This is an article where we taste a bunch of Mexican candies and say what we like.
Our judges: Sam on the left looking cool with her mazapan. Me looking awkward as I usually do when I'm eating the food of someone else's culture for a jokey article.
A local candy expert (This is Tucson producer Samantha Munsey) and a run-of-the-mill glutton (me) bought out the local Food City to the bring you this sweet report. If you take anything away from it, get the mango and watermlon suckers. They are glorious.
But hey, keep reading. We make jokes!
Obleas
A caramel wafer stamped with a paper-like film of wheat flour. Sam says it "smells like the county fair, like driving in a hot car with some candy, so everything gets sticky sweet." The paper layer protects your teeth from getting mucked up in the caramel. But it kinda ruins the flavor to an extent. Unless you're into that thing.
Rating: 6 / 10
Mazapan de la Rosa
"This is the jam. I don't even need to eat this to know that," Sam says. But we do anyway. The skin-colored disc breaks away into a cakey peanut powder, with little nut crunches. We both agree, it's perfect. "It's more sugar than powder, and that's the best way," Sam says. "I think I was eating this before I even knew how to anything."
Rating: 10 / 10
Off-brand clown pop Benyleta
By far the worst thing we tasted. Sorry gopher man! Your comical mask of chocolate obscures nothing but a tasteless skull of marshmallow puff. We should have gotten the real deal, which has a clown cartoon on it. That might not have smelled like air freshener, mixed with artificial citrus flavoring. Even the sour candies were bland.
Rating: 2 / 10
Rellerindos
It's shaped like a cat poop, and looks from the outside like it could be a chocolate bulb. It's not. It's actually a hard tamarind candy stuffed with a string of spicy chile gummy stuff. The exterior has a decidedly roasty dark flavor, unlike your typical sweet bomb. "How would kids eat this? I would totally choke on this," Sam said.
Rating: 7 / 10
Pulparindo
Sam was pumped, er, "pulped." "I used to eat so many of these as a kid. My brother and I would go to the supermarket and they'd be gone by the time we reached the house." I think the white layer of smudgy sugar looks kinda like mold. But it helps keep the tamarind fruit pulp from sticking to the wrapper. Overall, like a better fruit rollup.
Rating: 8.5 / 10
Tamalitos
How cute is this? But in the end, our corn husk candies got points knocked down for silliness. If you're encased in a tamal wrapper, why do you need a thin layer or plastic that sticks to the gummy and makes it impossible to eat? Doesn't that defeat the point? Questions for greater marketing minds ... "You're like peeling garlic to get to this gross candy," Sam quipped. But the flavor was actually okay: mild with pleasing sugar crystals.
Rating: 5 / 10
Pelon
A sugary paste that comes out like hair. This one is just not for me, but I trudge along. "These are like the ultimate kid candy," Sam says, before describing how children would take the plastic apart and do ridiculous things to it like licking the insides and keeping it as a toy. It tastes like frosting mixed with Gak.
Rating: 7.5 / 10
Lucas Chamoy and Limon 7 salt candies
I am unclear how this is candy. It appears to be salt. "Somebody was like, forget putting this on anything. We'll just sell it as-is," Sam said. And it was good. Well, the Lucas Chamoy was at least, and tasted more like sweet pop rocks. The one on the left reminded me of the crap from the gas station you buy in desperation when you can't find any limes.
Lucas Chamoy Rating: 7 / 10, Limon 7 Rating: 4.5 / 10
Salsagheti
Sam was incredulous about this pasta candy mashup, but I think she warmed up to it after awhile. Don't forget to pour your packet of "gusano," or worm sauce on there. Yum! Just kidding, it's actually tamarind muk. Honestly, I like this one a lot. It tastes like watermelon Twizzlers, but stringier.
Rating: 7 / 10
Vero Mango and Beny Sandia chile pops
It was hard to keep these in the bag long enough to do this tasting. There were only a couple left by the time we sat down to do this. Even as a Mexican candy novice, I prefer these suckers to most people. They're are perfect. "The outside is just pure chile," Sam says. "It's like life, where you gotta put in the work to get that sweet relief of candy flavor." 🍬🍬🍬
Rating: 10 / 10
