Dear J.T. & Dale: I was at a job for five years and was unexpectedly blindsided with a firing. At that time, they told me all the ways I had been underperforming and focused on my personality, saying it was not a fit with the organization. Now I'm really struggling to find a new job. I just can't get excited about any organization because all I can think about is that I'll suddenly find out that I'm not a fit. What can I do to get my motivation back? — Kyle
J.T.: I'm sorry to hear that you were blindsided by your employer. I have to ask: Can you look back and see any warning signs that maybe you didn't pick up on before? I've often worked with people who felt like they didn't know it was coming, but after re-evaluating, they could recognize some signs that they probably ignored. That's important because you want to learn from the experience to find a new job and not be fearful that this will happen again. You have to feel like you've got some new tools to be able to identify things.
DALE: Yes, it's the not knowing that is so troublesome. I hope you have some former co-workers who you could talk with and try to figure out what went wrong. They'll probably try to shrug off what transpired but press them with follow-up questions and get them to understand that to avoid the same mistakes, you need their candor. Next, it would be great if you could talk this through with a career coach, but if that's not possible, I'd urge you to try a Dale Carnegie course, a Toastmasters group or a public speaking class. Any one of those would get you feedback on how you come across, and they'd help rebuild your confidence and enthusiasm.
J.T.: Finally, I would add this: Once you get into a new job, I would set up a plan to speak with your boss regularly to make sure that he or she feels that you are on track.
Dear J.T. & Dale: I work at a large company, and I have been there for 10 years. My oldest daughter is coming home this summer and needs an internship. I mentioned in passing to my boss that she was looking for a job this summer as part of a requirement for school, and he offered to put in a good word for her at another department. Well, she got the job. I was very excited. That's until I found out that one of my co-worker's best friends applied for the job and didn't get it. When she found out that my daughter got it, she was pretty upset. Now we have tension between us. I don't know what to do because I feel like my daughter is very talented and earned the job, but clearly, the referral got her a leg up. — Sherry
J.T.: Well, you might have given your daughter an advantage in getting the interview, but the company still chose her. It's unfortunate that your co-worker can't understand that. I don't think you need to apologize for your actions. But you can have compassion for your friend. I would tell your co-worker that you are sad that she is feeling disappointed and that you really hope the friend finds a new opportunity. After that, it's back to business as usual, except, perhaps, maybe not talking too much about your daughter in the new role out of respect.
“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Sometimes this is a stressful question to answer, but if you don’t start thinking about it ahead of time, the answer is easy to flub so here are some tips from the pros.
