering where I was and making you sick with worry — I made this beer coaster for you, out of an actual beer coaster.”

Carmen hugged her mom. She was weeping like the Fountains of Bellagio. “Mija! Thank you, sweetheart. It’s wonderful.”

“I got to go now.”

“So soon? Can’t you stay for the rest of the banquet? I made macaroni and cheese burritos.”

“Thank you, sis. Next up is Mom’s mom. All the way from Three Points, it’s Grandma Higgins!”

“Thank you, Billy. I would like to say something about all of my kids. You never know how beautiful and amazing life can be until you have kids. And then it’s too damned late.”

“Who’d you steal that joke from, Grandma? Moses? And now it’s my turn to say a few words on this Mother’s Day about our guest of honor.

“Mom, thanks for nursing us through measles, chicken pox, runny noses, skinned knees and the occasional broken heart. You are so tough and tender, God must have crossed Delilah and Mrs. Doubtfire with Thelma and Louise. And thank you, Mom, for sparing my life on countless occasions that may have involved fire crackers, BB guns, slingshots, graffiti, plumbing issues, pack rats, wardrobe malfunctions, jalapeños, bows and arrows, pop flies, rubber cement, incontinence, ladder-related injuries, rattlers, water balloons, Tiki torches, bobcats, hot sauce or rabid skunks.

“You always taught us right from wrong, and you weren’t afraid to use unconventional methods. And last, but not least, thank you for all the amazing mac and cheese.

“Mom, you get the final word.”

Wiping the tears away with a beach towel, Mom took to the cardboard podium.

“Well, thank you for this. This is so much nicer than breakfast in bed or jewelry or flowers. When you and your sister would make breakfast I thought the cast of ‘Stomp’ was in my kitchen. You’d trigger the smoke alarm, a salmonella outbreak and a warning from the Pima County Health Department. But nothing says love like a barely thawed frozen burrito, cold coffee and a Dixie cup full of desert marigolds from Mr. Wong’s yard. Seriously, this is the best Mother’s Day Roast I have ever had. I can’t wait to see what you come up with tomorrow morning.

“Carmen, wherever you are, and Billy — and Sanchez and Gomez — this was a great roast. Now who’s going to clean up this mess? Who’s ready to help? Hey, where did everybody go? Hey! You know I can hear you on the roof with your father. ”

Sour Frank winked at Rosa as he sipped her coffee. “Hey, Rosa, did you make the taco bowl that Trump was eating for that ridiculous photo-op? The one where he said he loves Hispanics?”

“Very funny, Frank.”

Romero jumped in. “Not as funny as when Trump’s staff canceled the watermelon event he scheduled for next week. When’s he going to do an ‘I love white people’ photo-op at Golden Corral?” Romero gulped down his scrambled eggs. “That dude gives bigots a bad name. America will never elect a sexist racist to the White House.”

Rosa, Carlos, Romero and half the diners in the cafe looked heavenward and crossed themselves silently.

I asked Romero, “Did you see the news? Jan Brewer offered herself to Trump as a possible vice presidential running mate.”

“You’re kidding. Wow. Vice Apprentice of the United States of America.”

I had a theory about her delusion. “Must be the side effect of eating scorpions for breakfast.”

Rosa pointed out the obvious. “I think a woman on the ticket would help Trump. Of course she’d have to be a very special woman.”

I had a suggestion. “Like ... Sarah Palin.”

Romero thought for a moment. “Palin or Brewer. Now that’s a tough call. How could Trump ever decide between a half-term governor and a term- and-a-half governor who’s a half-wit?”

Rosa said, “I see no one is above name calling anymore.”

I asked Lurlene when she thought Rep. Martha McSally was going to endorse her party’s nominee. “She’s going to have to take a stand soon on piggy boy. Is she going with Billie Jean King or the Bobby Riggs of 2016?”

Sour Frank snarled, ”Talk all you want. Women love Trump. His wives are super-models!” We all fell silent. Sour Frank excused himself to use the restroom.

Lurlene ignored Frank’s remarks and took off on Arizona’s senior senator. “Can you believe it? McCain came out in support of Trump! And after Trump said McCain was no war hero — because he got captured!”

I said, “What do you expect from the genius who gave us Sarah Palin?”

Lurlene sniffed. “McCain and Trump. Please. Never put a man whose favorite phrase is ‘You’re fired’ in charge of the nuclear launch codes.”

I said, “I’m just grateful the state legislative session ended with KidsCare intact. I was surprised! This year’s meet-up reminded me of the movie ‘Deliverance’ more than once because I thought I heard dueling banjos during the budget sessions.”

“At least our lawmakers voted to outlaw dog racing. Greyhound Park is going to have to give up the dogs. They should try ostriches or camels.”

“How about small mammals, like ferrets, or weasels, or legislators?”

“Can’t train a legislator to chase rabbits. They only chase dark money.”

Just then Sour Frank returned. “Hey, Rosa, I just checked out your bathrooms. You don’t have a transgender option.”

Lurlene chuckled. “Are you from North Carolina? You all spend way too much time in public restrooms looking over your shoulders. Must be some kind of post-Civil War trauma that left you all so jumpy.”

I declared I couldn’t believe that “the whole country is talking about a stupid law that obsesses about who can and can’t use a certain bathroom. And this from the party that wants less intrusive government.”

Lurlene said there was a bright side to the fuss. “North Carolina’s bathroom law is so stupid we Arizonans got to experience a moment of superiority.”

Rosa pointed out to all of us that moment was short lived. “Would you like more coffee, Lurlene?”

Lurlene thanked Rosa and wondered aloud if there was going to be a special S.W.A.T. unit formed to patrol North Carolina’s bathrooms.

Romero said, “Have you all heard the Caterpillar story?”

Lurlene nodded. “I love the ‘Very Hungry Caterpillar’!”

“Not that one, genius. Didn’t you hear the good news? Caterpillar is coming here — with high paying jobs!”

“Yup. And I heard the Rio Nuevo folks and the mayor and council felt the earth move.”

And with that Rosa slapped my bill on the counter.

Sour Frank is a Trump supporter. Rosa loves taunting Frank. “So let me get this right, your man Trump wants to build a yellow brick road and make who pay for it?”

I set down my coffee cup. “Munchkin Land.”

Sour Frank said, “Laugh all you want. We need a wall to keep the Mexicans out.”

“And to keep Mexican ladder salesman laughing all the way to the bank,” I added.

Romero joined in. “ And your man Trump wants to ban … ?”

