Renowned theater critic Art Deco sat down with Broadway producer and part-time jackalope wrangler Dave Fitzsimmons to talk about his off-Broadway holiday play.
How far off-Broadway is it?
It’s a block north on Congress Street. At the Rialto Theatre! I always wanted to be a producer, to see my name up in lights. The closest any of us in my family ever came to seeing any of our names up in lights was when uncle Jack stole a Chevy Nova and they flashed the license plate number on the digital billboards over I-10. They caught him in Red Rock.
What’s your show called?
“Dave Fitzsimmons presents ‘An Arroyo Café Christmas’, a production of ‘The Old Pueblo Radio Show’ — Garrison Keillor eat your heart out!” The title would have been longer but I ran out of apostrophes.
What’s the show about?
It’s about two hours.
I’ll try again. What’s the show about?
A day in the life of the Arroyo Cafe performed in the style of a vintage musical comedy radio show. And here’s the groovy part: it will be taped by Arizona Public Media for broadcast. Wilbur the Wildcat, Tom McNamara, the snowbirds Bob and Connie Girth, Carlos the cook, Sour Frank, Baxter Schwartz the Cowboy Poet and others will all be dropping by the cafe to celebrate the holidays. And I’ll be there, too.
When is the show?
When can you show up? I’ll wake the cast and the musicians. We can be there in half an hour. Unless you want to wait until Saturday, Dec. 20, at 2 p.m. Contact the Rialto for tickets. It’s $10 a seat so don’t be expecting an $11 show.
Where did the idea for a radio show come from?
The idea came to me when I was listening to “A Prairie Home Companion” while I was circling the Michigan turn at Ina and Oracle for the 127th time.
Keillor was lulling me to sleep when I thought, “Hey I could do that! And half as well for twice the aggravation. Tucson needs a ‘Sonoran Hacienda Companion’.” How hard could it be? Most days this place is Lake Wobegon with sand.
Why a radio show?
Have you seen our cast’s publicity stills? Those are faces only a mother could love.
Do you have a sound effects man?
Our sound effects man, Dusty Hal Hubbard, is amazing. Hubbard is most famous for the sound effects in Charlie Chaplin’s seminal work “The Gold Rush.” A master of the kazoo, the whistle, and the armpit harmonica, Marty is the world renowned master of the knee cymbal. Always the innovator, Dusty Hal Hubbard patented the “Hubba Hubba Hubbard” in 1987, a sound effect that combines galloping hoofbeats, door slams, jingle bells and a wolf whistle.
Will there be music?
Is Lute Olson’s hair white? I wrangled “The Grandsons of the Pioneers,” Mariachi Membrilo, cowboy troubadour Bill Ganz, diva Crystal Stark, fiddler Sharon Goldwasser and the amazing Duncan Stitt, our piano man and musical director to put on the show. Duncan, a former undertaker from Tombstone, is accustomed to unresponsive audiences. “They don’t bother me. I’d still rather be entertaining stiffs than planting them.”
Tell us about your cast.
I wanted funny local talents who could write as well as perform.
Jay Taylor, the retired local ad man, is our breakout star. A veteran comedian, Jay made it all the way to the “Tonight Show” about the same time Geronimo was raiding Tumacacori for tostadas. Rosa is portrayed by the vivacious comedienne Bridgitte Thum, blogger extraordinaire and a genuine waitress at the famous B-Line. Lurlene, the sassy trailer park queen, is portrayed by comic Nancy Stanley, an assistant dean at the UA law school. Marty Bishop makes a cranky but lovable Sour Frank and Elliot Glicksman is Phil Arroyo, TV weatherman and just about the closest thing to a celebrity you’ll ever see in the Arroyo Cafe.
This event is a fundraiser?
I realized long ago our humble talents alone could not sell tickets and that we’d need something more, something special, something spectacular. But since Hugh Jackman was booked and Guy Atchley was squeamish about the nudity clause, we went with guilt.
My two favorite nonprofits raking in the big bucks from our show are Tu Nidito and Arizona Public Media. Tu Nidito is Southern Arizona’s resource for children and families whose lives have been impacted by serious illness or death and Arizona Public Media is home to PBS 6, NPR 89.1 and Classical 90.5. And as sure as there’s a Santa Claus, the food bank will be there collecting donations! Are Tucsonans generous? Are the Catalinas blue?
Have you ever written a more self-serving column?
Only when I lost my pet hamster, Mr. Dinky.
You have been called the Orson Welles of Oro Valley and the Max Bialystock of Marana?
I prefer the Flo Ziegfeld of Flowing Wells.
Break a leg, Fitz.
Merry Christmas.
