Money Manners: A debt is a debt, regardless of collection efforts

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

Ten years ago my brother “Jack” and I each lent our brother “Don” $5,000 so he could wipe out his gambling debts. Don promised to pay us back, but he never really did. Over the years, he paid me a total of $2,500 and Jack $500. The reason I received more is that periodically I’d press Don to repay me, but Jack never did. Last year Don died, leaving a modest bank account and no will. Jack and I are his only family, and Jack thinks that since I got more money from Don than he did, we should compensate for that when we divide the bank account. But I had to put up with a lot of grief to get the money I did out of Don, so I don’t think it’s right to count the gambling loans; I think the bank account should be divided equally. What do you think?

— Elizabeth, San Antonio, Texas

Dear Elizabeth:

It doesn’t matter what we think or what you think. Since Jack died without a will, the laws of the state in which he resided will determine how his estate is to be divided.

That doesn’t mean, however, that you and Jack can’t choose to settle up between yourselves once you receive your inheritances. And we think a settlement’s in order. Because as much as we appreciate the effort it must have taken to extract that $2,500 from Don, the fact is he died owing Jack $2,000 more than he owed you. Assuming you and Jack each inherit a portion of Don’s estate, you should give Jack $1,000 out of what you receive in order to make things even.

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

Back to homepage

Subscriber Login

Keep reading with a digital access subscription.

Subscribe now

When my wife and I bought a new home, I told my good friend “Eric” all about it. Soon after I did, I began hearing from other friends — some of whom I’m not really close to — congratulating me on the house and often commenting on how expensive it was. Why? Because Eric told everyone not just that we’d bought a house, but how much we’d paid. I was furious and let him know, but he insists he did nothing wrong. He says that since anyone can find the price of the home online, I’m wrong to think of the information he shared as private. Can that be right?

— Matt, Cupertino, California

Dear Matt:

Just how much did you pay to get so much attention?

We’re kidding. The fact is, your friend was dead wrong to indiscriminately tell everyone what you paid for your house. He’s right that they probably could have learned the price online. But to do so, they’d have had to go snooping, meaning they wouldn’t — or at least shouldn’t — have felt free either to acknowledge knowing the price or to broadcast it to others. However, having been told the price by Eric, these folks have no reason not to treat this very personal piece of information as ordinary gossip.

The bottom line: The fact that a piece of financial information may be accessible online doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be treated as private when a friend reveals it.