Frank knew the answer. “All Muslims. Until we get this ISIS thing figured out. The man is talking common sense.”

Romero sighed. “If you don’t love Donald Trump, it’s because you’re probably one of those arrogant elitists. You know, the ones who made it out of pre-school.”

Frank kept talking. “Country’s crawling with illegals. Yesterday, some Mexican knocked on my door ‘looking to do yardwork.’ I told him I didn’t like his kind coming here from Mexico to rape our women and commit voter fraud. In that order. He looked at me like I was crazy.”

Romero faked shock.

Frank went on. “America matters to me. That’s why I have 700 semi-automatic weapons in my basement just in case the race war comes.

“I’d love to talk more about the great man, but I’m late for Bible study. Tonight we’re praying for that poor, crazy man who shot those people at Planned Parenthood. Thank goodness Trump is as pro-life as he is pro-American.”

Romero choked and spat out his coffee on Frank’s astonished face and yellow “Don’t Tread on Me” shirt.

Professor Cabeza helped Frank wipe off his shirt.

Cabeza had retired from the University of Arizona in the eighties, back when it was an academic institution.

“Frank, Trump’s science guy is a global warming denier. This is far more significant than whatever idiotic sexist or racist comment your man tweeted yesterday. If we choose — as the ice is melting and our oceans are dying — a rapacious capitalist who thinks climate change is just leftist nonsense, and who is so irrational he is willing to start trade wars in a global shaky economy, then we are fools, but worse, such poor stewards of creation that we merit our own extermination.”

Sour Frank squinted at the professor. “Cabeza, you’re an egghead living in la la land. My man Trump will make America great again.”

“It’s always been great, Frank. Trump’s ascendancy threatens our greatness by encouraging our darkest demons — and the ratings-driven media nourishes it! If your man Trump ignores science, he is threatening the well-being of our children.”

Sour Frank groaned. “Climate change is BS.”

Cabeza took his pocket-sized Constitution out of his coat jacket and waved it at us.

“In the name of the American Revolution, our republic cannot be allowed to fall into such coarse hands.”

“Tiny hands,” Rosa added.

“Our revolutionaries did not fall at Concord and Lexington, gather in Philadelphia, and sanctify Yorktown with British blood so that a crude and petty tyrant might rule over us like a mad monarch.”

I stood, applauded and punched at the air. “I got to agree with the professor here, Frank.”

Frank was unmoved. “I like Trump because he isn’t a politician.”

Romero muttered, “Yeah. He’s a salesman. A ‘say anything’ flimflam artist who wrenches money out of the wallets of rubes with his silver tongue. A door-to-door land shark.

“The Rust-belt Reagan Democrats will love the guy. The boomer who never saw a boom because his job got shipped overseas and who never adapted to globalization is looking for anyone other than himself to blame for his failure to adapt to change. Along comes Trump blaming Mexicans, Muslims and China for everything, and these guys buy it because between New York City and San Francisco there ain’t nothing but a whole lot of Alabama just waiting to goose step behind a strong man.”

Rosa asked Romero, “What’s in your coffee?”

On my way out, I patted Frank on the back.

“We all have an inner goose stepper lurking deep within us, just waiting to be lured out into the torchlight by a voice calling us to madness, Frank. Tread carefully.”

Satire alert

I just spent the last few days trying to talk to Pima County Supervisor Ally Miller about a certain allegation, an allegation that a young aide in her office had created a phony news site, The Arizona Daily Herald. This gumshoe had heard that the very same kid had created a fake identity. And that he was telling sources he was a “reporter” named “Jim Falken.”

Of course, the chief suspect, Doogie Howser, or Woodward N. Bernstein, or whatever his name was, denied everything. Miller backed him up, but she was elusive. She prefers to yap to right-wing radio talk show tea-party types. How was I going to break into her bubble? And what was the truth?

This mystery was right up my alley, so I went straight to Supervisor Miller’s office. The voice on the other side of the locked door asked for a password.

I thought for a second. Then I whispered, “Chuckleberry.” Lucky guess.

The door cracked open. “Let me in, Miller. I got a few questions for you.” The door slammed shut. A woman’s voice said, “Drop dead, liberal scum.”

I was so desperate to question Miller I got suction cups for my hands and feet and inched my way up the side of the county building like Spider-Man.

I found her office window, rapped on the glass, cast my peepers at what appeared to be a common rude gesture and promptly lost my grip, falling seven stories.

The ER nurse suggested I try again, only this time “use a ruse to get in to see her.” It was sound advice.

“A Mr. Donald Trump is here to see you, Supervisor Miller. He’s a huge fan. Huge.”

She came running out, her tea-bag earrings wagging like wind chimes. “Oh, poop. You’re just a lousy gumshoe! What do you want?” She threw her hands behind her back. She was hiding something.

“I was hoping to talk to you about the allegation that an aide in your office created a fake news site and was pretending to be a journalist, going by the name ‘Jim Falken.’ As soon as certain reporters began poking around the fake news site it disappeared faster than a snowball in Sabino Canyon. What gives, Miller? You behind this kerfuffle? And what do you have there, behind your back?”

“Reporters from a fair and balanced newspaper.”

She held out her hands up high, at eye level, in front of me.

I thought I’d seen everything. “You have puppets.”

One was holding a toy microphone and the other one had a tiny pencil and a tiny notepad.

Miller denied it. “I don’t see any puppets. All I see are two journalists just trying to do their jobs.”

“They’re puppets.”

Miller wagged her right hand, gritted her teeth and attempted to throw her voice. “Hi, my name is Clark.”

I talked to the puppet on her right hand. “Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Your last name is Kent.”

“How did you know?”

“Never mind. Who’s the dame?” I pointed to her left hand.

“Hi, her name is Brenda. I mean, ‘Hi, my name is Brenda.’”

“Don’t tell me. Let me guess.Your last name is Starr.”

“How did you know? You’re amazing. Yes. Yes! My name is Brenda Starr! It’s so nice to meet you.”

I refused to shake hands with the puppet. I dipped my fedora. “Brenda and I are both reporters from The Trumpeteer.”

“I’m asking the questions here, Shari Lewis. So you can shut Lamb Chop’s yapper. What happened to The Arizona Daily Herald?”

Both puppets shook their heads. And then Miller gritted her teeth and Brenda Starr spoke again. “Gee, mister. We work for the Daily Bugle. And we are in no way connected to Southern Arizona’s Tea Bag of Sugar and Spice — and Spunk — the Amazing Ally Miller.’”

