“Should a 12-year-old have a bedtime in the summer? If so what time? Should they read?”
I can just picture the kid this mother is dealing with. He or she stays up until all hours watching TV or playing video games. And has not cracked a book or done any chores since school ended despite parental nagging. And, despite all this freedom from school and rules, is not one bit happy. I visualize a bored soon-to-be-teenager.
I can also picture (and hear) this mother. She is frazzled and worried about her child’s brain turning to mush. And she is right. Kids who have nothing to do all summer long are not happy. Children who stay up too late and laze around all day are cranky, get fat, and lose brain power because learning must take place all year round, not just during the school year.
I will answer your questions in reverse. Read? Absolutely. Ideally, the school has assigned summer reading. If not, the parents should. It’s not unreasonable for a 12-year-old to be expected to read at least one book a week and discuss it with parents. Hint: This is easier if parents also read a book a week and the family goes to the library together.
Summer bedtime? The rotation of Earth means more hours of daylight and our brains know it (or would if there was no artificial light). Thus bedtime can be a couple of hours later but not too late or they sleep all day — 10:30 or 11 seems about right for a preteen with occasional parent-sanctioned later hours for special occasions. No hanging out with friends until the wee hours though — 12 is far too young for that.
You didn’t ask but I’ll tell you anyway: Most parents have a fixed bedtime rule during the school year. If you let the kids stay up later in the summer, what happens next fall? How do you go back to the earlier bedtime? A couple of weeks before school starts remind the kids they soon will have to start going to bed early. Resume the school bedtime a week before the actual day to give the children a chance to adjust. What if when school starts the children complain they are not sleepy? Recite the rule: On a school night you must stay quietly in bed until you fall asleep.
Summer vacations are pretty long. So both parents and school kids need to understand the importance of these three summertime goals:
Minimize boredom. Bored kids are not happy and they can get into trouble. Everybody needs a purpose. Chores not only should continue in the summer but should be increased because the kids have more time. It’s OK to pay kids for big projects like cleaning out the garage. However, remember that children need some do-nothing time so they can daydream, contemplate their future and ponder what life is all about.
Exercise the body. Encourage summer sports, both team and individual. It’s a good time to improve or add new sports skills. Take family walks by flashlight at night when things cool off.
Exercise the brain. What’s called “summer learning loss” happens in just about all children but is of a greater magnitude in the disadvantaged. The loss is in both procedural skills and factual knowledge. Ideally, the teacher has assigned school tasks to be completed before school opens in the fall. If not, parents can invent learning tasks. Even preschoolers who know how to recognize letters can alphabetize the books on their shelves. Older children can learn to map out routes for the family vacation (“Suppose the GPS doesn’t work...”) or learn the names of constellations in the sky.
We parents are our children’s first teachers and usually the only summer teacher. So we are the ones who teach our child about the world all year long. We model grownup behaviors, we encourage and always answer questions, and we nudge our children to think by asking lots of “What if?”questions.
But don’t forget to just hang out together. Sit on the patio at dusk, tip your head back, and watch the stars pop out — an enjoyable activity I didn’t know was possible until I moved to Tucson.
