When a reality star occupies the Oval Office
- Updated
A phenomenal TV guide to your favorite shows trumpeting all things Trump.
1
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
Television loves Donald Trump. When Americans elected the star of a reality show to the presidency in 2016 it was inevitable that his presence on the airwaves would only grow.
2
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
5-5:15: Prayer
Trump recites 2 Corinthians. Asks God to forgive critics. Tweets insult to Pope.
3
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
5:15-6: National Anthem
Sung by Honey Boo Boo.
4
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
6-6:30: Diary of a Wimpy Loser
President Trump’s foray into inspirational programming for children. Not suitable for children.
5
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
6:30-7: Trump presents Sesame Street
Cookie Monster discusses the economy with Trump’s secretary of the Treasury, Bachelorette No. 3. Trump overturns Bert’s marriage to Ernie, fires Big Bird, asks to see Oscar the Grouch’s birth certificate. Today’s program brought to you by the letter “T.”
6
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
7-7:30: Who's the Judge?
President Trump nominates Judge Judy to Supreme Court. Rages when he learns Judge Dredd is merely fictional character.
7
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
7:30-8: Keeping Up with the Trumps
First lady Melania discusses White House chandelier selection, botox, shopping for shoes with president.
8
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
8-9: President Trump, The Reality Show (Repeat)
Inauguration Day. Casino developer takes charge, wings speech, alienates Western nations, women and minorities. Interrupts speech to excoriate “moron who predicted this overcoat would be warm enough.” NC-17 Rated version available.
9
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
9-9:30: Making America great again, one killer at a time
President Trump attempts to make Mexico pay for $15 billion border wall, ends up with three bongos, bottle of tequila, Zapotec rug. Starts trade war with China during global economic recession. Wrestles killer whale.
10
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
9:30-10: Real Americans (Roundtable)
President and cast of “Duck Dynasty” discuss role Hispanics, blacks, Muslims play in American society. Moderated by David Duke.
11
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
10-10:30: Deal or no deal (Repeat)
President makes Congress another offer “they can’t refuse.” They refuse. Season Two sneak peak: They refuse.
12
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
1-3:30: Movie time
Trump shows personal cinematic favorites from his vast film library. This week’s lineup: “Birth of a Nation,” “Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarves,” ”Rambo 2,” “Triumph of the Will.”
13
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
3:30-4:30: Law & Order: Special Victims of Political Correctness Unit
Detective Trump investigates “Political Correctness Nazi” who thinks you shouldn’t be free to use words like “skank or bimbo” to describe Barbara Bush. Jeb Bush cries.
14
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
4:30-5: Man of the House
A commander-in-chief with brain of 11-year old tries to sabotage America’s relationship with every nation in Western world. Vladimir Putin guests as “Lovable Uncle Vlad.”
15
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
5-5:30: Noticiero Trumpvision
Daily news program for Latinos, anchored by White House communications director Ann Coulter. Tonight’s story: What a good brown person does when asked for identification.
16
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
5:30-6: Evening News without Megyn Kelly
Melania Trump reads the news. Tonight’s story: Chandeliers for the chinchilla exhibit at the Washington Zoo.
17
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
6-6:30: Evicted
Manhattan landlord evicts tenants with hilarious consequences for poor, elderly residents. Starring Trump as “The Man.”
18
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
6:30-7: President's Apprentice
Vice President Gary Busey learns from CEO-in-chief how to run country without a safety helmet.
19
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
7-8: All-Star Tribute to Donald Trump
The president’s life is celebrated by Ted Nugent, Dennis Rodman, Sarah Palin, Wayne Newton and Mike Tyson. Subtitled.
20
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
8-8:30: ESPN Water Boarding with Donald
President visits Muslim refugee camp with Attorney General Joe Arpaio, improvises with garden hose and Red Cross stretcher. Antics ensue.
21
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
8:30-9: America's Funniest Home Videos of Trump Protesters Getting the Crap Bear Out of Them (Repeat)
Trump supporters raise spirits by attacking black Black Lives Matter protester.
22
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
9-10: Scared Straight
Critics of president visit Oval Office in season premiere. With help of Jersey wise guys with brass knuckles, Trump reveals “realities of life” to detractors, in hopes of deterring them from life of thinking.
23
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
10:30-11: The Real Housewives of Atlantic City
Trump’s ex-wives dish dirt.
24
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
12-12:30: Where's Your Birth Certificate?
Birth certificates, roots of prominent Trump critics are explored along with their relationship to UFOs, 9/11, ISIS and Trilateral Commission. Ted Cruz, Art Bell, Glenn Beck guest star.
25
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
12:30-1: Sarah!
Talk show. Stupid moose tricks, baton twirling with former governor of Alaska. No guests scheduled.
26
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
- Updated
1-6: Border Wall Cam
Track the progress of the construction of the best, biggest wall ever.
27
- Updated
Learn how to draw Trump in 117 easy steps. Get out your crayons, kids!
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
Television loves Donald Trump. When Americans elected the star of a reality show to the presidency in 2016 it was inevitable that his presence on the airwaves would only grow.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
6:30-7: Trump presents Sesame Street
Cookie Monster discusses the economy with Trump’s secretary of the Treasury, Bachelorette No. 3. Trump overturns Bert’s marriage to Ernie, fires Big Bird, asks to see Oscar the Grouch’s birth certificate. Today’s program brought to you by the letter “T.”
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
8-9: President Trump, The Reality Show (Repeat)
Inauguration Day. Casino developer takes charge, wings speech, alienates Western nations, women and minorities. Interrupts speech to excoriate “moron who predicted this overcoat would be warm enough.” NC-17 Rated version available.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
9-9:30: Making America great again, one killer at a time
President Trump attempts to make Mexico pay for $15 billion border wall, ends up with three bongos, bottle of tequila, Zapotec rug. Starts trade war with China during global economic recession. Wrestles killer whale.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
1-3:30: Movie time
Trump shows personal cinematic favorites from his vast film library. This week’s lineup: “Birth of a Nation,” “Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarves,” ”Rambo 2,” “Triumph of the Will.”
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
3:30-4:30: Law & Order: Special Victims of Political Correctness Unit
Detective Trump investigates “Political Correctness Nazi” who thinks you shouldn’t be free to use words like “skank or bimbo” to describe Barbara Bush. Jeb Bush cries.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
4:30-5: Man of the House
A commander-in-chief with brain of 11-year old tries to sabotage America’s relationship with every nation in Western world. Vladimir Putin guests as “Lovable Uncle Vlad.”
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
5-5:30: Noticiero Trumpvision
Daily news program for Latinos, anchored by White House communications director Ann Coulter. Tonight’s story: What a good brown person does when asked for identification.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
8-8:30: ESPN Water Boarding with Donald
President visits Muslim refugee camp with Attorney General Joe Arpaio, improvises with garden hose and Red Cross stretcher. Antics ensue.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
8:30-9: America's Funniest Home Videos of Trump Protesters Getting the Crap Bear Out of Them (Repeat)
Trump supporters raise spirits by attacking black Black Lives Matter protester.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
9-10: Scared Straight
Critics of president visit Oval Office in season premiere. With help of Jersey wise guys with brass knuckles, Trump reveals “realities of life” to detractors, in hopes of deterring them from life of thinking.
- David Fitzsimmons Arizona Daily Star
12-12:30: Where's Your Birth Certificate?
Birth certificates, roots of prominent Trump critics are explored along with their relationship to UFOs, 9/11, ISIS and Trilateral Commission. Ted Cruz, Art Bell, Glenn Beck guest star.
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