As the population ages and stays healthier longer, there is more potential for love in the later years of life, writes columnist Marilyn Heins.

 David Fitzsimmons / Arizona Daily Star

Editor’s note: Longtime Arizona Daily Star columnist Marilyn Heins has released her latest book, β€œA Traveler’s Guide to Geriatrica: A Journey Into the Changing Land of Aging.”

A family living south of Sabino Canyon woke up to snow on the morning of March 13, 2021, and it was still coming down when a boy and his dog were ready to play.

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, Heins is taking to Zoom for virtual book events and is sharing excerpts of her work with the Star. This is the second installment.

Two Zoom events, on March 17 and 31 at 2 p.m., will be sponsored by the local bookstore, Mostly Books.

Registration will be available at geriatricabook.com starting Sunday, March 14.

You can find the book on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble and Mostly Books.

“A Traveler’s Guide to Geriatrica” by Marilyn Heins is available for purchase at Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble and local bookstores.

Love in the late decades may be the last aspect of human sexuality to come out of the closet. Society accepts that not everybody is heterosexual, and the alphabet of accepted sexual preferences lengthens.

Sexuality in the elderly? Eldersex? Formerly unthinkable therefore nonexistent. Women live longer than men so such couples were rare. Freud suggests that children cannot picture their own parents having sex. (Try to picture it yourself.)

Some couples are blessed with both longevity and continuing intimacy … they have been described as the happy few. And as some men age, they seek out younger women for rejuvenation if not true romance.

There is a curiosity about the matter of geriatric love. Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 94? The young Beatles were spot on in worrying about this matter.

Physicality in Geriatrica dwellers is unthinkable or laughable to many. One of my favorite quotes from a friend when asked what it is like to take her clothes off at her advanced age: β€œWe practice MAD ... mutually assured delusion.” Much better than that term we oldies remember from the Cold War days: mutually assured destruction.

We all need to love and be loved from birth to age 100 and beyond. From our first breath to the last. Gestures of love like hugs, valentines, and flowers are always appreciated.

Those of us who live in a youth culture where young bodies are worshiped can’t help but notice that we no longer have such a body. When we are widowed, we wonder about a romantic future. After catching a glimpse of our varied saggings, we likely sigh and tell ourselves to forget about it.

However, geriatric love, like longevity, is becoming more common. The population ages and we stay healthier longer, so there are more potential mates out there. Some meet in independent or assisted living facilities. Some meet in classes, the gym, at volunteer activities or church. Others meet the old-fashioned way, they are introduced by mutual friends. Still others meet the modern way, online.

This can be quite successful. It was for a college friend of mine whose husband left her for another woman. He changed his mind and begged her to let him come back but she threw him out. Her children and stepchildren were so angry they got together and pretended they were their mother on a dating site. Whatever they wrote worked. Their mother and her new love have been together for over 20 years.

I was married for 47 years and lived alone for six years. Love in my future? Impossible! Falling in love when you are 82 years old? Ridiculous! Meeting a mate in Geriatrica? Not bloody likely!

But geriatric love did happen to me, a totally unexpected blessing.

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Dr. Heins is a retired pediatrician, parent, grandparent, columnist and author. She welcomes your questions about people throughout the life cycle, from birth to great-grandparenthood. Contact her at marilynheins@gmail.com.