The following is an absolutely true story.
I know so because the stuff you see on the internet is never fake. The piece on the World Wide Wha? that caught my attention: a dog that ate Gorilla Glue. Seems a Weimaraner pup woofed down half a bottle, and it expanded in her stomach. You know where this story is headed: Yup, straight to the wallet. The dog required emergency surgery, of course. That Gorilla Glue makes for a mighty expensive snack.
Now, our dumb dogs have never eaten anything that toxic, but we did shell out $3,000 for an unplanned surgery two months after Dumb Dog No. 2 joined the family because she snapped her leg. Ah, dogs — they’re the furry children you don’t have to send to college, but you still may end up spending the equivalent of tuition on them. And, to be honest, one of our beasts — that very one who broke her leg — isn’t college material either. She isn’t so much a dog as a furry rock, but without the higher brain functioning. If you call Dumb Dog No. 2, her tail will thump, but it seems to be some sort of a reflex since she doesn’t actually move or otherwise respond to your pleas.
She is quite the guard dog, however. She led the attack on a decorative metal javelina that’s been in the yard for more than a year. Kid No. 3 actually had to lock the thing up in the dog crate to protect it.
Dumb Dog No. 2 is by far the weirdest dog we’ve ever had and the one that makes me question why — with so much insanity in our lives from the two-legged inhabitants — we brought three, four-legged critters into the fray.
They definitely add to the chaos. The dogs never fail to throw up on the carpet immediately after it’s been steam-cleaned and only mere inches away from the tile. I buy bones and rawhides and toys, but still they prefer to gnaw — and carry into the house — large rocks plucked out of the landscaping. We feed them actual food twice a day, and yet they still supplement their diets with lizards that, based on what I have seen, are not easy on the tum or all that digestible.
And one dog has such a strong paper fetish that she’s actually jumped onto my lap and pulled toilet paper right out of my hand.
Really?
But that same little dog adores me, following me everywhere all day long to the point that recently, when I climbed into a pool float for some much-needed relaxation, she was beside herself. She hates water but loves me and so while I glided serenely, she paced anxiously. I scooted to the edge to soothe her and assure her I was fine and that little dog, who’s so freaked by the wet stuff, climbed onto my lap. That’s love. Or separation anxiety. Either way, it made me feel pretty darn special.
So I guess here’s the thing, you have kids and you love them and they love you, even though they stop admitting it around age 5. The kids grow up. Fast. Remember the unbridled excitement they used to have when you picked them up from daycare? They’d run into your arms, wetting both cheeks with slobbery kisses. Yeah, that stops, too. Dogs, though, do it forever. Kids head off to college, and the dogs remain dutifully at your feet — even if it’s just to chew your slippers.
