I often hear friends talk about how they wish they still had time to paint, go out with friends, knit or whatever the thing is that they've been missing since becoming a parent.
I also saw some stats from Pew Research that show most full-time working moms don't feel like they have time for friends or hobbies.
But, here's the thing. You CAN still do those things. And you should.
You don't have to lose yourself or quit doing what you love just because you are taking care of tiny humans. And, you shouldn't. Your future self — and those around you — will thank you for it.
I'm a full-time working mom and I'm an artist, so I know from experience it's not easy to make time for art and friends.
But, I've managed to not totally lose myself in the trenches of parenthood.
I'm not gonna say it's always easy to do these things. It's not. But, it's a necessity.
Here's what works for me. Maybe it'll work for you, too.
Going out with friends
Going out with friends can be tricky. You've worked all day and you have to take care of your little one, not to mention — you miss the little bugger.
Then the guilt sets in. You start thinking, 'how can I possibly go out after having already been gone for eight hours?'
Just do it.
Trust me. He or she will survive another hour or two for you to hit a happy hour with your squad. Arrange for your partner or a family member to take care of the kids.
If you don't have a partner at the ready, try and take advantage of your lunch breaks at work. You'll get your girl time in without taking time away from the family. Or sneak in a coffee together before work after you drop the kids off at school, but before heading to the office.
When planning nights out, I've often had to remind myself that my son is not going to look back on his life and hate me for having a life outside of the house. In fact, he'll probably think it's pretty cool and have a healthy outlook on how parenthood should be.
Plus I think he's happier when I'm not cranky.
When we can't break away from the kids, my friends and I do things together with the kids. I have one friend with a pool, so she'll often invite the mom squad over for wine and appetizers, while the kids swim. We all sit outside with our favorite tunes and everybody has a good time.
Angela Pittenger wraps a tissue box with contact paper to make a desk organizer.
Or we'll go somewhere that has a playground so the kids can play and we can catch up.
It might not be the same as happy hour, but it's better than no friend time at all.
Time for hobbies
Nourishing your soul is just as important as nourishing your friendships.
It's not easy but it's about about making yourself a priority.
Easier said than done? Maybe. Impossible? Nope.
One of my friends has a child in kindergarten but feels like she can't take the time to pick up her paint brushes again — even on her days off. Because, well, there are errands to run and housework to do.
But when I have days off during the week, I'm painting. The boy is at school. It's quiet. All that other stuff can wait. In fact, he can help with that other stuff.
I also take advantage of times when my son is at a friend's house. It's really tempting to get the housework done or to just lay on the couch — which, admittedly, is not a bad idea sometimes — but I just have to remind myself that I can do that stuff anytime. The dishes will still be there. I tell myself to go paint for ten minutes. If I'm not feeling it, I can quit. But, I have never quit in ten minutes.
When my son was a baby, I would get my painting time in when he napped, unless I was too exhausted and needed to nap, too.
As he has gotten older, we have painted together. I'd set him up with his own easel, brushes and palette with paints on it.
I find that getting the children involved in your hobbies and making them a part of every day life goes a long way for actually getting to do them.
Getting the kids involved in your hobbies is one way to ensure you get time to create.
When my son is doing his own thing, but wants me to be in the same room, it doesn't mean I have to quit what I'm doing. I just set up where he's at or I bring him into the art room.
Also — and I know some of you are going to cringe when I say this — technology can be wonderful. If you want to work on your craft for an hour, give them a little screen time. I'm not saying all day and I'm not even saying every day, but they're not going to complain and you'll get your work done.
My son knows how important it is to me to be able to paint and he respects that.
That's because he's always seen me doing it. I didn't quit. He knows he's my top priority, but he also respects and appreciates my me-time.
