Sour Frank winked at Rosa as he sipped her coffee. βHey, Rosa, did you make the taco bowl that Trump was eating for that ridiculous photo-op? The one where he said he loves Hispanics?β
βVery funny, Frank.β
Romero jumped in. βNot as funny as when Trumpβs staff canceled the watermelon event he scheduled for next week. Whenβs he going to do an βI love white peopleβ photo-op at Golden Corral?β Romero gulped down his scrambled eggs. βThat dude gives bigots a bad name. America will never elect a sexist racist to the White House.β
Rosa, Carlos, Romero and half the diners in the cafe looked heavenward and crossed themselves silently.
I asked Romero, βDid you see the news? Jan Brewer offered herself to Trump as a possible vice presidential running mate.β
βYouβre kidding. Wow. Vice Apprentice of the United States of America.β
I had a theory about her delusion. βMust be the side effect of eating scorpions for breakfast.β
Rosa pointed out the obvious. βI think a woman on the ticket would help Trump. Of course sheβd have to be a very special woman.β
I had a suggestion. βLike ... Sarah Palin.β
Romero thought for a moment. βPalin or Brewer. Now thatβs a tough call. How could Trump ever decide between a half-term governor and a term- and-a-half governor whoβs a half-wit?β
Rosa said, βI see no one is above name calling anymore.β
I asked Lurlene when she thought Rep. Martha McSally was going to endorse her partyβs nominee. βSheβs going to have to take a stand soon on piggy boy. Is she going with Billie Jean King or the Bobby Riggs of 2016?β
Sour Frank snarled, βTalk all you want. Women love Trump. His wives are super-models!β We all fell silent. Sour Frank excused himself to use the restroom.
Lurlene ignored Frankβs remarks and took off on Arizonaβs senior senator. βCan you believe it? McCain came out in support of Trump! And after Trump said McCain was no war hero β because he got captured!β
I said, βWhat do you expect from the genius who gave us Sarah Palin?β
Lurlene sniffed. βMcCain and Trump. Please. Never put a man whose favorite phrase is βYouβre firedβ in charge of the nuclear launch codes.β
I said, βIβm just grateful the state legislative session ended with KidsCare intact. I was surprised! This yearβs meet-up reminded me of the movie βDeliveranceβ more than once because I thought I heard dueling banjos during the budget sessions.β
βAt least our lawmakers voted to outlaw dog racing. Greyhound Park is going to have to give up the dogs. They should try ostriches or camels.β
βHow about small mammals, like ferrets, or weasels, or legislators?β
βCanβt train a legislator to chase rabbits. They only chase dark money.β
Just then Sour Frank returned. βHey, Rosa, I just checked out your bathrooms. You donβt have a transgender option.β
Lurlene chuckled. βAre you from North Carolina? You all spend way too much time in public restrooms looking over your shoulders. Must be some kind of post-Civil War trauma that left you all so jumpy.β
I declared I couldnβt believe that βthe whole country is talking about a stupid law that obsesses about who can and canβt use a certain bathroom. And this from the party that wants less intrusive government.β
Lurlene said there was a bright side to the fuss. βNorth Carolinaβs bathroom law is so stupid we Arizonans got to experience a moment of superiority.β
Rosa pointed out to all of us that moment was short lived. βWould you like more coffee, Lurlene?β
Lurlene thanked Rosa and wondered aloud if there was going to be a special S.W.A.T. unit formed to patrol North Carolinaβs bathrooms.
Romero said, βHave you all heard the Caterpillar story?β
Lurlene nodded. βI love the βVery Hungry Caterpillarβ!β
βNot that one, genius. Didnβt you hear the good news? Caterpillar is coming here β with high paying jobs!β
βYup. And I heard the Rio Nuevo folks and the mayor and council felt the earth move.β
And with that Rosa slapped my bill on the counter.