“I thought you both worked for The Trumpeteer?”

Miller said none of them had ever heard of The Trumpeteer. Or the Herald. Or Mr. Falken. She held Clark Kent up to my face.

“Listen, Mister Gumshoe, none of us have anything to do with Supervisor Miller’s office. But I did write a swell profile on her yesterday about how totally awesome she is and how her road plan is super-awesome and how she is surrounded by complete and total idiots on the board. Just ask her.”

“No thanks, Kermit. I got no more questions.”

A thousand stories ago I was sitting in the doctor’s office mulling over my cancer diagnosis. Today the cancer is gone but a stark memory remains of the grim veil of mortality that briefly shrouded my life.

Left alone in the exam room I thought of my place in the ebb and flow of the billions of lives on this beautiful planet. Over the figurative hill in the arc of my life story, I wondered how many chapters were left to write.

Every minute 240 earthlings arrive and begin their story. And this spring, in Phoenix, another grandchild was written into existence in my daughter’s womb. I told my happy pregnant daughter, Sarah, and her happy husband, Joe, we’d be happy to take beautiful Emma, their 5-year old, off their hands for an entire week. Emma’s text, written on her mom’s phone, expressed her excitement about coming to spend a week with us: “dhjdXXffff77^@(@)@)J!!!!!”

She’s going to be a writer. I can sense it in my bones.The presence of a sprite would be restorative. I would have to become 5 years old in order to keep up with her. Stories from that period of my life seem curiously easier to recover these days.

They live in Phoenix so we met up in at the Krispy Kreme in Casa Grande for the handoff. Emma and I ran to each other and collided like asteroids.

“Emma! What do you think of the baby that’s coming?” She grinned. Her mother’s belly had grown. I touched my daughter’s tummy with reverence. Every 60 seconds 106 souls exit existence. Here come the reinforcements.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, and time, my 89-year-old father-in-law, the Professor, was bedridden, recovering from a fall and irritated by his poor memory. He sleeps a lot these days. When he’s awake we press him for stories, tapping “record” on our smartphone videocameras; converting the tales from his temporal life into immortal pixels.

To everything there is a season and this was the season of eulogies for friends. We mourners read their stories aloud, because that was where they spoke to us from beyond the veil, forever hushed in this world by the churn of time.

The kind veterinarian said fading Cleo, one of our cats, may not last long. Probably cancer. She naps in the sunshine and dreams of joyfully torturing lizards and mice. Her dream stories came to life in her flexing claws and paws.

Thankfully, vibrant life beckoned. “Emma! We’re going to paint, swim, play in Grandpa’s garden, go to the splash park, to the movies, to the Desert Museum and to Old Tucson where they have a train, and a carousel, and gunfights.”

“Do they shoot people in the audience, Grandpa?”

“That would be bad for business.”

One evening Emma and I walked up to the school playground with her 14-year old uncle, Matthew. Dusk had fallen and together we invented stories about the stars and the cholla that look like teddy bears and the rattlesnakes that lure babies to their doom with their rattles. And the desert fairies who ride on the backs of jackrabbits. “They can live forever, Grandpa.”

“Oh, really, Em? Good stories, kid.” I didn’t tell her magical beings live only as long as their stories are told.

Under the stars we slid on the slides and ran through the sprinklers and climbed on the monkey bars. For five glorious days Emma and I practiced burping, made messes, dug holes in the garden, and had amazing Nerf gunfights. Would our week together become a story she would someday tell her grandchildren?

The next day I returned Emma to her mom and dad at the doughnut shop and the stories poured out of our heads. Sarah and Joe’s human, number 7,125,543,876, copyright pending, was gestating just fine, story due to be published and launched in October.

I hugged my beloved Emma goodbye. And then I kissed her dear forehead, the vault where all her fantastic stories and a sliver of my immortality lay.

The next afternoon I spent a lovely visit with the Professor, talking about the stories in Sunday’s Times, listening to his reminiscences and comparing grandchildren. Tired, he diplomatically excused himself for a golden nap. I bid him ”Good day” and without thinking, I reflexively leaned down and kissed his forehead. He sweetly smiled and said, “Good day, sir.”

In the days hence Cleo the cat has grown quiet, while the new chicks in the mourning dove’s nest on the porch are chattering, itching to fly. And down on the border I heard agents had seized “The Day.” A shipment of carpe diem had been confiscated. I think I shall do the same. Every day. And that’s my story.

“Is this David?” It was Aunt Monica calling from Wisconsin.

“Hey, Aunt Monica. What’s up? Did something happen? Is Uncle Joe okay?”

“We’re all fine. I just wanted to hear your voice.” She was lying. Every winter I call to brag about how beautiful our weather is here in Tucson. It was her turn. “So how’s the weather today, Mr. Sunshine?”

“It’s a little warm.”

“It’s 73 degrees here.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Yup. Just another gorgeous Wisconsin day. We’re all outside, sitting on the porch enjoying our iced teas and the breeze off the lake. Couldn’t be nicer. I heard you’ve had a couple of scorchers. NPR said it was 112 degrees.”

“It was 110.”

“Al Roker said 112 degrees.”

“Well, Aunt Monica, we just sacrificed a gila monster and we read its entrails and they say it’s 110.”

“You poor things.”

“We’re fine. We love the heat.”

Aunt Monica told me I must be suffering from heatstroke.

“I’m serious. I love the summer heat. It’s awesome.”

She questioned my sanity. I told her how I like to feel the warm sunshine on my face and shoulders. It’s like a hot massage.

“Really?”

“Really!” I told her how I like to drive with the windows down because I like the feel of a blowtorch burning the flesh off my skull.

Long silence.

“Driving is a real pleasure in the middle of summer. It’s like rolling down the road strapped into a broiler oven. I love it! You sweat so much the front seat becomes a Slip’N Slide.”

Aunt Monica said my maniacal laughter was “disturbing.”

“I love the summer heat! I love the way the cicadas’ incessant buzzing burrows into your ears with a sound like a belt grinder in Hell’s machine shop. The ‘A’ on ‘A’ Mountain has melted into a ‘w.’ The Catalinas have been bleached gray, every saguaro is holding a parasol and I’m growing horns.”

Aunt Monica was concerned that I’d been spending too much time outdoors. “You should see a doctor.”

“Ha, ha, ha. I’m fine, Monica. Did I tell you I made a chaise lounge out of solar oven reflectors? I like to lay in it until I hear bacon sizzling. After my last sunburn I peeled off an entire husk of myself. It’s hanging in my closet next to the other skin peels. I’m telling you this place is paradise when the temperatures are rising! Come see for yourself!”

