“My three-year-old son is a champion dawdler. The problem is I have to get my son to preschool and my daughter to high school on time or she takes a fit and I have to get myself to work. He gets attention from both of us trying to rush him to get dressed and in the car with his backpack. This ‘attention’ is upsetting to all of us.”
This email raised my sympathy antennae because the working- mother/dawdler-child problem surely has become more acute as the pace of our lives increased. I well remember those rushed mornings. It must be worse for moms today. We are so accustomed to touch-screen, instant responses that the time spent wrangling a preschooler into his jeans must seem like an eternity.
The world has changed but the problem has not. We cannot stretch time and the “attention” mentioned is not healthy for the child or the mother, so here is Dawdling 101 for today’s parents.
Preschoolers dawdle because:
1) They don’t understand the concept of time.
2) They hate rushing and being rushed.
3) They can be overwhelmed by parental frenzy (and doubly overwhelmed if there is big sister frenzy too) and move even slower.
4) They love all attention even negative attention.
5) They get a kick out of upsetting you. They may not know the meaning of the word “power” but they enjoy the power of making you lose your cool.
Parents rush the preschooler because they do understand the concept of time and the consequences of being late. I guarantee yelling, pleading, threatening, handling the child roughly, weeping in frustration (I did this more than once) will not work and that this kind of “attention” is not healthy for the perpetrating grownup or the child.
What does work is the basics:
1) Prevent the Morning Rush.
2) Try Good Old Tricks.
3) Keep Your Own Cool.
Prevention always means thinking ahead to make that which you are trying to prevent stop happening or at least diminish. The night before: set out the children’s clothes (try to always purchase stuff that is easy to put on), make and refrigerate lunches, and pack the backpack.
Your 3-year-old should be involved so he learns what it means to get ready for school . I always organized my stuff the night before , so I knew what I would wear and my brief case was good to go.
Maintain a morning routine for your child: wash, get dressed, breakfast, brush teeth, put lunch in backpack. Build extra time into your morning schedule for glitches.
Good old tricks? Make a game out of dressing. My young cousin cured my son of dawdling when getting ready for bed by inventing “Break the World’s Record!” He proclaimed the last person who broke the world’s record got undressed in 5 seconds and challenged my dawdler to beat the record. Amid much hilarity with a stopwatch my son got undressed and pajama-clad in “record” speed.
Try “Beat the Timer” (“Let’s see if you can get dressed before the bell rings!”). “Grandma’s Rule” says if you do X, you will earn Y. “If you get dressed quickly today, you will have time to play Lego before you go to school.”
Reward systems can work. Make a chart, award a star every morning the child is dressed on time, and give a treat or small toy when the child has earned a whole week of stars. (Best reward? Special time with parent.)
Staying cool yourself? Take deep breaths and keep calm. Kids sense your moods. Avoid making thing worse by nagging or cajoling.
Don’t keep saying, “Hurry up!” Dr. Benjamin Spock writes that prodding children can make things worse by building up an “absentminded balkiness” in them. Help them learn to correct the dawdling habit.
Your high school daughter can and should be part of this. Maybe you can show her this column, practice doing these things together, and then alternate days getting your son ready to go? She will thank you when she has her own children.
Finally give yourself and the whole family a break on weekends by slowing down the household pace.
