Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
When I was a kid, my older sister’s husband gave me his set of Legos (I loved Legos and used them well into my teens). Now, many years later, my brother-in-law tells me those Legos had been given to him by a friend, a friend who now wants them back so he can give them to his son. Well, I collected Legos for years, and the ones my brother-in-law gave me are all mixed in with the rest of my collection. What should I do? Do I have to go through my Legos piece by piece and try to figure out whether each one could originally have belonged to my brother-in-law’s friend? This would take many hours and wouldn’t be particularly accurate. Also, I can’t help feeling that this is my brother-in-law’s problem to solve, not mine, since I had no reason to believe the Legos he gave me were only on loan.
— Jeremy, Twin Cities, Minnesota
Dear Jeremy:
What? You’ve got better things to do than spend a weekend going through all those boxes?
To us, it sounds as if your brother-in-law was as surprised as you were by his friend’s request. Which means that if there’s a villain in this story, it’s not your sister’s husband, but his friend who gave him the Legos, and then many years later decided he wanted them back. This guy should have known then and should realize now that once you give something away, it becomes the property of the recipient, unless you explain at the time the item changes hands that there’s a string attached.
Still, there’s no indication that either he or your brother-in-law acted with a black heart. On the contrary, it appears that each of them meant to do something nice in passing on the Legos. So we suggest you make a good faith estimate of the number of pieces that came from the friend and return that many, without worrying about the provenance of the specific ones you give him. If the original owner is dissatisfied, too bad for him. In returning a fair number, you’ll be doing him a kindness and your brother-in-law a favor. All either of them should say is “Thank you.”
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
How much money should I spend on a holiday gift for my boyfriend of two months? We’re each in our late 20s and employed full time. My concern is that I don’t want to give him something so expensive that it seems like I think our relationship is more advanced than it is, or so cheap that it seems like I don’t care.
— Hannah, San Antonio, Texas
Dear Hannah:
That’ll teach you to begin a romantic relationship so late in the year.
Kidding aside, the best thing to do is give your boyfriend something that doesn’t have a price tag associated with it. A big basket filled with the recipient’s favorite homemade baked goods is something others facing your dilemma often have turned to, and we trust you can think of comparable options if your skills don’t lie in the culinary arts.
Happy holidays to you and your boyfriend, Hannah. Please let us know what he decides to give you.
