Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
When our friendsโ daughter โSamanthaโ got married in the spring, the only wedding gift she and โTeddyโ wanted was money. Samantha and Teddy arenโt needy โ both have good jobs, and they own a home โ and frankly, we were somewhat put off by their request. Still, we went along with it. Fast-forward six months, and now the couple are getting a divorce. My wife and I think they should return the money their wedding guests gave them. But Samanthaโs parents say the couple believes that a gift is a gift, and they have no intention of returning the money. Whatโs your reaction?
โ Annoyed, Bakersfield, California
Dear Annoyed:
So have these two launched a GoFundMe campaign to pay for their lawyers?
Seriously, what possible reason other than greed could Samantha and Teddy have for keeping gifts intended to celebrate what has turned out to be their very short-lived union? Itโd be one thing not to return the kinds of traditional presents Samantha and Teddy chose to eschew โ linens embroidered with the coupleโs initials, say, or a toaster that has been used. But cold, hard cash is a different story. Of course the divorcing couple should at least offer to give back the dough. If they donโt and Samantha subsequently remarries, your next wedding present to her should be your pledge to give her a nice check on her 10th anniversary.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My mother, whoโs in her 90s, has moved into an assisted-living facility. When my wife and I proposed that we move into her now-vacant house, Mom was thrilled. Sheโs glad the house wonโt be sitting empty, and glad weโll now be available to take her to appointments, visit her more frequently and so on. Although Mom doesnโt want us to pay for anything, our plan is to pay for the utilities. Now, hereโs our question: When my mother dies, should rent for the time we spent in the house be deducted from my share of her estate? While my siblings seem delighted that weโre moving into Momโs house, I want to be fair about everything.
โ K.C., Arkansas
Dear K.C.:
A lot depends on how much time you spend attending to your motherโs needs. If being her caretaker ends up being a quarter- to half-time job โ if youโre in effect earning your keep by looking after her โ then thereโs no reason why your inheritance should be reduced at all by your residing in your motherโs home. In fact, itโs possible it should be increased.
On the other hand, if your siblings are shouldering an equal share of the caretaking, thereโs no reason why you shouldnโt be paying rent.
Either way, we suggest that you and your siblings not wait until your mother dies to resolve who owes whom what. People today are living longer and longer, meaning itโs possible your mother could have no estate left by the time she dies, leaving either you or your siblings short-changed.