She declined.

“Your loss! This time of year is the best time to be here! Every time the sun sets the horizon catches on fire. It’s spectacular! Last weekend Gates Pass was totally incinerated and little Mattie’s head spontaneously combusted when it was nipped by an errant solar flare.”

Aunt Monica asked me if I was taking my meds.

“Nope. Just daily walks. Mid-day. I love the heat! Sucks the life out of every living creature. It’s cleansing. Purifying. Some people pay corporate trainers thousands of dollars to master the art of walking on coals. Here you can master the same skills fetching the daily mail in your bare feet. As soon as my hooves heal I’ll be ready to audition for Riverdance.”

“Hooves?”

“Yeah. By mid-June we all grow horns and hooves. Hey, did I tell you that summer is our autumn?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Our sunburns are red, the dead leaves are brown, and the shriveled prickly pear have all turned gold.”

At this point she mentioned the cold watermelon they were enjoying. Along with that cool breeze off the lake. Again.

“Sorry. Can’t compare with Tucson cuisine in the summer. Nothing tastes better in the summertime than a piping hot pizza freshly baked on a manhole cover, served with a side of broiled scorpions and a mug of lava. Did you know that salsa makes sunscreen taste better?”

Aunt Monica thought I needed a vacation.

“And leave this? There’s no better time of year for burning mesquite chips in my fire pit and stirring the embers with my pitchfork like a demon cast down into Hell, stoking and sifting the brimstone and lava. I like the summer heat so much that last week I did a sweat lodge in a parka and ski pants. In an empty parking lot on Speedway. At one in the afternoon. The EMTs ruined everything.”

She said she was going to fly here in the morning. “I’m going to see to it that you get the help you need.”

It’s too bad she hung up. I was going to tell her how I paid Virgin Galactic to fly me to the sun so I could rub my face in its flaming surface and give it a big kiss. And yes, Aunt Monica, I was smart enough to pack Chapstick.

Summer in Tucson. It’s the best.

Last night I dreamt of interviewing Arizona Sen. John McCain. Here is our conversation:

When you were a prisoner of war in Vietnam your self-respect mattered more than anything to you.

Even survival. I couldn’t live without honor.

This election season you endorsed a sexist, racist conspiracy-peddling serial liar for the presidency of the United States. Why?

Today my survival matters more to me than anything.

Even your self-respect?

Do you want a “Make America Great Again” cap? Holds my comb-over down.

And sense of honor?

Did you know Latinos love him? Try a taco bowl.

Trump said you were no hero, because you were captured.

Donald says things he doesn’t mean. He’s such a kidder! Hey watch this. I can bend my spine like a shopping mall pretzel. Pretty good for 80, don’t you think?

It’s hard to believe you were once known as a “maverick.”

Me? A maverick? Heh, heh. I was a lot of things.

That jarred me awake.

In spite of the astonishing fact the surgeon general’s report found that reading tweets from Donald Trump can cause impaired judgment, dizziness, nausea and vomiting, Arizona’s senior senator has decided to be Trump’s McChristie out McWest.

McCain is so desperate to placate Arizona’s racist birther base he recently blamed the rise of ISIS on Obama, overlooking a minor detail called George W. Bush and the invasion of Iraq. Speaking of strategic destabilizing blunders of a historic nature, Bush owns ISIS as much as McCain owns that prime-time fool, Sarah Palin, the disloyal ditz who cartwheeled in snowshoes for Trump after he sneered that her former running mate was anything but a war hero.

Trump recently said the U.S. should “think about racial profiling.” Right. His base has been “thinking about” racial profiling since the end of the Civil War. The same rabid base that spurned McCain’s leadership on immigration reform with such vigor Chicken Little dropped that lead balloon and morphed into John “Build the damn wall” McCain.

McCain once filled Barry Goldwater’s substantial shoes. Today he’s lost in them, like a flea in the Grand Canyon, joining the pompous posse of Arizona’s most pathetic Petticoat Junction extras backing Trump: Jan “Brain Freeze” Brewer and Uncle Joe “Jail-Bound” Arpaio.

Anytime Trump leaks trickle-down racism or dribbles lunatic theories, McCain will be shuffling next to him with a mop and smile because Trump accomplished what the Viet Cong could not do: Donald Trump broke McCain.

It’s a sad end for an old man.

I love the Fourth of July. I love the Fourth because that’s when Uncle Sam comes down our chimneys, gives all the good patriotic children fireworks and a pocket-size copy of the Declaration of Independence, wishes us all a “Merry Fourth of July,” and flies away on the back of a giant American bald eagle humming “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

I love the Fourth because that’s when all of Tucson gathers at the base of “A” Mountain, like Druids around Stonehenge, secretly hoping it catches on fire when the god of fireworks starts gargling fire in the sky. God bless America, the Tucson Fire Department and hot shot firefighters everywhere.

I love the Fourth because I like to put out the flag to astonish my neighbors who find it inconceivable that a liberal could be a patriot.

Neighbor: You have a flag? I was expecting a hammer and sickle.

Me: Nope. I’m a patriot.

Neighbor: Your flag is upside down, dude.

Me: Thanks, Walter. My bad.

I love the Fourth because that’s when America whistles “Yankee Doodle,” rustles up a picnic, pledges allegiance to hot dogs and apple pie, and gets in touch with its inner Lake Wobegon.

Sadly, this Fourth will be different in one regard. The good Americans of Lake Wobegon will vanish from the map like Atlantis this weekend when Garrison Keillor retires from “A Prairie Home Companion.”

The governor of Minnesota, Mark Dayton, announced that no state of emergency will be declared. Homeland Security announced that there will be no investigation into the disappearance of Lake Wobegon. Life will go on.

Allow me to channel our friends in Lake Wogebon for a moment.

It’s been a quiet week of gloom for the 800 residents of Lake Wobegon, where folks like Clint and Clara Bunsen, Wally and Pastor Liz prepared for the end. Bertha’s Kitty Boutique and the Sidetrack Tap were boarded up, and the grill at the Chatterbox Cafe turned off.

For one last time, the Sons of Pitches men’s chorus sang “The Star-Spangled Banner” before the Lake Wobegon Whippets lost to St. Olaf, but that was to be expected.

