Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
My brother and I have two half sisters. Their father β our stepfather β passed away two years ago. I recently learned that our half sisters subsequently persuaded my mother β their stepmother β to write my brother and me out of her will.
Apparently, my half sisters have convinced Mom that, because she never worked outside the home, all of her money came from their father, so only they should inherit it. Does this seem right? Iβve stopped speaking to my mother over this.
β Disinherited, Utah
Dear Disinherited:
Next time you happen to speak to your half sisters, ask them how much their father paid your mother to prepare his meals.
But to answer your question: These two women are dead wrong. For one thing, the fact that your mother wasnβt paid for work she did at home doesnβt mean it had no value. And for another, in choosing to leave that money to your mother, your stepfather also chose to allow her to bequeath it to whomever she chose. Had he wanted only his daughters to inherit his dough from her, his will would have said so.
Now, had your mother and stepfather married late in life, and had his wealth been accumulated prior to their marriage, your half sistersβ moral claim on the money might have merit. But thatβs not the case.
The argument theyβve peddled to your mother that her stay-at-home status requires her to make them alone her heirs is as wrong-headed as it is self-serving. We hope your mother reconsiders.
By the way, wouldnβt it make more sense to stop speaking to your half sisters? Theyβre the villains here, plus your mother might change her mind.
Dear Jeanne & Leonard:
When my second cousinβs son got married in Omaha, she and her husband were kind enough to invite my elderly mother to the wedding. Mom went and had a wonderful time.
However, because sheβs not used to spending the kind of money on wedding presents that people now do, she gave the bride and groom a chintzy gift. Should I contact my cousin and apologize? I wouldnβt want her to think badly of my mother, especially when she and her family went to so much trouble to ensure that Mom had a great time.
β T.C., Pennsylvania
Dear T.C.:
Come on, the bride and groom probably love those two tea towels.
Seriously, itβs not a crime to give an inexpensive wedding gift. Plus, your cousin surely has other elderly relatives, hence she understands that the scale of your motherβs gift, like the proverbial five bucks enclosed in a birthday card from an elderly grandparent, is not a measure of your motherβs affection. Most importantly, though, taking it upon yourself to apologize for your mother would be infantilizing her, and that would simply be wrong.
We know: Youβre embarrassed by your motherβs seeming cheapness.
So if itβll make you feel better, send your cousin a nice bottle of whatever festive libation you think sheβll enjoy, along with a note congratulating her on her sonβs marriage. Just donβt mention the wedding gift in the note.