The holiday season approaches. This past year has been characterized by such vicious divisiveness that we all need what Thanksgiving and Christmas (or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa) provide. Everyone of us needs happy holiday times for family and friends to come together.
In holiday columns of years past I offered my readers CHEERS.
C stands for CONNECTIONS that are what holidays are all about and what really matters.
H stands for HELP. No woman (or man) should do a huge holiday dinner alone. Involve family and friends.
E stands for ELIMINATE ... donβt do any unnecessary things. Ask yourself, must you bake cookies or can you buy them?
The second E is for the ENVIRONMENT. Give a holiday gift to planet Earth and go easy on both purchases and wrapping.
R stands for REACH OUT. Help the children understand they are part of a community by inviting people to share your holiday and involving the children in bringing toys or food to the needy.
S stands for SLOW DOWN. We tend to set an unmerciful pace for ourselves that leads to holiday stress. Innovate and start new family traditions that emphasize connections and minimize rushing around.
The most important of these six words is connections. Hopefully we will all be fortunate enough to see our loved ones during this season. The contact we make with friends and relatives β¦ the hugs and the smiles, is the real joy of the season, much more meaningful and memorable than the food or gifts.
Todayβs families are not what they used to be. Few of us are part of a traditional family that has had no divorce, second spouses, or step children. All families can experience annual in-law holiday conflicts. There is pressure to spend the holidays in one familyβs territory rather than the otherβs. Some families spend alternate years with each side of the family or have two holiday get-togethers. Some may have the means to spend holidays together at a resort, which can eliminate the territorial divide.
Many, if not most of us, live far away from some or all of our relatives. I personally fall in this group and sometimes find myself fighting jealousy and self-pity in this season. I try to shake off these negative feelings by reminding those who do not have to get on an airplane to see a grandchild that they are truly blessed and urge them to enjoy their joy.
I have always worried about children who do not have nearby grandparents because having grandma and grandpa close is such an enriching experience for a child.
As our aging population increases, I have become concerned about the grandparents. We all long to see the grandkids but some of us may no longer be able to travel alone so we are alone in the holiday season. Almost 40 percent of us 70 million grandmas and grandpas live more than 500 miles from our grandkids. Some elderly folk, especially those who had no children, have outlived all their family members and are truly alone. Get in the spirit of the holiday and invite these βgeriatric orphansβ to share in your holiday festivities.
Some of us βMedicare kidsβ have entertained the family for years but no longer have the strength to shop for and prepare a holiday meal. Because connections are so vital to everybodyβs sense of well being regardless of age, accommodations have to be made.
Family dynamics play a big role here. No matter how old we are, we carry within us an image of being lovingly cared for by our parents. This may blind grown children to the fact that their parents are aging. They truly love their parents and the family traditions they grew up with but cannot see the toll this takes on Mom and Pop.
And speaking from experience, we old folks may be negligent. We do not tell our children we can no longer spend two days shopping and cooking. It helps if both children and parents understand these feelings and figure out how to express themselves honestly.
You donβt have to eliminate the family feast. One solution is for everybody to chip in and eat out. Or hire a caterer or order a meal from those markets that sell prepared foods. Or you can plan a cooking coup.
Elect a person-in-charge, decide on a simplified menu that includes some of the favorite traditional dishes but also some new easier ones, designate who does the shopping and who prepares what.
Mom doesnβt like the idea? Beg her to share the family recipes and explain how to do the tricky stuff. Coax her to sit down for a cup of tea and supervise the work.
I have been both the adult child of a mother who lived on the other side of the country and the aging mother whose children are scattered in three states. Which role is harder? Relinquishing the role of matriarch and watching others in charge was harder for me. But the joy of being together and watching the culinary skills and new food ideas of my offspring more than makes up for it. I welcome these new traditions.
Happy holiday season! Donβt anybody work too hard! Connect!
