A pretend address by President Trump, from the land of make-believe:
When the 9/11 attackers brought down the World Trade Center, President Bush didnโt blame the FBI, fire off irrelevant tweets and go golfing. In our nationโs Pearl Harbor moments thatโs not what an American leader does.
Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, Members of the Senate, and of the House of Representatives: On February 16th, 2018 โ a date which will live in infamy โ we learned, from the indictment of 13 Russian nationals, the United States of America had been deliberately attacked, and continues to be attacked, by cyber forces of the Russian Federation under the command of the President of the Russian Federation, Vladimir Putin.
We learned that hostile Russian cyber invasion forces were on American soil.
We learned their treachery was aided and abetted by a fifth column of duplicitous cyber warriors.
We learned the enemy, serving a sinister authoritarian agenda, well-funded by plutocrats and oligarchs, continues to advance across our public cyber space even now, at this hour, as I address both houses of Congress, sowing info-doubt, hacking into our electoral systems, inciting domestic disorder, and threatening the very survival of our democratic republic.
As Commander in Chief I have directed that national cyber defense measures be taken immediately.
I have directed the Treasury Department to initiate scorching economic sanctions.
I have directed the State Department to declare the entire Russian diplomatic corps โpersona non grata,โ save for a skeleton staff โ to be expelled immediately.
I have ordered the confiscation of all Russian-held property.
The apprehension of all Russian agents associated with this treacherous attack, both and home and abroad, is taking place as I speak.
I have directed my Chief of Staff to convene a meeting, within the hour, of the heads of every major social media platform, my National Security team, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the heads of the FBI, CIA, and NSA to formulate a plan for the hardening of cyber security for the upcoming election.
I have directed the Pentagon and the NSA to implement severe retaliatory measures, beginning with the surgical strike counter-hacking of soft and hard Russian targets. Concurrently, I have directed the launch of multiple militarized computer viruses.
Grids will go down.
Russian cities will go dark.
If the Russian Federation does not immediately cease its belligerent aggression and withdraw its agents of disruption and subterfuge within 48 hours the Russian Federation will face the prompt and utter destruction of their remaining cyber infrastructure.
The President of the Russian Federation, Vladimir Putin, has my cell phone number.
Even though tracts of cyber space have fallen into the grip of the odious apparatus of Russian hackers, we shall not flag or fail. We shall fight their bots on Facebook, we shall fight their lies on Twitter. We shall fight their war of deception on our laptops, we shall fight their subterfuge on our PCs, and Macs. We shall never surrender. No matter how long it takes to overcome this premeditated cyber invasion we will rid our democracy of these malevolent Russian termites.
In 1823, President Monroe established the Monroe Doctrine warning foreign adversaries not to interfere in the affairs of our hemisphere. In 2018, I am calling for a new American doctrine, warning all foreign powers that interference in the affairs of our civic cyber sphere will not be tolerated.
Thus, it is with resolute allegiance to the preservation our 242-year old democratic republic, that I stand before you, the Congress of our great nation, and call on you to declare that a state of cyber war exists between the Russian Federation and the United States of America until such time as our cyber space is inviolate.
God Bless America. Hit send.
