Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing the on-screen cast of Pixar’s animated film “Inside Out.” It’s the story of how a young girl’s five emotions — Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness — help her navigate a new life, home and school. Joy is the pixie of positivity, Sadness is the queen of the blues, and green Disgust keeps her safe.
“Hello, Joy, Disgust and Sadness! I only see three of you,” I said. “Where are your fabulous co-stars, Anger and Fear?” Fear is purple and Anger is as red as a fire hydrant.
Joy said she hadn’t seen them in a few weeks. “Maybe Sadness knows.” Sadness looked down at her feet. Disgust sneered. “Well, I’m disgusted with both of them.”
“Why? Where are they?”
Disgust looked down her green nose at me and said, “They’re on the campaign trail. In New Hampshire they’re in second place! And in Iowa they bumped Cruz and Trump out of first place. Don’t you watch the news?” Disgust scowled and put her green arm around Sadness’ slumped shoulders. “It’s because of Trump and the others! When Fear and Anger saw that fear and anger were winning votes they thought that maybe the real Anger and Fear could enter the race and actually win the Presidency!”
Sadness spoke. “It’s so sad. Anger said it was time for a really angry candidate to enter the race. I guess he was right. He was angry long before everyone else.”
I was stunned. “Where are they now?”
Disgust rolled her eyes. “They’re somewhere in Iowa. On a bus.”
I found Anger at a diner in Hog’s Breath, Iowa, shaking hands and posing with supporters for selfies. He stood up on a chair when it came time to speak. “Listen you losers, I’ve got what it takes to win in 2016. I have a white shirt, a nice tie and my head bursts into flames when I don’t get my way. How do you like them apples, huh? Hey, waitress! Doll face! Another coffee here! Hustle, girlie girl! Nice skirt on that one.”
He gulped the coffee, closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. His face turned bright red, he shouted the word, “Immigration!” and flames burst out of the top of his head. The crowd applauded.
“If you’re angry I’m your man! Why? I’ll tell you dumb palookas why! Because I’m Anger, you dummies. I’m that feeling you get when you stub your toe, or get stuck in traffic, or when you lose your job and want to blame a Mexican. Are you with me?”
I introduced myself and asked him, “Are you always angry?”
“Yes! I’m always angry! Why do you think I’m as red as a fire engine?” His forehead burst into flames again. “You media liars are such morons!”
I asked him another question while I warmed my cold hands over his smoldering brow. “How did you come to pick Fear to be on the ticket?”
“Don’t be a dope, for crying out loud! We are an unbeatable team! Fear frightens them until their knees shake and I mop up by turning their fear into raw, seething anger! You tell Joy, Disgust and Sadness that our campaign is catching fire. People don’t want answers, they want Anger and I’m their man! Remember how we used to store memories in orbs that we’d send to long-term memory? Well guess what, genius! Voters have no long-term memory! Their core memories consist of data about celebrities, sports figures and YouTube cat videos. Anything they might have learned in civics, or from last year’s election, has been long lost to the memory dump.”
“The Abyss?”
“Exactly, Cinderella! They don’t have room for facts. They want feelings! The conditions are perfect for me! Put Anger in charge! Make America angry again! The only thing we have to fear is — everything!”
When I returned from Iowa I learned that Disgust had gone to work for CNN as an on-air commentator. “Ew, Anderson, I am so disgusted with the system, the voters and the politicians I could just barf. Where’s the joy in politics?”
I caught up with Joy at the airport. She said she was leaving the country until after the election. “Remember when I told Anger I didn’t think he could control himself and he said he could? Well, it’s clear he’s completely lost control of his pixels. Last week he called for a wall around Monsters University. He told everyone Buzz Lightyear was not a real Space Ranger and that Mater lacked energy. He’s turned the country inside out!”
Joy managed a faint smile as she walked away. “It was hard to say goodbye to everyone. Especially Sadness.”
Sadness had fallen into a deep depression. When I found her she was sitting on her sofa watching a news report about some Anger supporters who had beaten up protesters at a rally in Iowa. “I wish Joy was in the race.” She was holding a small worn American flag in her tiny blue hand. And she had that faraway lost look on her blue face.
