Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My daughter is getting married, and my wife and I are spending a lot of money on what we hope will be a very nice reception.
But here’s the problem: We’ve asked guests to indicate whether they prefer their entree to be chicken, salmon or a vegetarian dish. To our astonishment, quite a few people, in responding, are making very particular food requests. For example, some say “Antibiotic-free chicken only”; others say “No dairy, please”; some even say “No GMOs.” This wedding is costing a fortune as it is, and the vineyard where it’s being held says it will cost a whole lot more to individualize so many meals. What should we do?
— Feeling Stretched, Santa Barbara, California
Dear Stretched:
What? No one demanded fair trade coffee?
Look, you’re hosting your daughter’s wedding reception, not the grand opening of a Whole Foods store. It is absolutely not your obligation to accommodate the particular food preferences of each wedding guest, especially when you’re already offering a choice of three very different entrees. Anyone who isn’t satisfied with one of the options can always bring a snack from home.
P.S. Should any of the guests at the wedding ask you if the champagne is organic, we hope you’ll look them in the eye and say, “You’re kidding, right?”
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
While vacationing in New England, my wife and I went to dinner with another couple, old friends who’d recently moved up there.
We dined at a restaurant they like, and, as always, we split the check 50/50. However, when it was time to add the tip to the credit-card slips, the husband surprised me by saying: “I’d appreciate it if you’d tip 25 percent. We come here often, and we want the staff to recognize us and give us good service.” Wasn’t that unreasonable? What should I have done?
— A.T., Schenectady, New York
Dear A.T.:
You should have said, “Why don’t you tip 30 to 35 percent for the service you’re looking forward to, and I’ll tip 15 to 20 percent for the service we received tonight?”
OK, that’s probably too harsh. But there’d have been nothing wrong with laughing and saying: “Sure. But next time we visit, let’s go to a restaurant where you’re not trying to make an impression.”
In other words, the right thing to do in that situation is to accommodate your friend’s request. Friends get to make mistakes, after all, and presumably you could afford to add an extra 5 to 7 percent to your tip that one time. But you’d be doing your friend a favor by good-naturedly calling his attention to the fact that the request he made was solipsistic. With luck, he’d realize he shouldn’t repeat it.