Hundreds of imaginary Lutherans have gathered in the town’s center, by the statue of the Unknown Norwegian, to light candles, sing hymns and dine on powdermilk biscuits served by the Sons of Knute as they await their 4th of July farewell.

Father Wilmer, of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility, summed it up. “Lake Wobegon, founded by Unitarian missionaries, settled by German immigrants, and proud of its Norwegian bachelor farmers, will always be our hometown, a town where all the women will be forever strong, all the men good looking, and all the children above average. Now who wants lutefisk?”

I love the Fourth.

When 96-year old Mr. Tanaka shuffled into the Pita Hut, a neighborhood cafe, it was for Turkish coffee and the company of the cafe’s owner, his equally ancient friend, Ibrahim. The other regulars always got up to help the unsteady Mr.Tanaka negotiate the door with his walker, which seemed to be always entangled with the red leash of old Yoko, a yipping, skittering tiny white dog that resembled a wind up mechanical toy.

On this day, Ibrahim brought stuffed grape leaves and tabbouleh to his friend and joined him in his booth. Old Ibrahim had bushy white hair and a thick white mustache that made him look like a Lebanese Mark Twain. On the small TV, by the cash register, their new president was speaking. If you dared to challenge the constitutionality of the president’s ban on Muslims you were “a traitor” and “no better than the terrorists themselves.”

Mr. Tanaka scowled. “Ibrahim, I am sorry about this. How is your family?”

Ibrahim shook his head. “We’ll cope.”

Around the world American citizens, like Ibrahim’s eldest son, a pediatrician, were stopped from boarding flights home. “Muslims are not allowed back into the United States. See the American embassy.”

Ibrahim’s daughter, a kind and soft-spoken software engineer, texted her father. “Silicon Valley’s brain drain will be bad. :( ”

Ibrahim’s sister, a nurse, and a proud naturalized American, lived in fear she’d lose her teenage son to radicalization, and oblivion, in far away Syria.

Ibrahim’s brother, a 20-year veteran of the police department, and a decorated reservist, felt betrayed by his country. He kept it to himself and did his job.

Ibrahim’s brilliant nephew, Mohammed, dreamed of leaving Beirut to study microbiology here. “America is Number One!” Like thousands of other Muslim students he was asked to go elsewhere.

Ibrahim shook his head in despair.

The next day, on the little television, Ibrahim and Mr. Tanaka watched Turkey, Kuwait and Qatar struggle to quell riots outside of our American bases. Billions of dollars in tourism revenues dried up. Pakistan, Jordan and Indonesia pulled their ambassadors. Tehran announced it would toss our treaty and begin developing an atomic arsenal. And unleash Hezbollah.

The next mass shooting followed a familiar pattern. A disturbed loser, who had never read the Quran, bought a semi-auto and texted, “For ISIS.”

Ibrahim cringed through the nightly news. Every time there was a mass shooting Ibrahim prayed, “Please, don’t let the killer be a Muslim.”

Encouraged by their new president’s careless remarks, thugs bullied their Muslim neighbors. Bomb threats and broken windows became commonplace. Cafes like Ibrahim’s were closing.

In 1915 the café was built by a happy German immigrant named Hans Hartz. When the "War to end all wars" commenced, Mr. Hartz, a newcomer blessed with the inability to lose his thick native accent, became the object of town gossip suggesting he was a murderous "Hun", a sinister agent "of the Kaiser". After the graffiti and the vandalism he sold the cafe.

A century later, Mr. Tanaka still came to Ibrahim's cafe every day. Even as the customers stopped coming.

American mosques were burned. Innocent Muslim women wearing the hijab were assaulted. Restaurants refused service to innocent American families who were Muslin. In one city, an innocent Muslim and American boy was beaten to death. Mistaken for Muslims, a family of innocent Sikhs were murdered in broad daylight. Innocence meant nothing.

Still another mass shooting. With a claim of “ISIS” allegiance. The president recklessly suggested mass deportations and walled ghettos could be the answer. “I like walls.”

Even if you had been a good citizen like old Ibrahim, even if you had voted, paid your bills, prayed five times a day, been a Boy Scout, served on charity boards, volunteered at your kids’ schools, and served in wartime you were eyed with suspicion by the ignorant who were lusting for vengeance.

Muhammad Ali’s memorial was defaced with slurs. Americans, calling for deportation, ghettos and extermination, paraded down our Main Streets with banners, torches and nooses.

Christian pastors chastised their parishioners, reminding them when the other children of Abraham were singled out for mass exclusion. Pews emptied. Pastors were replaced as fast as broken stained glass windows.

At the same moment Rabbi Rosenbaum showed his congregation the yellow star his grandfather was ordered to wear, Ibrahim was washing dishes and wondering when he would be ordered to wear the crescent moon.

United by a collective rage, every Hezbollah, Hamas, ISIS and al-Qaida sociopath had turned their bloodlust westward, to an enemy that had declared their religion foul.

“At last,” lamented Ibrahim to Mr. Tanaka, “America brought the entire Middle East together.”

More lone wolf attacks yielded a harvest of more blind rage. Ibrahim was threatened; his windows smashed.

Mr. Tanaka’s hands shook as he spoke into his coffee cup. “Ibrahim, you are such a good man. In our country any jackass can lob a brick or buy a gun.”

“I’m closing the cafe, Mr. Tanaka.”

Mr. Tanaka tearfully looked at the small American flag he had duct taped to his walker. The old man could barely speak. “Ibrahim, I remember turning 15. That was the year we were rounded up and herded into camps. If you had Japanese blood you were …not to be trusted. My father lost everything. The farm. Our house. My poor mother lost her mind.”

Mr. Tanaka patted his friend’s old wrinkled hand. “God be with you, Ibrahim.”

“And may Allah bless, and keep you, Mr. Tanaka.”

For those if you who will be watching the 2016 Republican Convention, here is an exclusive look at the schedule of events in Cleveland:

MONDAY: RNC Chair

Reince Priebus gavels convention open

Call to delegates, Vince McMahon, “Let’s get ready to rumble!”

“Pro-Trump”, “Dump Trump” delegates rumble

Priebus ducks, tear gas is sprayed, arena’s sprinkler system goes off

Chris Christie crushes 9 delegates, 7 hospitalized, 3 with traffic cone injuries

Call for order ignored

Trump calls on delegates to stop beating each other, “Beat black protesters outside arena, instead.”

