I once wrote and taught that babies and children need both predictable routines and creative surprises. Actually, everybody needs predictability in their lives from babies to us old folks. Today we all live in a most unpredictable time.
When will the virus be vanquished? When will school start? Will college be real or virtual? When will we be able to socially interact? Will I be able to find a job? When can we schedule our postponed big wedding? When will we be able to fly to visit great-grandma? What about the economy? Who will win the election in November? What will happen to my savings?
Guessing wonβt do it. Even the best punditry on TV or in print is not certainty. We miss our old routines, but keeping old routines is impossible. Uncertainty lurks wherever we look.
My advice? Marshal the bravery within you! Try to make your life and your familyβs lives as predictable as you can. I summon up courage by reminding myself the lack of predictability is worldwide. I keep telling myself how lucky I am. I try to cheer up my down friends on the phone or via computer messages. They reciprocate, bless them.
PREDICTABILITY
Can there possibly be predictability with newborn babies? With most, yes. Babiesβ hunger, discomfort and needs for companionship help parents learn to predict. Toddlers are a handful when confined to a house, but they still need naps and playtime with parents, no matter how busy the parents are. Picture the house where both parents of twin toddlers work at home β and sympathize.
School-age children without a school is not only like an oxymoron, it is a big problem. My 8-year-old grandson did his schoolwork every morning until the school year ended. He has signed up for a virtual one-on-one course with a favorite teacher once a week. He does virtual karate. Swimming sessions last 20 minutes instead of the whole hour so that pool distancing can be practiced. He still has lots of energy left. Trips to the park, zoo, beach are not wise in a state where coronavirus cases are increasing at a terrible and scary rate.
His parents do the best they can to help him work off his extra energy with walks in secluded areas, involving him in training the new dog, short car trips, Monopoly games, etc., but there is a big chunk of time when he is on his own. And he should be; we all need some self-time even at this age. What does he do during the longest recess ever? Plays for a while by himself, but he gets bored and heads for the video games. He does not take kindly to a parental suggestion to do something else. Even though I thought I would never say this, my advice to his parents was to cut Joshua some slack.
My son works at home and needs self-time after he supervises virtual school and drives his son to extracurricular activities. These are not easy times for anyone, so let Joshua do a bit more video gaming than usual. Most adults have noticed they consume more alcohol. However, never forget about moderation in all things.
Parents should make time for some special and predictable family time together. A family reading-aloud hour can be great fun. Everyone reads a favorite passage they choose and say why they liked it. A weekly family meeting is needed now more than ever. We use meetings at work to communicate, check in with each other, and plan for the future. Families need to do these things too. Especially now.
Try some Family Do Nothing Time. Lie down and watch the clouds drift by. My favorite do-nothing time is to sit on my patio at dusk, tip my head back, and watch the first stars pop out. By scheduling do-nothing time, you give the children a message that itβs OK to relax, daydreaming is permissible, and that even the busiest of schedules can be slowed down a bit.
SURPRISES
Donβt let your family life become so routine that it gets boring. Think of creative ways to build surprises into your familyβs daily activities.
Instead of dinner at the table, have a picnic on the living room floor. Celebrate unusual holidays. Have a party to honor Abigail Adams who told her husband, the president, not to forget the ladies. Look her up together. Do a mystery trip by car taking along food, water, sanitizer, wipes, and masks.
ADVICE TO WE, THE OLD PEOPLE
Here is some advice for the elderly population from one who is an Official Old Lady. Our life has been changed by social distancing. Because we are in a high-risk group, we are at home. It may be tempting to do away with all predictable routines. Not a good idea but you can tweak them a bit.
Of course, you can sleep later if you like, but do not stay in pajamas all day, at least not too often. Not good for the soul. Eat regular healthy meals but once in a while have a gooey goodie. Go through the motions of your usual cleaning schedule. Use this time to improve skills or learn something new.
