Rick Horowitz
Bolt your doors! Guard your chimneys! It's another Ho-Ho-Horowitz Christmas, with political lyrics set to holiday songs. And a one, and a two ...
'Echoing'
(Sung to the melody of "Deck the Halls")
Echoing a certain German ...
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
Donald uses words like “vermin,”
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
Moving toward a choice so fateful,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la,
Who can doubt the man is hateful?
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
'Biden is old'
(Sung to “Joy to the World”)
Bi-den is old!
He’s eighty-one,
The numbers only climb!
He shuffles when he walks,
He stumbles when he talks,
We hold our breath and cringe,
Ev’ry time he feels a twinge,
And we hunger:
A younger choice for hist’ry’s hinge.
'AI'
(Sung to “The First Noel”)
AI, AI,
The hottest new thing!
We gather together
Its praises to sing.
The boosters reassure:
We’ve got nothing to fear --
Though there’s always the chance
It deletes us next year ...
'Always 'No!''
(Sung to “Let It Snow!”)
The atmosphere’s rude and raucous ...
In the mighty MAGA caucus,
And there’s only one way they go:
Always “No!” Always “No!” Always “No!!”
Afraid that they’re looking weaker,
Had to settle on a speaker,
Did some vetting but much too slow,
Now they know! Now they know! Now they know!
'O Come try Ozempic'
(Sung to “O Come, All Ye Faithful”)
O come try Ozempic,
Toss aside your cravings,
Ozempic, Ozempic makes them all ... go ... away.
One ... bite and sated,
No more second helpings!
No extra pounds to carry,
(Your side effects may vary)
So ask your doc -- don’t tarry! --
If it’s ri-ight for you.
'Santos causes Congress to frown'
(Sung to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)
There’s always a smile,
He’s cute as a pup,
But then they find out
He’s made it all up!
Santos causes Congress to frown.
He used to have clout,
His star on the rise,
They’re tossing him out --
They’re through with his lies,
Santos flaws kept dumbing things down.
On their latest podcast, Milfred and Hands sing political lyrics set to holiday songs.
'Have Yourself a Fani Willis Christmas'
(Sung to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”)
Have yourself a Fani Willis Christmas,
Time to cut a deal ...
Do it now, or wait and file some lame appeal.
Have yourself a Fani Willis Christmas,
RICO’s at the door,
Jump aboard
An offer you just can’t ignore.
'Gold bars'
(Sung to “Silver Bells”)
Golden bars ...
Fancy cars ...
What have you done, Bob Menendez?
Cashing in ...
Such a sin!
Throwing your future away.
'Tommy Tuberville'
(Sung to “Happy Holidays!”)
Tommy Tuberville ...
Tommy Tuberville ...
With a grip as strong as iron --
And a brain of iron, too.
Stinking up the joint,
Just to make a point,
While promotions face a roadblock --
He’s a blockhead through and through!
'O Kamala'
(Sung to “O Tannenbaum”)
O Kamala! O Kamala!
Why won’t they give you credit?
You’re staying true
As Number Two,
But disrespect?
You said it!
You’re doing what they ask of you,
There’s nothing else a veep can do,
But moving up for Kamala?
Dems look ...
They think ...
They dread it!
'Here he comes Alito-ing'
(Sung to “Here We Come A-Caroling”)
Here he comes Alito-ing,
As angry as can be,
And likewise Clarence Thomas
Resents the third degree:
“Ethics rules? Not for us!”
“There’s no need to make a fuss!”
And if friends pay for fancy rides or sailing on a yacht,
They’ll disclose what they choose --
Or maybe not.
'Elon showed us how to kill a brand'
(Sung to "Winter Wonderland")
Who can turn ... off the spigot ...
When the rich ... guy’s a bigot?
We all need a bath,
To scrub off the wrath --
Elon’s Twitter ranting's out of hand
Join the club. Be a critic,
(He’s so antisemitic!)
He traffics in lies,
Not hard to despise --
Elon showed us how to kill a brand.
'Megan Rapinoe'
(Sung to “Frosty the Snowman”)
Megan Rapinoe
Calls it quits, but what a run!
With her skill and flair -- and some purple hair!
Look at all the things she’s done.
Surely a shero,
(With a smile just made to meme)
Always on a roll
Toward another goal:
She’ll inspire girls to dream!
'Johnson says the World’s 'Depraved!''
(Sung to “Angels We Have Heard on High”)
Johnson says the world’s “Depraved!”
Swears he won’t give in to hate,
Mikey says we must be saved,
Thinks the world should all be straight.
(De)plor-o-o-o-o-or,
O-o-o-o-or,
O-o-or
Deplorable!
One extreme po-li-i-ti-co!
'Taylor Swift'
(Sung to “Silent Night”)
Tay ... lor Swift,
Has ... a gift,
Gives ... the world
Such a lift!
Filling venues, her Eras roll by,
Filling hearts, bringing tears to the eye,
Stardom that’s rarely been see ... een --
Really, though: Time magazine?!