Recess, delegates sent outside

“Latinos Love Trump!” luncheon, meal courtesy of “Taco Bowl”

Moment of silence for “Little Marco Rubio”

Immigration Committee Report, “Clean our toilets, not our clocks”

“Benghazi Night” re-enactment of attack by Ladies of the Eagle Forum

Remarks: Andrew Dice Clay, “Hillary’s Looks”

TUESDAY: Trump’s name placed into nomination

Invocation by Jerry Springer

Posting of the colors, throwing of the chairs

Honey Boo Boo recites Pledge of Allegiance

Trump asks delegates to beat anti-Trump protesters inside arena

Remarks: Dennis Rodman, “Trump steaks rock”

Remarks: Hulk Hogan, “Trump University rules”

Recess, shop for autographed copies of Donald Trump’s “Art of the Deal” in vendor area

Note: Sen.Mitch McConnell, Sen. John McCain and Mitt Romney cannot be present because of prior engagement judging jackrabbit skinning contest in Twin Buttes, Wyoming

“Women Love Trump!” luncheon

Toddlers in Tiaras re-enact highlights from Trump beauty pageants through the years

“For the ladies” event: Sen.Ted Cruz demonstrates how to cook bacon on the hot muzzle of a fired AK-47. BYOG (Bring Your Own Gun)

Remarks: Gov. Jan Brewer, “Hey, Donny, I could still be your vice president, dang it” and tanning booth etiquette

Abortion platform committee affirms plank: Conception begins at foreplay

Sarah Palin shoots a moose

Nominating speech by Vladimir Putin, “The man’s a genius”

Trump University Glee Club sings “Trump U!”

Video, Special Olympics tribute, “Just kidding around!” Trump mocks disabled winners

Roll call for nomination of Donald Trump to be president of the United States

Ted Nugent shoots a duck

WEDNESDAY: Vice Presidential nominee speaks

Speaker Paul Ryan calls convention to order

Delegates beat one another with placards, heckle Ryan

Sylvester Stallone recites Pledge of Allegiance to Donald Trump

Remarks: Newt Gingrich, “What are Republican family values? I slept with Donald’s 8th wife, he’s the father of my 4th wife, and I’m fooling around with his 2nd.”

Second Amendment platform committee affirms porn more dangerous than semi-automatic weapons, calls for in-depth study of porn.

Video, “He knew how to kill terrorists” tribute to Saddam Hussein, written, produced by Trump

Vice presidential nominee Mike Pence speaks

Tea party potluck, Kool-Aid provided

THURSDAY: Trump

addresses convention

Cast of Duck Dynasty performs national anthem with duck calls

Moment of silence for John McCain’s soul

Remarks: Ivanka Trump, “My dad is so cool. He wants to date me.”

Remarks: Donald Jr., “Why not a monarchy? Now, more than ever”

Republican Presidential nominee Donald J.Trump speaks, “We’re going to win so much you’re going to be sick of winning. Really sick. You’re going to be vomiting constantly.”

Elvis impersonators hand out keepsake dog whistles, racial innuendo decoder rings

Porky Pig hologram adjourns convention

‘A 28,000-home development in Benson could add up to 70,000 more people to the town’s current population of around 5,000, all of them dependent on the pumping of groundwater.”

—Tim Steller, Arizona Daily Star

“Benson council gives unanimous OK for Vigneto”

–Star headline, July 20

“One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.”

— Edward Abbey, author and environmentalist

Now the fine folks in Benson, the Gila Bend of Cochise County, mean well. When you’re a small town on the ropes and a slick fellow like developer Mike Reinbold comes in, promising Benson will boom when his 28,000-home Vigneto master plan is built, well, heck, your ears perk up.

It’s perfectly enchanting to believe him when he says, “Tucson will become a suburb of Benson!” And it’s perfectly reasonable to believe in movie fantasies like “Field of Dreams” and say “Yup” to building a ready-made ghost town of homesteads out among the creosote and ghost towns.

“If you build it they will come.”

Why, all this fuss about water is just nonsense put out there by environmentalist do-gooders who hate progress and apple pie. If you just believe — there’ll be jobs and thousands of newcomers and Benson will boom! And that silly old river will be just fine.

And once professor Harold Hll’s musical instruments arrive, you’ll have a genuine marching band and River City’s kids won’t be hankering to get the hell out of Dodge.

Gila Monster spit. You may as well believe javelina can fly. An enraged Ed Abbey must have spun like a July dust devil in his grave over this reckless threat to the magnificent San Pedro River.

And then, this week, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers suspended its permit to proceed, putting the project on hold, believing the impact on the nearby critters and creek merit further research.

It’s just a temporary reprieve.

How much money did Reinbold say would fall from the sky? Twenty billion dollars? How many city slickers did they say were itching to move to Benson — 70,000? Really? Scan the horizon with your binoculars, ladies and gentlemen. See those billowing clouds of dust on the horizon? Hear that rumble? That’s the throng of newcomers thundering Benson’s way like a stampeding buffalo herd.

Sold! To hell with the San Pedro River. After the ribbon-cutting, let’s rename it the San Pedro Sandtrap. The next question is when will Kartchner Caverns go dry and how long before it can go condo?

It’s a lovely coincidence that our buzzards in the Legislature cut the state water department’s budget so it doesn’t have the resources to create a final computer model of the area’s hydrology, just in case any cowboy was wondering what the impact of Chernobyl Estates would be. Who needs that? Certainly not a fine developer itchin’ to wring gold out of the sand by sticking 28,000 straws in the ground next to the fragile San Pedro.

House Speaker David Gowan and Rep. David Stevens greased this grab with such skill these fine pimps of paradise deserve to be fed to bobcats. That may be a bit extreme. At the very least, I suggest these fine Christian soldiers look up the word “stewardship” in their Bibles. That is, if these fine servants of special interests aren’t too busy backslapping each other.

It doesn’t matter to the hucksters that the beautiful San Pedro River is a rare thing, a band of precious fresh water snaking through Southern Arizona, shaded by shimmering cottonwoods and full of life. In this age of climate change, these misguided Arizonans are showing the way off the cliff. May as well plunder what you can while you can. The desert is the future of the world.

The good people of Benson, and much of Arizona, are happy to dismiss the lesson of the saguaro, a role model for how to thrive on the forsaken land beneath our air-conditioned feet. If you want to endure for centuries, take only what you need. If you want to outlast the Hohokam, conserve. If you want to be around longer than the Anasazi, grow with wisdom and patience.

I’m sure the city fathers and mothers of Benson are defiantly proud of their vote in favor of their extravagant groundwater gamble, confident this ruckus caused by the feds over some river will dry up and blow away like a Tombstone tumbleweed.

