If the kids have their way, Christmas will be socktacular.
I don’t know what’s wrong with them, but two out of three actually requested … socks.
They’re so weird. I blame their father’s gene pool.
Now, as someone who has received socks, I think I’m qualified to say that most people think socks suck.
They’re right down there with undies and deodorant, all of which I have received at one time or another, along with toothbrushes and toothpaste. The Santa who filled my stocking when I was a kid was very, very practical. Or, really wanted me to be prepared in the event of an apocalypse.
My children’s presockupation, if you will, isn’t just for any old foot covering. Noooooo, they’re into Nike Elites. These are like the Jimmy Choo of socks. Price tag: $18. You do get one for each foot, but sheesh, for that kind of cash I would expect a Costco-sized pack of 10 pairs.
For his recent birthday, No. 3, much to his delight, got a pair of Nike HYPER Elites — the most elite of the Elites — from his buddy.
He wasted no time in ripping them out of the packaging and pulling on the socks, which were purple, orange and black — yes, all those colors at once. He sighed. “Oh, man, these feel so good.”
His friends all crowded around and began talking about their Elites.
What is wrong with kids today?
No. 3 shook his head. “I have the best Elites out of all of you guys,” he boasted. I waited for him to add, “sockers.”
He didn’t. So disappointing.
Now, No. 1 slipped them onto her Christmas list and hasn’t said anything more, but No. 3 is developing quite the obsession. The other day he charged in, yelling “Mom! I need to go to” — I was preparing to hear Toys R Us to look at Nerf guns but instead he said — “Ross!”
What?!
“They have Nike Elites for six bucks!”
Let me grab my car keys!
So, are these socks made out of individually-plucked strands of hair from angora rabbits and then hand-dyed by Keebler elves working side jobs at Nike? Nope, they’re just run-of-the-mill nylon-poly-cotton-spandex.
Apparently what they do with that fabric blend, though, is quite miraculous. Just check out the marketing hype from the packaging:
“3 Levels of Cushioning Soften the Impact Right Where You Need It”
Strategic multi-density cushioning softens the impact where it counts
Dynamic arch compression adds a supportive fit around the foot
Dri-FIT® fabric pulls away sweat to help keep you cool and comfortable
Left/right specific design for a better fit
Eh. Whatever. Now if those socks could just pick themselves off the floor, that would be worth $18.
