After losing friends to cancer, reaching out is scary for young survivor

In the 4½ years she spent mostly in the hospital fighting leukemia, Azayliah Dezerie Perez had little opportunity to make friends.

During that time — from age 4 to 9 — she connected with five kids. Four of them — Julian, Brittney, Giovanni and Delia — died.

Julian, at 5 years old, had a strong spirit Zay admired. Brittney, a 17-year-old who loved makeup, had an infectious laugh and inspired Zay to be a girly girl. Giovanni, with his sweet little 5-year-old voice and long eyelashes, brought Zay joy. Delia, an older teen who helped Zay deal with Giovanni’s death, was an older sister, a confidante, a mentor.

After losing them one after the other, the thought of making new friends was understandably scary for Zay, now 9. She worried she’d get close to somebody and they would die. In her experience, that’s what friends did.

But when she started school for the first time this fall, after her leukemia was declared in remission, her mother assured her it wouldn’t be like that this time. “I had to tell Zay these kids are different, because they’re not sick,” Desiree Mendoza says.

Delia had always told Zay she would make lots of friends when she got better. Slowly, Zay let herself believe.

“Now I feel more comfortable with all those kids supporting me and helping me learn,” she says.

Zay believes Delia is in heaven, and she talks to her every night before bed. “You were right, Delia, that I’d have lots of friends,” she says. “But I still remember you, and I still cry for you.”

safe from the “fly touch”

Busy sounds of the crowded cafeteria echo through the courtyard at Kellond Elementary School.

Inside, Zay sits with two friends, Redana and Tavia, and picks at her lunch — ravioli.

“It’s not so good,” Zay says, rolling the food around with her fork. But part of her loves the experience. School lunches — like friends — are still novel to her.

While they eat, the three third-graders talk about what they might be for Halloween. A character from Monster High. A witch — but a pretty one. An Indian, with a short dress.

A fly lands on Redana. The girls giggle and shoo it away. Redana tags Tavia and crosses her fingers. In kidspeak, crossing your fingers means you’re safe, especially from the “fly touch.”

Zay doesn’t know to cross her fingers, but she knows she doesn’t want a case of “the fly touch.” She tries to dodge Tavia, unsuccessfully.

“You have the fly touch,” Tavia laughs. Zay smiles and shrugs it off.

The fly drama over, the girls move onto their next topic.

“What are we going to play today?” Zay asks excitedly.

“We can play puppies,” Redana suggests. They all agree.

That was easy. The hard part is deciding who will be the evil dog and who gets to be cute, innocent puppies.

Time for some rock, paper, scissors.

“Ha! Ha! You’re the evil dog,” Tavia tells Zay.

The girls giggle and empty their trays. It’s playtime.

Helping Zay deal with Loss

Zay and Delia Gonzales had bonded instantly.

A hospital social worker introduced them because she thought Delia, a 19-year-old girl fighting aplastic anemia, could help Zay deal with her sadness over Giovanni’s death.

On their first meeting, Delia had balloons and gifts for Zay.

“She just pulled her close and started talking,” remembers Angie Mendoza, Zay’s grandmother. ”Delia never made Zay feel like she was older than her. It was so awesome that this young lady went so far above and beyond to make this little girl so happy, when she was fighting her own hard battle.”

They were inseparable at the hospital. Even when they couldn’t physically be around one another because of illness, they found ways. “We’d hear noises, and then a knock ... and she’d take off and we’d look and there’d be a picture or note for Zay,” Desiree remembers. Zay did the same for Delia.

“She made me feel special,” Zay says.

The two had plans. First, they were going to get better. Then they would design clothes to raise money for research and start a second Make a Wish fund for kids who relapse.

They never got that opportunity.

In the early hours of Jan. 9, Zay dreamed she and Delia went separate ways in a field. She couldn’t shake the dream all day. That afternoon, the sad news came from Delia’s mom. Delia had died early that morning.

Zay broke down. She was consumed by sadness. And anger. She didn’t understand why they couldn’t save her friend.

“It still hurts,” her mom says. “Zay misses Delia. But she understands.”

Making new friends

Until this school year, Khaylina, 6, was her big sister’s “icebreaker” whenever they met new kids.

But on the first day of school last month, Khaylina knew she wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. So she gave her big sister a pep talk.

“I can’t break the ice for you,” she told Zay. “This time it’s your turn to be brave and make friends.”

“How do I do that?” Zay asked her sister.

“Just be yourself. You’re funny and you’re cool,” Khaylina said. “Just take deep breaths while you’re walking down the hall and tell yourself you’re going to make at least one friend today.”

“What if I make more than one?”

“Well, then, you’re popular!”

Zay did make more than one friend that first day. But friendships can be fraught with jealousy and hurt feelings. That’s a hard lesson to learn for somebody facing the wide world for the first time.

