The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.
I will start by saying that COVID-19 is nothing to sneeze at (please direct that at your elbow). I do understand the seriousness and how it affects lives from health concerns to unemployment. However, from a strictly personal perspective, I have some not-so-serious observations.
If you are wearing a mask, is there a fashion protocol? Should you match your ensemble based on whether the mask is white, blue or one of those colored neckerchiefs that cowboys wear out on the range? I am fortunate enough to sport an N95 mask which I accessorize with an olive green military-style field jacket.
The 6-foot rule is great if you actually have a concept of what 6 feet is. I was at Lowe’s the other day looking at plants. A woman about 10 feet away, who was wearing rubber gloves and a large mask, screamed at me, “6 feet! 6 feet!” Most stores now have tape on the floor marking 6 feet increments. This gives personal space a new meaning. Cashiers often have Plexiglas shields hanging in front of them. Wish I’d bought stock in Plexiglas.
We all have new grocery store experiences. If you go early enough in the day, you may get a six-pack of toilet paper that you can add to the other 20 packs now in your garage. The only canned fruit available is a pineapple/kiwi mix. Which is great if you have lived in Hawaii your whole life. The meat cases are pretty much emptied unless you want chicken thighs and chuck steak so tough that you have to beat it with a hammer to get it tender enough to swallow. Finally, if you make it to the store late, the only milk left is organic goat milk that’s not pasteurized, for your safety.
With most of us being stuck at home, creativity is required to fend off that big, blue, boredom monster. There is an unmitigated flood of TV shows to stream, but that can bring about viewing paralysis. Should I spend six hours watching a series on the history of buttons or go with two seasons of Zombie Apocalypse? Wait. We’re in an actual apocalypse.
I do avoid most news shows. Why stress out to the daily totals of new cases of COVID-19 when I can lose myself in a book about raising and showing unicorns? If you have kids at home, that’s a whole different kind of boredom. You’ve told little Johnny that he can only play video games 10 hours a day instead of 15, and the homework that has been sent home, via video, is the new math, and you are clueless at how to help him with it. Your daughter has to write a paper on the history of the steam engine while you have steam coming out of your ears because the toilet is plugged up with your 3-year-old’s favorite security blanket.
Since we are supposed to stay out of most public places, if possible, one solution is to take trips to nowhere. Get in the car/SUV/van and drive aimlessly for 20 minutes. At least you are out of the house, and you can blast out that music you love without disturbing your significant others. Even sing along, which is a scary thought.
Well, that’s how one person sees it. I think now, I’ll just troll Amazon and see if I can find a grossly overpriced packet of disinfectant wipes that will be shipped in June.