And surely they’re a little perplexed by the westerners who feel differently. Geronimo once said, “I should have never surrendered.” Neither should those who love the San Pedro River.

Years ago I bought my first shade sail to protect the old faded junker that we park out front from the sun. The mesquite trees just weren’t providing enough shade. I spent hours suspending the sail in just the right space over the driveway. Tethered like a giant Dorito between the trees and the house it worked beautifully. Thus began my addiction.

The following season I noticed the space outside my studio door could use some shade. This time I bought a rectangle, suspended it in the sky, and lo, there was shade. And it was good. Today wildflowers flourish beneath it.

During a severe monsoon the heavy awning that protected my kid’s bedroom windows fell off the front wall and broke into pieces.

I could not have been happier. I did what any shade sailor would do. I tethered an XL “California Beige Genuine Hemp” shade sail over their windows.

The boys were grateful. “It’s stupid. We look like we live on Tatooine.” “Where’d you get it? Ringling have a tent sale?”

By next year I want our house to look like a ranch-style version of that office building in Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life” feature about the Crimson Permanent Assurance Company; the one that sprouts sails and pillages the financial district.

When the winds come I enjoy the kiting effect. Last summer a microburst filled the sails, lifted our house off the ground completely and parasailed it onto a street five blocks over. I felt like the old man from Pixar’s “Up.” It was awesome. After we crash-landed I looked outside our front door to see we had flattened a jackrabbit, two chuckwallas and a “bad” witch. Later that day we met some Munchkins who helped us move our house back to where it belonged.

We named our sails. Doesn’t everybody? We’ve got “Isosceles,” “Archimedes,” “Trapeze Net,” “Tortilla Chip,” “Equilateral Larry,” “Trampoline,” “Euclid,” “Prairie Wind,” “Flying Carpet,” “Mainsail,” “Jib,” “Note Pad” and “Business Card.” And that’s just the front of the house. On Google Earth our house resembles a dollhouse covered in post-it-notes.

Our neighbor, Flo Jenkins, once said, “Your house looks like some kind of pirate ship run aground on a desert island with all them sails of yours.” Flo was right.

I am proud to say we’ve got more sails on our little acre than the HMS Bounty, the USS Constitution and the Santa Maria, Niña and Pinta combined. I’ve begun to think we need rigging, a crow’s nest and a ship’s wheel to complete the look.

I’m leaning toward a nautical feel because I’m concerned my patchwork of shade sails gives our desert refuge too much of a Mad Max quality. That and the rain cisterns and the monster trucks parked out front with mounted flamethrowers and hood ornaments made from skulls with mohawks. At night when hot winds blow from the south, and the shade sails are billowing, I howl commands from atop our air conditioner to an invisible crew of post-Apocalyptic pirates. Summer can bake your sanity to a crisp.

Recently, one of our ancient olive trees lost half its branches to a microburst, exposing the thriving garden below to harsh sunlight. I didn’t want the flora that attracts the hummingbirds to perish! I love watching the nasty little pterodactyls spar with each other like angry mean girls.

So I plugged that glaring hole in the sky with an XXL “Kokopelli Khaki” shade sail. As the flowers were singing hallelujah, a stranger knocked on my door. He had a documentary film crew with him.

With a thick accent he said: “Ever zince I heard about your house I haff wanted to meet you. I am Christo, ze artist! I am from Bulgaria! I wrapped ze entire Eiffel Tower in Saran Wrap and I covered ze Pyramids with ze aluminum foil — but those pieces cannot compare with your magnificent shade sail house. It is outsider art, no?”

“It’s definitely outside, but I’m not so sure it’s art.”

He winked at me and gestured at his crew to keep filming. “I ’ope one day to drape all of Tucson under ze shade sails. You are a genius!”

He said I was a shade sail savant. I told him I’d love to talk some more, but a wind was coming up. It was time to raise the mainsail and batten down the hatches.

I’m taking the day off to watch clouds with my pals at the Arroyo Cafe. Taking my place today is Tucson’s great local TV meteorologist Phil Arroyo, who will answer all your questions about our rainy season. Phil graduated from Tortolita Junior College with an associate degree in cloud studies, with a minor in map pointing. Earlier this week Phil invited folks to float him their monsoon questions in waterproof bottles.

Dear Phil:

Is this Atlantis? When it rains the streets turn into rivers! Last week I was passed on Columbus Boulevard by an ark. What can I do besides drive in snorkel gear?

Lloyd

Dear Lloyd:

Try alternative travel during our rainy season. There are a number of river rafting companies serving the Tucson area that are more than happy to get you across town, with stops for hikes and gourmet meals along the way. Last August I took a three-day crosstown rafting trip from Houghton to Greasewood. It was a great summer getaway, aside from our harrowing encounters with an octopus driving a Dodge Dart and a pothole full of piranhas.

Dear Phil:

Is it monsoon or monsoons?

Petey

Dear Petey:

I avoid the great debate entirely by calling it a chubasco. You may be interested to know my favorite condiment, chubasco sauce, is made from rain water collected by tamale farmers along the Chimichanga River.

Dear Phil:

When should I replace my windshield wipers?

Ray

Dear Ray:

If you’re a Tucsonan the answer is simple: Always wait until a downpour. I always let mine dry out until they look like Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. Make sure when you arrive at your neighborhood auto supply store you have reading materials to pass the day while you wait in line behind the other 3,756,456 Tucsonans who used their windshield wipers the last time Noah set sail.

Dear Phil:

When does monsoon season start?

Ravi

Dear Ravi:

The exact hour and minute you wash your car.

The National Weather Service tells me our rainy season runs from June 15 to Sept. 30, with two shows daily, ending with a 10-city tour. Get your tickets early. You’ll want a good seat for the light shows. They’re electrifying. For fun, try watching the spectacle in metal lawn chairs in an open field.

Dear Phil:

What are those bugs called?

Ellen

Dear Ellen:

Bugs.

Dear Phil:

They say that the monsoons bring heavy rains. How heavy is the rain?

Melissa

Dear Melissa:

Some raindrops are heavier than others, a phenomenon due to poor lifestyle choices.

Dear Phil:

What causes thunder?

Zeke

Dear Zeke:

Some say thunder is caused by angels bowling. That’s ridiculous. Thunder is caused by sky pixies playing around with TNT. Duh.

Dear Phil:

Is lightning dangerous?

Rod

Dear Rod:

Is rain wet? Is chubasco sauce good on scorpion nuggets? The answer is yes.

