Fitz: Trump finds a friend in Arizona's 'maverick' senator

Last night I dreamt of interviewing Arizona Sen. John McCain. Here is our conversation:

When you were a prisoner of war in Vietnam your self-respect mattered more than anything to you.

Even survival. I couldn’t live without honor.

This election season you endorsed a sexist, racist conspiracy-peddling serial liar for the presidency of the United States. Why?

Today my survival matters more to me than anything.

Even your self-respect?

Do you want a “Make America Great Again” cap? Holds my comb-over down.

And sense of honor?

Did you know Latinos love him? Try a taco bowl.

Trump said you were no hero, because you were captured.

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Donald says things he doesn’t mean. He’s such a kidder! Hey watch this. I can bend my spine like a shopping mall pretzel. Pretty good for 80, don’t you think?

It’s hard to believe you were once known as a “maverick.”

Me? A maverick? Heh, heh. I was a lot of things.

That jarred me awake.

In spite of the astonishing fact the surgeon general’s report found that reading tweets from Donald Trump can cause impaired judgment, dizziness, nausea and vomiting, Arizona’s senior senator has decided to be Trump’s McChristie out McWest.

McCain is so desperate to placate Arizona’s racist birther base he recently blamed the rise of ISIS on Obama, overlooking a minor detail called George W. Bush and the invasion of Iraq. Speaking of strategic destabilizing blunders of a historic nature, Bush owns ISIS as much as McCain owns that prime-time fool, Sarah Palin, the disloyal ditz who cartwheeled in snowshoes for Trump after he sneered that her former running mate was anything but a war hero.

Trump recently said the U.S. should “think about racial profiling.” Right. His base has been “thinking about” racial profiling since the end of the Civil War. The same rabid base that spurned McCain’s leadership on immigration reform with such vigor Chicken Little dropped that lead balloon and morphed into John “Build the damn wall” McCain.

McCain once filled Barry Goldwater’s substantial shoes. Today he’s lost in them, like a flea in the Grand Canyon, joining the pompous posse of Arizona’s most pathetic Petticoat Junction extras backing Trump: Jan “Brain Freeze” Brewer and Uncle Joe “Jail-Bound” Arpaio.

Anytime Trump leaks trickle-down racism or dribbles lunatic theories, McCain will be shuffling next to him with a mop and smile because Trump accomplished what the Viet Cong could not do: Donald Trump broke McCain.

It’s a sad end for an old man.