To Tucson, infinity, and beyond the Arroyo Cafe

Rosa squealed, “Padre!” It had been a long time since Padre Kino had dropped in at the Arroyo Cafe. Rosa invited the old Jesuit to sit at her counter. “For being over 300 years old you look good, Padre. What’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a cup of chocolate and a burrito. Hold the flies.”

Lurleen was happy to see the old missionary, too. “So what did you think of the Pope’s visit, Brother Eusebio?”

“It was a blessing. For one thing Donald Trump was kicked off the front pages for a week. Praise God.”

Lurleen slapped Kino on the back. “You’re pretty funny, Friar Tuck. Were you ever in the Friars Club with Milton Berle or Jackie Mason?”

Kino smiled and sipped his hot chocolate. “Last week the Holy Father asked you to love the immigrant, to love the poor, and to love the earth.” He bit into the burrito. “That’s a tough call for those in Washington who love dark money. In the fifth century St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I wish his Holiness could have driven the snakes out of Congress last week.”

Kino paused and whispered, “The Pope will be back.”

Lurleen was curious. “Really? Why?”

“To elevate Jimmy Carter to sainthood. After he enters Paradise. God Bless him. Rosa, can I get some salsa?”

“Si, Padre. Did you see Pope Francis on TV? I never saw anything like it. People were screaming like they were seeing the Beatles.”

“That’s a phenomenon we Catholics call Mass hysteria. Mass. Hysteria. Get it? Can I get absolution for that joke? No?” We all groaned. “How about a second cup of chocolate?”

Rosa asked him, “What brings you here? Are you finally going to finish the east tower at San Xavier? It’s about time.”

“No, my child. The stars are what brought me here. Your night sky. The firmament. When it comes to the heavens Tucson is where it’s at. Every Blood Moon I return to remember the stars that guided me here long ago.”

Lurleen elbowed Sour Frank. “Hey, Frank, did you see the Blood Moon this week? I hear Sarah Palin sacrificed a goat and hid in her igloo until it passed.”

Frank asked, “Did you see the headlines this week? Scientists found water on Mars!”

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Lurlene said, “I was hoping they’d find Matt Damon. I heard he was stuck on Mars. They have to get him home to keep Ben Affleck from ruining another woman’s life.” She laughed at her own joke, which triggered a fit of coughing fed by a lifetime of Marlboros.

Kino smiled. ”This is bigger than Matt Damon, my sister. “

Rosa said, “Yeah, I know. Water. Las Vegas and Halliburton are launching a joint venture to build a pipeline to Mars. Trump says it will employ thousands of Venusians. He loves the Venusians. They’re phenomenal people.”

Kino shook his head. “There could be life on Mars, my child.”

Sour Frank said, “I guess that’s true. If there can be life in downtown Ajo on a Saturday night, there could be life on Mars.”

Rosa looked at Frank. “I’m waiting for a Martian windstorm to blow away a sand dune to reveal the bones of a little green climate change denier holding a ‘Climate Change is a hoax’ sign. And he’ll be your twin, Frank.”

Kino was undaunted. “I’m excited about Mars. When it comes to exploring the heavens Tucson is, well, heavenly. You have world-class observatories ... the telescope mirror lab ... the Mars Rover ... If Mars is in the news, the University of Arizona’s Lunar and Planetary Laboratory is an important part of the story!

“Have you heard of Osiris-Rex, brothers and sisters?”

Lurleen nodded. “He’s a rapper, right?”

“No, my child. It’s a University of Arizona program to land a craft on an asteroid. Within the decade. To mine asteroids! It’s amazing! ”

Lurleen frowned. “Oh, no! That’s how ‘Avatar’ started. Once we get to Pandora will we be the bad guys?”

Kino laughed. “No. Think about it. A mission to the asteroids! Tucson’s greatest assets are the stars above it every night and the fine minds at the University of Arizona who are exploring space the way Coronado and Cortez and DeAnza explored this frontier.”

Sour Frank lifted his coffee cup in a toast. “Here’s to all the Jimmy Neutrons in this town. Nerds rule, y’all.” Lurleen stood up and pointed to the ceiling of the Arroyo Cafe. “To infinity and beyond!”

Kino clasped his hands together. “Can I get an Amen, brothers and sisters?”

We cheered a full-throated “Amen.” Kino handed Rosa a rosary and got up. “Tempus fugit. Time to go! I hear the heavens calling me back. Pax vobiscum. Hasta la vista. And go, space cats — to infinity and beyond.”