One of Zay’s first friends didn’t want to expand their duo, and she didn’t want to be a part of a larger group. Typical third-grade girl drama. But Zay didn’t know how to handle it, so she asked her mom what she should do.

“I told her to keep saying ‘hi’ when she saw her, and to not ever let this teach her to be mean to others,” Desiree said.

So that’s what she did, and eventually her friend came around.

Zay has bonded with three girls in her class — Tavia, Sydney and Redana. They play at lunch, like any other normal kids.

Normal. Something Zay has always longed for.

zay’s first Field Trip

It’s field trip day for Mrs. Egan’s third-grade class. Zay’s first field trip.

On the bus, Mrs. Egan and the students sing “Wheels on the Bus” until the driver begs them to stop. The kids resort to other activities to keep themselves occupied — Slug Bug and I Spy.

Finally they arrive at the Tucson Museum of Art. One group, including Tavia and Zay, goes into a classroom and meets with instructor Johanna Martinez.

“I thought today we’d do collage,” Martinez says. Then she explains what that means, and invites students to choose supplies from boxes of fabric scraps, magazines and paper. “If you have a picture of a mushroom,” the teacher continues, “I’d like you to turn it into something else.”

Back at their table, Zay works to put together brightly colored geometric shapes. They’re like the sculptures in front of the museum, she explains.

“Oh, I like that,” Tavia says.

“Look, this is the water,” she continues, showing off her own creation — a cityscape by the sea.

“Oh, turn! Turn!” Zay jokes as she moves a cut-out car toward the water on Tavia’s collage. “I like it.”

Another girl sitting at the table chimes in.

“Can you burp your ABCs?”

Zay looks shocked, her deep brown eyes agape. And then she laughs.

“I would need to drink a lot of soda to do that!”

When it’s time to head into the museum, Zay, Sydney and Tavia wait together for instructions. The trio make faces as parent chaperones take pictures with their phones.

Then they walk inside together.

Little Sister, Best Friend

No matter how many new friends Zay makes, she always comes back to her little sister — her best friend.

“Khaylina has been there for her in ways I never would have imagined,” Desiree says. “She never allowed Zay to feel alone.”

Through all they’ve endured, Khaylina has been an unwavering source of encouragement and strength for Zay.

“Khaylina sees me as a normal kid,” Zay says. “She never mentioned me being sick ... or bald.”

Instead, she would beg Zay to play, even when she didn’t feel well. Or she would find ways to make her sister laugh. “She’s really funny, and tells weird jokes that we don’t get,” Zay says.

And Khaylina always sticks up for Zay.

“One time someone said, ‘Your sister is weird,’” Khaylina remembers, “And I said, ‘No, she’s not. She’s the prettiest sister ever.’”

The Perez family lives by the “Ohana” rule, which they learned from the movie “Lilo & Stitch.”

“It means family doesn’t leave anybody behind,” Khaylina says. She calls Zay her sister-best friend. “Nothing comes between that.”

A normal kid at a pool party

Tavia’s parents, Jenny and Darick Cailing, learned about their daughter’s new pal on the first day of school. “All I hear about is Zay,” Darick says.

Jenny says she’s happy about the budding friendship, as Tavia — much like Zay — hadn’t connected with anybody her own age until now. Both girls preferred the company of their younger sisters.

Khaylina and Zay were invited to a pool party one Friday evening by a friend of Khaylina’s. Zay invited Tavia. It was their first time hanging out outside of school.

“Zay!” Tavia shouts when Zay arrives at the party. The two girls embrace like they haven’t seen each other in ages, even though it’s been just a few hours. Zay shows Tavia her Monster High Dolls.

“Let’s go to the pool,” Zay says. They run to the water and hop in.

Zay, in bright pink goggles, puts her face in the water, looking at the bottom of the pool.

“I wanna see underwater. Can I see your goggles?” Tavia asks.

Zay takes them off and helps her friend put them on.

“Oh, my goodness,” Tavia says. “It’s so deep.”

Splash! A little boy runs and jumps off the diving board.

“Zay, I’m going to jump off the diving board,” Tavia says. “Wanna go?”

“Yeah, it’s just water,” Zay says. “I’m gonna try.”

Tavia goes first. She does a cannonball. Zay’s next. She holds her nose, jumps in and emerges with a big smile. “I’m gonna do that again.”

They make a couple of rounds on the diving board, then go back to swimming.

“Zay, I want to show you something,” Tavia says. “I’m going to do a flip underwater.”

Zay puts her face underwater to watch. Now, it’s her turn.

“One, two, three.” Zay somersaults underwater while Tavia watches. Regular games friends play in a pool.

Finally, she isn’t seen as a sick kid. She is Zay. The cool girl with the short hair and the bright pink goggles.

“I’ve waited so long for this,” Zay tells her mom. “It’s more than I expected. I’m normal.”