Parenting doesn't get easier as children enter their teens

What would I do if I were parenting teens today? First I would take a deep breath and try to put things in perspective. There have been many times in history when parents despaired because of war, famine, drought, a natural disaster, a depression.

I thought parenting was tough in the ’60s! But today is downright scary.

Our truths and tenets are wobbling all over the place. The news is frightening or disheartening, inequality reigns over the land, we are deeply divided, and there is widespread anxiety about our future on both sides. Before they fly from the nest, make sure your teens know what kind of adult you expect then to be, what kind of grownups are needed out there in the world.

Parents may think their job is done as children approach the late teens. What is that exactly? About the ages that Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh were when they first met.

Your parenting tasks are not yet finished. You have more knowledge and wisdom to impart. Of course you already had “The Talk” with the kids about sex. But back to the drawing board to figure out what to say to a son or a daughter about unwanted sexual advances or worse.

This is what I would say: “Let’s have a talk about sex again. The news and internet have been full of #MeToo horror stories. We certainly don’t want that to happen to you.”

What should be included in this talk? Make the following points:

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1) It is vitally important to say “No!” and mean it. It is equally important to take “no” for an answer — listen to and respect others’ words. If you are able to, leave the scene.

2) Repeat and emphasize that sex must be mutually wanted and always protected.

I would also talk with teens of both genders about their future. Tell them your worries about teens who will soon become adults. What kind of adults are needed to solve our many problems? What kind of adults do the teens want to be or dream of becoming?

Find a quiet time like a dinner at home or on a walk. Or turn the TV off and say you want to talk together about the teen’s future. In our busy world, best to make a date to talk together.

Always start by asking the teen what he or she thinks about the issue. Ask what kind of adults they want to be. Talk about what you want and expect from your teens in today’s troubled world. Don’t lecture or recite statistics.

Topics and talking points follow. Don’t tackle these all at once.

• Driving: Drive safely, never with alcohol or drugs in your body or a cellphone in your hand. Be a courteous driver. Never allow passengers to drink or do drugs in the car. Do not crowd the car with more kids than there are seat belts. Obey all traffic rules.
• Screens: Spend as much time as possible away from screens. Off-screen may sound ridiculous to a teen today who was probably born knowing how to log on. Point out there is beautiful nature out there that no picture or video can do justice to. Museums beat an iPhone hands down.
• Body: Exercise — do this for the sake of your body and spirit. Don’t smoke or vape. Play safely. The phrase “moderation in all things” has been around since the ancient Greeks and Romans. Think of it, especially when you are tempted by junk food. Be good to your body, it’s the only one you have.
• Responsibility: Be a responsible person at home or with roommates or spouses. Do your chores. Volunteer to help a tired parent. That very person got up in the middle of the night to feed you. It’s payback time. Be a responsible person in your school and community. Volunteer for school clubs. My daughter volunteered to read to elderly folks in a nursing home. Find your volunteer niche. Many out there need you.
• Kindness: Being kind means you are aware that every one of us needs and deserves civil discourse in our interactions with others. The better we treat people, the better chance we have of being treated well.
• Listen: Too often we jump to conclusions before we really understand. Phrase your questions to get an answer, not shut off dialogue. Try to put yourself in the other guy’s shoes. Remember for every strongly held opinion you have, there will always be others who strongly hold an opposite opinion. It is easier to find common ground if you speak softly and thoughtfully.
• Education: Become educated. Learn as much as you can in school and become a lifelong learner. This has never been more important than now, when the world changes so quickly.
• Work: Work hard. Take pride in your work. Learn from your first jobs even if you are doing menial tasks. Develop good work habits and strategies.
• Read: Read not only for school but also for fun and to increase your knowledge. Learn how much knowledge has accumulated since the printing press. Love knowledge and truth.
• Love: Cherish your family and friends. Love your life partner and your children. Spend time and pay attention to your grandparents. They have a unique history to share with you.
• Our planet: And above all, become a responsible person who cares about your fellow man and woman and reveres the planet, our only home. Work to save it from environmental destruction.
• VOTE!