When lightning strikes an overhanging electrical wire it can turn that wire into a giant rattlesnake. I’ve seen it in power company commercials and it’s terrifying. The famous Rattlesnake Bridge downtown is one such giant electrified snake that ended up being shot by Arizona Game and Fish, skinned by local snake skinners and then stretched, to dry, across Broadway, just east of the downtown underpass. It remains there to this day.

Dear Phil:

Last night the rain was coming off the back porch like Niagara Falls. Never thought I’d see the back side of a waterfall, and in Tucson, Arizona, of all places.

Minnie

Dear Minnie:

Welcome to Disneyland. Tip your riverboat guide and watch out for rubber hippos.

Dear Phil:

After a rain I hear lambs. Am I crazy?

Mary

Dear Mary:

What you are hearing are giant toads. When they croak they sound just like sheep. And that’s no coincidence. The toads are mimicking the call of a lamb in distress in hopes of luring sheep to their doom. I saw a giant 2-ton toad eat a ram once. I could be wrong. I asked my wife what she thought and she said, “Ewe.”

Dear Phil:

Have you seen fire and rain?

James

Dear James:

Is your last name Taylor?

Oftentimes a cloud with a troubled childhood will lash out at a nearby mountain with lightning, causing a forest fire. Next thing you know the same cloud rains on the fire, extinguishing the blaze. This is known as a passive- aggressive weather system. It’s a shame we aren’t willing to invest in the therapy that some unfortunate clouds desperately need.

Dear Phil:

I love driving in the rain. “Do not enter when flooded” means drive on through, right?

Moses

Dear Moses:

Not even if Ramses is behind you and the Promised Land is on the other side of the wash.

School was only back for one week and already Harold Honeyman, the beloved principal of Cactus Flats Elementary, was holding a “behavior problem” conference with a student and his parents.

Honeyman could see the Turners waiting in his outer office with their surly, sullen, scab-picking sixth-grader, the notorious Turk Turner. Honeyman invited them in. “Have a seat.”

Turner elbowed his son, gestured at the “Be kind” poster behind Honeyman’s desk and snickered. “Tell me, Honeyman, has our little champ here been unkind to some crybaby here at this dump?”

“According to these reports your son has committed offenses which merit expulsion.”

Turk stopped fingering his left nostril long enough to mutter, “They’re all liars. Especially Assistant Principal Dominguez. Mexicans can’t be fair. He isn’t fit to judge me. He’s a hater.”

“Your son was observed mocking a disabled student reporter from our school newspaper.”

Mr. Turner scowled and waved it off. “It was a joke!”

“In science class he called our science teacher, Mr. Larry Jenkins, ‘lyin’ Larry’ and said global warming was a ‘stupid joke’. He called his female classmates ‘fat pigs’ and ‘dogs.’ He asked our receptionist if she was ‘bleeding out her wherever.’ He called our cafeteria worker, Mr. Alvarez, a ‘drug-dealing rapist who came here to steal votes.’ He called two students, Ali and Jasmine, ‘terrorists,’ and said he was banning ‘all Muslims’ from our campus.”

Mr. Honeyman ignored the high-five Mr. Turner slapped across his son’s raised hand.

“He referred to Maurice Washington, a second-grader, as ‘my African-American’. He encouraged Biff Barnes to beat up a third-grader because she called your son a ‘big stupid bully.’ One eyewitness said he told Barnes to, ‘punch her right in the face.’ Your son told Susie Shapiro, the granddaughter of a POW, that her late grandfather was no war hero because ‘only losers get caught.’ ”

“My boy is just telling it like it is.”

“And then there’s his performance, Mr. Turner. He doesn’t do homework. He refuses to read! He heckles the teachers. He doesn’t know the Constitution. He can’t find Ukraine on a globe. He’s incapable of uttering a complete coherent sentence. What do you have to say for yourself, Turk?”

“All I know, all I need to know, I learned from watching the foxes on Fox. They have some hot looking anchors, don’t they, pop?”

“Tens. Except for that Greta Van Susteren. My God, that face—”

Honeyman pointed sternly at the “Be kind” poster behind his head. Mr. Turner demurred and then sighed. ”So what, exactly, is the problem, Honeyman?”

“He started a ‘Titans for Trump’ club here on campus.”

“A club sounds great!”

“Thanks, pop. We’re going to make school great again. We’ve already got three members: ‘Cronk’ DiMaggio, Scooter ‘Gimme your lunch money’ Gilmore and Biff Barnes. We’re telling kids to support Trump — or else!” Turk smacked the open palm of his hand with his fist and grinned. “We’re gonna make school great again!”

Honeyman was speechless.

“Want to meet our sponsor? Donald Trump is right outside.” Turk Turner jumped out of his seat and dragged an imperious and irritated Trump into Honeyman’s office. Trump gestured at Honeyman to sit back down.

“You need a wall, Honeyman. Your school is not secure. It’s terrible. I hope you’re Second Amendment people, Honeyman. I hope you’re packing a semi-auto. And I mean that. What’s with your receptionist out front? Wow. She’s a definite 10. She is really something. Hotter than my daughter, Ivanka!”

Honeyman was still speechless.

“What? Too creepy? Nah. Tip of the iceberg. Hey, I noticed something about your dump, Honeyman. What’s with all the Latinos you got here on your campus? They got birth certificates? And what kind of name is Honeyman? That Kenyan?”

“Mr. Trump, about the boy’s club—”

“A phenomenal idea! Kid’s a genius. They’ll need shirts. Brown shirts would be nice.”

Honeyman repeated what he had just heard. “Brown shirts?”

Trump studied the wall behind Mr. Honeyman. “What’s with the poster? ‘Be Kind’? What kind of crap is that? That’s weak. Very weak. That’s what losers say. And our Mr. Turk here is a winner! Aren’t you, boy? He’s going to win so much he’s going to get sick of winning — believe you me. You doing your homework, Turk?”

“No, sir. Homework is for losers.”

“I love this kid!!”

Honeyman stood up. “Mr. and Mrs. Turner, we have standards for academic achievement, decency, and respect here at Cactus Flats Elementary. You’ve fallen short. We’re expelling you, Turk Turner. Leave this campus immediately. All of you.”

As Honeyman ushered the four of them out of his office Trump yelled.

“Way to rig the system, Honeyman! Crooked Honeyman! Crooked Honeyman! The system’s rigged!”

Honeyman lifted his walkie-talkie to his mouth and smiled. “Security.”